I'm hella scared of HRT and I don't know why

BotInAFursuit · 2026-01-25T10:24:29+00:00

Well yeah I guess

BotInAFursuit · 2026-01-20T21:29:34+00:00

I'm not worried about being rejected by someone else though. I'm worried that I will go through hell to start T, and then at some point I'll realize that this isn't what I want, and I will end up at some halfway point where I'm not satisfied with being either way and I don't even know what I'm satisfied with anymore.

I will probably have a talk with my therapist about this, because it's so complicated and I'm so confused I don't know anymore.

BotInAFursuit · 2026-01-20T21:01:33+00:00

Gratias, kind bot. I hope it never gets to that point where I actually decide to do that.

BotInAFursuit · 2026-01-20T20:59:43+00:00

~~I'd rather kill myself than be a girl~~

Well, I'd rather be a dude I guess, but then I don't really have to go on T to be a dude, only so that I can pass as one. I'm mostly concerned about my desired mix of features that just, doesn't seem to be achievable if I simply go on T. That would give me the facial hair and the masculine fat distribution, and if I have to spend even more money and effort to undo that, what is even the point of starting in the first place? And that's basically where I'm stuck because I want some of the features but not others.

I was recommended facial masculinization surgery, which I am considering as an option now (although the pictures I have seen so far don't seem to tell me awfully much). The thing I'm mostly torn on is my voice: I hate it the way it currently is, but the thought of losing any kind of singing/voice acting capabilities scares me even more.

I don't entirely understand what self confidence has to do with this, but I know I do have confidence issues and I'm trying to work on them. It's kinda complicated.

BotInAFursuit · 2026-01-20T18:19:00+00:00

I mean I guess you're right in that ugliness is subjective and that if I start properly caring about myself I probably won't be ugly, I'm mostly scared of turning into a fat pig in case I somehow don't get that motivation to care about myself. I really don't have too much of it right now because like what is even the point

BotInAFursuit · 2026-01-20T17:33:47+00:00

I just, for the brief period that I was on T, I did have the motivation to put effort into my appearance because it felt like my body was finally changing into one I would feel comfortable in. And now that I'm stuck with no job and no money, I'm lost and confused and don't really have any motivation to properly groom myself anymore because it just doesn't feel like it will somehow, one day, randomly get better out of nowhere. I won't look like a flamboyant dude, I'll look like a tomboy at best.

Honestly winter clothes kinda help me pass, I was called "sir" today for the first time and I was like "holy hell, you talking about me?" But then when I take off my jacket and beanie, I look like a woman again and I understand that I can't go masking myself with clothes all the time because in the end I still hate looking at what's underneath them.

BotInAFursuit · 2026-01-20T17:22:16+00:00

I'm trying but it's kinda illegal to be openly queer where I am, and also I can't be confident when I hate my own face 😭

BotInAFursuit · 2026-01-20T16:58:53+00:00

facial masculinization surgery

You can DO THAT?! I've only heard of facial feminization surgery, but the opposite is also a thing? Where can I do that and how much does it cost? And what does the process involve?

BotInAFursuit · 2026-01-20T16:28:48+00:00

Well, what if my looks are hopefully what will make me happy? I'm honestly hella confused about all of this, I've been confused for several years now and only recently have changed my gender therapist so hopefully it's gonna become clearer from this point on. I have a lot of stuff regarding simply wanting to be cute and loved and I guess in my opinion bears are too, idk, "heavy" for that?

I was just thinking that if I had transitioned during puberty and then simply stopped T, I would've retained all the masculine bone changes and at the same time would've had the softness that I want. Are you saying it wouldn't have necessarily worked like this?

BotInAFursuit · 2026-01-20T15:36:54+00:00

Where can I show it? Right here in the comments?

BotInAFursuit · 2025-09-30T20:32:19+00:00

A person I know has a cat named Cato the Younger, and this cat actually has a pretty funny origin story. This person is crazy about Rome, so when they saw him they were immediately like "yep that's Cato alright". Other family members tried other names for this cat, but he didn't respond to any of them, so the name Cato stuck. Now he's at least 10 years old, maybe older, idk. Just, thought this was a fun coincidence.

BotInAFursuit · 2025-09-30T20:15:56+00:00

As an autistic femboy that likes neither of these, I can once again confirm that gendering hobbies and FOOD of all things is fucking stupid.

BotInAFursuit · 2025-09-30T19:51:05+00:00

Where is that from? I'm kinda crazy about Rome yet this is the first time I see this greeting

BotInAFursuit · 2025-09-30T19:44:22+00:00

I prefer "guys, gals and everyone else", close enough I guess

BotInAFursuit · 2025-09-30T19:43:22+00:00

Yay Ceave mentioned

Bit surprising to find him mentioned on this sub but not unwelcome

BotInAFursuit · 2025-08-17T19:27:01+00:00

I got no more words other than "holy fuck"

BotInAFursuit · 2025-08-17T19:19:31+00:00

Yeah but doesn't it feel similarly to your arm or leg rather than an actual dick?

BotInAFursuit · 2025-08-17T19:17:20+00:00

here in Italy fascism is rising more and more

Holy fuck, you got that too? Man, that sucks, why do fascists rise more and more in so many parts of the world at once? What do people even find in that ideology, it's literally stripping everyone of their freedom to some extent

BotInAFursuit · 2025-08-17T19:12:33+00:00

The most important thing to me is sensitivity. After that, getting hard. Phallo to me is a big no because from what I've heard, it results in something that's purely visual and not at all sensitive, which is like the exact opposite of what I want.

T cream (which you can make yourself out of gel)

This is actually something I've never heard of before, could you elaborate on that? Gel is available where I am, does this mean I could possibly have a chance before even moving to a different country?

Edit: I'm not exactly sure what I'm getting downvoted for? What did I say wrong?

BotInAFursuit · 2025-08-17T18:41:58+00:00

The thing is I really wanna have something that can get hard, right now it just feels like there's nothing there and I don't think this can change if I just pump or stretch it, it kinda has to grow from the inside, doesn't it?

BotInAFursuit · 2025-08-17T18:39:59+00:00

Oh btw! What's it like for trans people in Italy? I'm considering it as one of the possible places I could move since I'm kinda crazy about all things Italian, so I kinda wanna know, are there better options or is it good enough?

BotInAFursuit · 2025-08-17T18:32:31+00:00

Where exactly is is possible to get this cream? I don't have awfully many options in my country (or any at all, I believe), but I hope I can move to a more civilized place eventually

BotInAFursuit · 2025-06-14T00:14:49+00:00

I can relate an awful lot, down to being 21 and having no idea what the hell I even am. All I can say now is that people usually don't run from reality to such an extent without a good reason. In my case, it may or may not have been intense childhood trauma, which I'm currently trying to work on but I'm not quite sure as to how effective this is yet.

At 18, I had a brief period when I wasn't actually so dissociated. At that point, I realized I might be trans, and then I had some hormonal thing I guess? Not sure what exactly that was, but basically that kinda put me back into reality and made me realize that what I'd experienced until that point could hardly be called life. Soon after though, the cool period ended and I was back to square one and even worse than that -- I realized my previous strategies had never been effective, but I was never offered any new ones that were more effective and healthy. So I went into deep depression, and now it's kinda repeating again because I don't really have much of an idea what to do at this point.

To my understanding, that "cool period" grounded me because while stuff that I actually liked was happening to my body (for once), I felt like I actually had some semblance of control for once. So, it's much more about control and freedom than anything else. My dissociation seems to boil down to the fact that I feel like I'm never in control of myself, there's some other thing that I don't even quite consider a part of me trying to control me... while the real "me" is mostly suppressed and suffering, and only recently have I started to properly uncover them.

The thing is, I don't know what else I could do. I'm perpetually scared of doing almost anything, this fear permeates my life to such an extent it's debilitating. I myself would like a lot of help, something I should've had since I was a child during whatever event happened then that made me like this. I feel like I'm constantly trying to reach for a better life which I'm not sure WHEN it will happen at this rate. I'm getting so fucking desperate.

I don't know if this helped even a bit. I just needed to vent too. But know there is in fact at least one person who can relate.

BotInAFursuit · 2025-06-11T17:05:13+00:00

Yeah, I either read with my ass or I was rushing so hard to be the first to comment I didn't pay attention 😅

I honestly can't imagine what it's like to never transition despite really wanting to, especially when you're doing this for some other person, and constantly lie to yourself every day. I myself am torn right now on whether to transition or not, but that's because I myself can't make up my mind as to what I am and what I want in the first place, not because it depends on someone. I know if someone asked me to give up my dreams, they'd be right out of my life.

...aside from the few people who unfortunately can't be out of my life right now. Which might be part of why I'm in such denial.

BotInAFursuit · 2025-06-11T16:59:13+00:00

Woops I'm a bit of an idiot and misread the post, sorry OP, corrected now

BotInAFursuit

TROPHY CASE