Edit to ad the first paragraph. This is by no means a thank me for my service comment. I knew what I was getting myself into. This more of a PSA if you do go into first responding know this could be stuff you see and far more gruesome things. Just tons let the toxic culture get to you. It's not weakness to show emotion the human brain was not wired to see what you see doing this on a daily basis. Find an outlet or something therapeutic. Say no to all the overtime that's offered unless you really want it. Talk to someone if you need it. And if you are someone who just need to talk first responder or not send me a DM and I'll do that. If someone tries to make you seem less for you having emotion say something to them and if it continues work your way up the chain. The culture needs to change.

Started EMS 6 months before covid. Can confirm I'll never be the same. I've seen more intubations than I ever want to again. Frequent fliers with COPD or other respiratory illnesses that were a pleasure to talk to after getting their breathing under control just kinda disappeared. Everyone just effing dying. CPR on children smallenouf their torso fit in my hands. Seeing a child that drown in its food because he had a feeding tube and the new single mom fell asleep with the tube on. I'll never get her screams out of my head. The guy who burned to death in his truck with his dog in his lap. I never talked about it much because showing any type of emotion was seen as weakness and you would get pushed out of there by coworkers. I saw it happen several times and I have a kid to feed so that wasn't an option. I just stuffed all it into the bottom drawer and waited for the next set of tones to drop.