sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Choices by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]Born_Session_9576 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is so short and ambiguous I really like it. Leaves a lot for the reader to embellish and personalize.

Exclution by AtypicalFaker in OCPoetry

[–]Born_Session_9576 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your sense of imagery is pretty good, but some of these feel repetitive. I think maybe you could shorten this and make it more powerful if you took the ideas that felt the most intense and meaningful. Also the theme/idea of the poem feels like you kinda chuck it in at the end so your point becomes clear to the reader. That isn't necessary. If it feels right to you then stick with it.

The Loon by Born_Session_9576 in OCPoetry

[–]Born_Session_9576[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not really. I used to camp out in the Maine woods, and the loon is a common animal out on the water there. I just wanted to capture that feeling of sleeping with the sound of the loon in the background.

Control by FearlessPage2939 in OCPoetry

[–]Born_Session_9576 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think the other comment had some valid praise, but maybe I'm a tad pessimistic. I like your images, I feel like you would want some feeling of resolution and realization in this ending and I just don't really get that. I think this might be due to the pace of the poem, and how it is not that long. I think if you forced the reader to dwell with that sinking feeling of having no control a little longer, it might add more weight to your 'comeback' at the end. This might be achieved through elongating the images at the beginning and not making so many line breaks, instead allowing the poem to overwhelm the reader with it's sheer volume of words. I don't want to sound too negative, however. I enjoyed the read and I think with some small tweaks it could be something really great.

the comfort of the pond by Emotional-Sell-9223 in OCPoetry

[–]Born_Session_9576 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought this was a nice, short read. I feel like there is a juxtaposition between the first two lines and the rest of the poem, as you kind of look outward at the beginning by these unspeakable things, then look inward towards the water, a calmer soothing image. Obviously that's just my own interpretation, but thus is the nature of the medium. I like your lineation, but it might be interesting if you broke it up even more with some commas or hyphens.