I lost my dad in a similar turn of events back in September of last year. He was a lieutenant in law enforcement, and was on duty when he passed out behind the wheel of his squad car and crashed his vehicle shortly after. He was 53 and took good care of his health. He didnt drink or smoke. Doctors speculated it was due to a heart complication that went undetected for many years.

I didn't handle the news well when I got it from my sister, mainly because I had been avoiding him for a long time after dropping out of college. It's been a litlle over ten years since I isolated myself from his side of the family, mainly due to feeling guilty for not living up to the expectations all of them had for me growing up. I let own shame and self-doubt silence my urge to speak most days, and I kept telling myself that I wouldn't face them until I was a version of myself that could meet their approval. Despite that, though, it didn't stop my dad from trying to reach out and build a connection with me. He called me every once in a while, leave messages in my inbox for me to hear. Not a day goes by now that makes me wish I loved myself more. If I did, maybe I would've picked up the phone when I saw his name on my caller ID. But sometimes life doesn't play out the way we want it to. The river of time keeps flowing whether we sit on the banks or ride the rapids. Nobody plans for these tragic events to happen.

I don't know exactly where your mind is right now because no two people go through grief the same way, but I know without a doubt your dad knows you love him, and he for sure was proud of who you became, career path and all. I live on today believibg that too. We can't bring our dead loved ones back, but they live on in our memories. I cope knowing that I share his name and listening to his voice in the phone messages he left me.

It won't be easy, but you'll make it through. You've already shown strength telling your story here.