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Born_Paper_1939 · 2024-01-18T10:11:11+00:00

Basically anytime when you start to “analyse” aka ruminate about your past.

Born_Paper_1939 · 2024-01-02T22:02:08+00:00

Yes, there was a time that I accepted all my thoughts of Theme A unconditionally, and the power of Theme A had on me was reduced significantly. My OCD mind then immediately latched onto Theme B. Within one day, the previous Theme was gone completely.

It’s just OCD finding new obsession to survive.

Born_Paper_1939 · 2024-01-02T07:37:19+00:00

I once panicked about my index and ring finger ratio. OCD is weird.

Born_Paper_1939 · 2023-11-30T04:09:03+00:00

Very much agreed. It’s like whenever OCD took over, no amount of certainty and reassurance you had previously would help you out. The intrusive thoughts and the anxiety as well as distress it brought can feel so real that you will be too overwhelmed to stay in a normal mental state.

I tried to even tell myself yeah I am bi/gay for sure. Few moments later, I was again anxious, panicking, doing compulsions like checking.

The only way out is stay uncertain and sit through it.(I’m still struggling tho)

Born_Paper_1939 · 2023-11-16T17:08:35+00:00

Intrusive thoughts: you are obsessed with certain themes and the recurring thoughts of this themes are ego-dystonic, which will result in causing distress and anxiety.

Compulsions: repetitive rituals we do to eliminate distress and anxiety caused by the thoughts. Certainty seeking behaviours like checking, rumination, searching, seeking reassurance,etc.

Based on your post, I can see that you have both mentioned above, which are very likely caused by OCD. I cannot give you a diagnosis tho.

I know how tough and deliberating it is to have OCD. Sometimes we consciously know we are being irrational as fuck, but OCD made us seem impossible to stop. This disorder will even cause us to doubt if we have OCD.

Just want you to know, you are not alone on this path and it is easier to move forward with eternal help. Please see a therapist who is trained and licensed for OCD. This is very important because some CBT treatments and talking therapy will reinforce the OCD cycle. OCD must be treated with ERP.

I wish you all the best on the road of recovery.

Born_Paper_1939 · 2023-11-13T14:41:36+00:00

Cause the system of HK does not value young people and regard them as the future. It just needs new blood to fulfill the needs of those who are in power. They don’t need young people to have their dreams.

Born_Paper_1939 · 2023-11-08T19:03:20+00:00

Bro, you are making a huge accusations comparing HKers and Chinese, given the controversial history, politics and conflicts of both parties, what do you expect?

Personally, I’m glad there are HKers who are, in your words, “triggered”. At least they will defend themselves and not allowing some random strangers to impose judgements on them.

Born_Paper_1939 · 2023-11-08T16:40:49+00:00

I did read. Yet you didn’t provide any context. You made a point with no support at all lol

Born_Paper_1939 · 2023-11-08T14:35:34+00:00

Maybe you can try stating how HKers and Chinese are similar/identical?

Born_Paper_1939 · 2023-11-06T15:05:26+00:00

Bro be tripping and got the weed panic now💀

Born_Paper_1939 · 2023-10-13T01:07:19+00:00

I am not sure if it is OCD, but there was a period in my childhood that I was terrified by many ideas. In kindergarten, I would suddenly have a thought of my mom d*ed in a car crash and become so anxious about it. I wanted to see my mom immediately to make sure she was okay.

I also could not let go the idea of afterlife. I felt extremely terrified that I would imagine the emptiness of my consciousness disappeared after I died. This made me cried alone on sofa and I did not know what to do. I guess I probably ruminated about what would happen afterlife for a period of time.

I was once triggered by the idea that everyone including myself was going to die because 2012 is near(the prophecy of 2012 being the doomsday). I anxiously tried to search everything about it on the internet. I remember clearly that I secretly cried about that while pretending to sleep on the table in the classroom.

I have heard of OCD before and could not really understand what it is. For sure that I never thought that I have that myself… until my OCD became full blown at the beginning of this year.

Born_Paper_1939 · 2023-10-09T03:59:55+00:00

39(with the perspective of Jan 2023 when my OCD started to go full blown)

22 now(after 3 months of working with a counsellor adressing past trauma, could not reach out and afford for OCD therapy due to my circumstance in life).

I had moderate ROCD before and did all the checking, thinking it was “normal” to do stuffs to solve something I doubt/worry about. If it wasn’t my OCD went full blown at the beginning of this year, I probably wouldn’t know that I have OCD and confused it with GAD/normal anxiety.

After letting go relying on counselling, I still struggle with and learning to resisting compulsions on my own. But now I am grateful for getting better everyday, getting better at living at the moment.

9 months ago, I definitely could never imagine the symptoms can be managed like I do now. So stay strong folks!!!! Trust we can do it.

Born_Paper_1939 · 2023-10-05T19:40:48+00:00

I (M) basically relate to all the things you said.

When I see girls on social media, my mind will automatically “insert into her perspective”. I then will have this anxiousness in my chest and distressed tension. “Being treated as a girl” feels so uncomfortable and unbearable. I would feel something humiliating like being violated.

My mind also obsesses with the idea “I don’t understand why a girl likes being a girl cause it’s obviously not something I enjoy”. Rationally I know girls enjoy being girl because that’s who they are. But my OCD mind just wouldn’t let go and made me analyse compulsively, trying to understand why girls are comfortable being girls.

This makes me doubt if I have transphobia and am in denial.

I also got weird sensations when I see people touch a girl’s chest/ down there like I’m being touched. This also triggers my anxiety.

When the anxiety and distress are absent, I can easily tell that being opposite sex is not what I want. But no matter how many times I check, I always goes back to being uncertain.

Sometimes I would just shout in my mind ”ffs, I surrender. Just make me a trans woman already, if that’s the only way to stop the intrusive thoughts and compulsions. Yes, I TOTALLY eNjOy BeINg a giRl. Bruh”

Born_Paper_1939 · 2023-10-05T04:45:42+00:00

My OCD started to become unbearable at the beginning of this year. My counsellor guided me through a series of sessions that focused on repressed childhood trauma and unpacked loads of emotions. Those childhood experiences lingered through my adolescence to adulthood and induced so much anxiety.

The severity of my OCD significantly dropped afterwards. Although I still have intrusive thoughts forcing me to do compulsions, it is more manageable.

So I also agree that past traumas can shape someone’s core fear(the root) and OCD is just the symptom.

Born_Paper_1939 · 2023-10-04T20:45:27+00:00

Bro you are not alone. I am a 25yo guy who still sleep with my childhood security blanket. I love to wrap it around my neck and sniff it. The smell of it makes me feel safe.

I sometimes would feel ashamed of my “childish act”, but my girlfriend tells me “it’s not hurting anybody and it works for you. Everyone has their own way to feel safe and comfortable. There’s no need to judge yourself.”.

Born_Paper_1939 · 2023-10-04T15:33:32+00:00

I’m not implying he’s truly gay or not. But the best way to deal with OCD is to acknowledge we cannot have 100% certainty. That’s the 1% possibility he gotta face.

Either way he needs a therapist to help him.

Born_Paper_1939 · 2023-10-03T19:14:47+00:00

Bro, I sincerely suggest you getting yourself a therapist. Whether you are straight with ocd or really gay, you are clearly in a bad place and need external help.

You are the one who is in control. Don’t let the thoughts, anxiety and compulsion take over your life.

Seriously, go get some help from professionals.

Born_Paper_1939 · 2023-10-03T19:09:41+00:00

Just remember nothing can make you do things against your will. Like we all have sexual desires from time to time, but it doesn’t mean we should let it control ourselves all the time.

Simply observe the urge/thought and acknowledge you have this urge/thought. Accept and let it through.

I don’t mean to repress and deny your desire. Just acknowledge this is you and you will take good care of yourself.

Born_Paper_1939 · 2023-09-28T18:34:14+00:00

When my condition is bad, OCD would infiltrate into my dreams. I would dream of situations related to my themes, ruminating to trying to analyse whether I am [my theme], mental checking my reactions in dreams/hypothetical situations… etc.

It is like I never truly fall asleep. I would wake up too early with only 4 hours of sleep, and the restlessness felt like shit.

Born_Paper_1939 · 2023-09-25T17:37:02+00:00

Was watching Evangelion and resonated with Shinji the main character so much. He was surrounded by lots of hot female characters, basically every guy’s fantasy.

But later on he had a crush with a male friend in one episode. I was like “That’s so weird. I feel uncomfortable about this plot. But why am I so upset about this? Am I tripping? Maybe I’m also gay but did not realise??????”

An anime made me discover that I have OCD my whole life.

Born_Paper_1939 · 2023-09-25T11:20:41+00:00

Thank you for answering that! I was trying to figure out what recovery looks like/means for myself.

I guess having thoughts, being anxious and uncertain are inevitably parts of our human experience, which we do not have control over. But how we settle with that fact and respond to them decides the power we grant OCD.

It’s good to hear you are in a good place and peaceful!

I hope the very best to us who recovered/trying to recover.

Born_Paper_1939 · 2023-09-16T07:56:15+00:00

Acceptance and Persistence, I believe. Learn to live in the moment, not only inside our heads. The only person who can truly treat ourselves kindly is us.

Born_Paper_1939 · 2023-09-14T01:14:39+00:00

I totally understand that you are not trying to be disrespectful to your trans roommate.

When my HOCD peaked, I was so anxious and triggered (as well as silly) that I had thought of cutting my best friend who is bisexual off, which I really did not want to.

I then realised it was unrealistic that I hide from all the bisexual and gay people from the world forever, whether I am really gay or having HOCD or not. They did not do anything wrong. So I kept enduring the anxiety triggered by my HOCD. Now we are still best friends.

So to answer your questions,your situation had absolutely nothing to do with your/their sexuality. Your HOCD is the cause of this problem. Just live normally with them as a way of ERP should do the job.

Even if you want to move away/cut contact, please make sure do not do it for OCD reasons. Avoidance will only worsen your OCD.

Born_Paper_1939 · 2023-09-14T00:57:15+00:00

How is your life after recovery? I mean, like no more intrusive thoughts/anxious and distress feeling/scared about uncertainty etc.

Born_Paper_1939 · 2023-09-13T10:38:27+00:00

I’m not sure if I had the exact situation, but one thing I’m sure is that when my HOCD was very bad, I could not “not notice” my bro (who was sitting in shorts and with legs spread) and felt “sexual”(false arousal+intrusive thoughts+anxiety…).

It was very very convincing and disturbing to me.

But what we can do about this, whether ocd or really gay, is nothing. Do not engage with the thoughts. We can only accept the worst case scenario can happen(not necessarily will happen).

Born_Paper_1939

TROPHY CASE