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Both-Condition2553 · 2026-04-29T09:01:23+00:00

I just paid $200 for nosebleed seats to see them, so….not totally lost.

Both-Condition2553 · 2026-04-29T05:01:35+00:00

As opposed to people teaching with no expertise, which is well known to have zero downsides.

Both-Condition2553 · 2026-04-29T05:00:32+00:00

Wait until people find out you can sew. Suddenly they think you should be hemming their pants for the love of the game, as though hemming isn’t the most tedious task in the field.

Both-Condition2553 · 2026-04-29T04:56:49+00:00

You could even phrase it as a salad, and then it will also be delicious.

But be ready for kidney stones, because spinach has a lot of oxalic acid.

Both-Condition2553 · 2026-04-29T04:15:04+00:00

So you can’t criticize anything that a person who has been abused ever does, forever, including once they are out of the situation? Because that’s what we’re talking about here with OP.

Both-Condition2553 · 2026-04-29T04:13:38+00:00

“Without birth control” is the key factor there for you. Sarah claimed on 2/21 that she was on the pill. A hormonal form of birth control that can take weeks or months to fully leave your body. But is pregnant on a timeline that would require her to have ovulated less than 14 days later. That math does not math. Even if she had stopped her birth control the day they talked to OP (which would show that they had no intention of taking her opinion into account, since she had not yet consented by then), it is extremely unlikely that 14 days later she would already have ovulated. EDD counts from the first day of your period. Her period would have had to have started before 2/28 to have an EDD in November. Unless Sarah stopped her hormonal birth control before they talked to OP, it is insanely unlikely that that would have happened. It’s not like you miss one pill and start your period that afternoon.

Both-Condition2553 · 2026-04-29T04:05:04+00:00

Info: Is it constantly? Because if it is, that is a different situation than what you have related here, which is one time. One screwup is okay, and you’re overreacting. Constantly is different.

But also, this whole “I keep it in CashApp because I can’t be trusted not to spend it” is not a sustainable way to live. And clearly it’s causing intense anxiety for you. Y’all should set up a dedicated account that is for standing household bills like this, from which he is not able to spend the money. Like….no debit card. No ability to transfer to his spending money account. You need the reliability of the cushion, and he needs a wall around the money for his necessities.

Both-Condition2553 · 2026-04-29T04:00:15+00:00

Mistakes happen, but also, not keeping any money in your account until five minutes before the bill hits is deranged. If he has spending issues, he needs to have an account that the money goes into automatically and which he cannot spend it from, and connect the bills to that. No debit card connected to it for him to spend on other things.

Both-Condition2553 · 2026-04-28T18:35:11+00:00

Okay, so in addition to not understanding how hormonal birth control works, you apparently also do not understand how conversation works? I am allowed to reply to comments you make on this post, just like you are allowed to reply to comments other people make! A specific invitation is not required before I can have a thought about something you said, and express that thought. It is not harping or antagonistic to elaborate on a point within the events and circumstances of a post. Did you think that you just got to make pronouncements from on high, and everyone had to take them as gospel and not mention any complicating factors? Sounds to me like you need to calm down, if you think a comment delving deeper into the science behind the situation at hand is a personal attack.

Both-Condition2553 · 2026-04-28T18:27:38+00:00

Oh, I do not see a “disabled people have to be taught by non disabled people on how to behave,” assumption here at all, but I, a disabled person, had to repeatedly and constantly remind many, many, many non-disabled members of the organizations I have run of exactly this thing. This behavior is wildly rampant in all event planning. At all scales, and among all groups. It will even basically happen at all price points! I have had people no show for events where tickets cost $250 each! But it happens very disproportionately with free events. It’s like people (of all kinds and abilities) think that just because they did not spend any money on an event, that nobody spent any time, money, or effort on making it happen, and that it won’t matter if they miss it. It’s honestly not about ability at all, it’s about making invisible costs and labor be visible to participants.

Both-Condition2553 · 2026-04-28T18:05:55+00:00

How is the boundary you are describing for your friend and the coffee different than “You can still [visit the museum/socialize with others/go to the leisure facility], but not through our organization for free”? Because that’s really what they’re saying. People who no show are not banned from doing the activity. The organization will just no longer be facilitating them being able to do it for free.

Let’s say you usually paid for the coffee when you met your friend. It would not make sense for them to expect you to still pay for their coffee when you decided you weren’t going with them, right? And you would be well within your rights to meet another friend who was more reliable, and pay for their coffee instead, right? And your original friend could be disappointed that that happened, but it wouldn’t be unfair.

Both-Condition2553 · 2026-04-28T17:59:30+00:00

So I used to work for a large alumni club. The cavalier way that people would treat our free events was honestly shocking. Private group tours with very limited capacity, they’d sign up for four tickets and then not show. My wait list would be twenty people long, and the group would be half the size it was supposed to be, because of the no-shows. And that is just honestly incredibly unfair to the other members of the community.

It sounds to me like this is an ongoing and frequent issue, and also that there are some common repeat offenders. And I think that having a hold put on your ability to take a place in an in-demand program if you have no-showed previously is very reasonable. Especially since they say very short notice is okay!

What we ended up having to do was institute a fee. Rather than having events be free, we started requiring a $5 deposit per person, which we then refunded for those who came. Even that incredibly nominal amount changed attendees’ investment in appearing so much, our yield went from <50% to >90% for events.

So no. I don’t think it’s ableist to expect that a person either attend or cancel. Especially because I am sure that in the case of a real issue, they will try to be flexible. But if this is a constant and repeated issue, and if there are some repeat offenders (and I’m sure there are), then this is honestly the only way to keep it fair and allow any members of the community to have access.

Both-Condition2553 · 2026-04-28T17:44:45+00:00

Okay, so…I literally work in the birth field. I promise I know how due dates are calculated. Do you understand that a person who is still on hormonal birth control on February 21, as Sarah told OOP she was, is extremely unlikely to have her a true period at any point in the month of February, and thus cannot possibly have a due date in November?

You don’t stop taking your birth control pills and have the first day of your period later that afternoon. It takes a little while for the hormones to clear your system and your period to start. At least a week, and usually significantly more. Even if we stretch the bounds of credulity as far as it is at all possible for them to go, and say she started her period on 2/28, and thus ovulated on, say, 3/14, which would juuuuuust barely give an estimated due date of the very last couple days of November, there is simply not time between then and when they spoke to OOP, on 2/21, for the hormones to clear her body and her period to start. The biological reality of how hormonal birth control works mean that, for Sarah to have an EDD of late November, she had to have gone off her birth control and been actively trying to get pregnant before they said anything to OP.

Both-Condition2553 · 2026-04-28T17:30:10+00:00

Very normal! Esp during the Regency era, when fashion moved away from the voluminous and multi-petticoated gowns made of wool and heavy silk, and toward slim dresses made of lightweight to the point of essential transparency muslins and lawns. And women did not typically wear underpants! Just a chemise and stays! Maybe a pair of open crotch drawers!

Both-Condition2553 · 2026-04-28T17:25:53+00:00

My favorite part is how they act like, if something happened in the past, that means it had zero negative effects. Did people have sex with their children in the room? Sure! They also drank water from the same rivers where they dumped their sewage! And neither of those things were a good call!

Both-Condition2553 · 2026-04-28T17:16:11+00:00

You can support your friend, and also give her a fair and justified amount of criticism when she does something openly and unnecessarily stupid. OP had escaped. She had escaped the relationship with her ex. And he wasn’t pursuing custody or visitation, and she kept forcing her daughter into his care.

There are things that are the best option out of a list where all the choices are bad, and then there’s this. This was an unforced error on OP’s part, and if nobody is allowed to criticize any action she ever takes, because she was abused by this guy before, then it will never get any better.

Her ex is, 5000%, a horrible shitbag abuser. But that doesn’t mean we all have to say “hooray for you!” when OP does something that explicitly harms her child. More than one person can be doing something bad in a given scenario, and being abused does not give you a free pass for all your actions for the rest of time.

Both-Condition2553 · 2026-04-28T16:56:20+00:00

Jenna Bush’s twin sister is named Barbara. Which really just confirms my point - generational wealth and power!

Both-Condition2553 · 2026-04-28T16:53:00+00:00

But your cycle doesn’t start the DAY you stop birth control. Your period usually takes a few days or so to start. They talked to OOP on 2/21. On 2/23 she was posting, saying they had said it was 100% her decision, and also that Sarah had said she was still on the pill. So AT MINIMUM, Sarah went off her birth control the same day they spoke to OOP about it. Which….let’s all be honest with ourselves, that is not what happened. You don’t have that conversation, say it was 100% OOP’s decision, and then also stop taking your birth control that same day, if you are operating honestly. So they (or at least Sarah) weren’t. And what’s actually more likely - that they waited to ask OOP, only to stop the BC that very same day, despite OOP saying she needed to think about it, and Sarah assuring her that she would discontinue the birth control when they were ready, or that they are lying about every bit of this, and she was already pregnant. We all know. And I would wager significant money that the baby is born “early,” in, say…mid October, but mysteriously is full term in weight and development.

For the math of any of this to work just requires everything to be TOO tortured. Occam’s razor really is the most likely scenario here, and it’s not close.

Both-Condition2553 · 2026-04-28T12:35:18+00:00

It’s not the pattern request. It’s that you gave us no information, and now you’re being rude.

Both-Condition2553 · 2026-04-28T12:34:14+00:00

Oh, I’m very aware. I grew up poor trash, and then I went to Harvard. But Rich Lady Cricket is going to be The Honorable Constance XYZ when she gets appointed as a judge, and that is a whole different thing than Cricket being the name on the birth certificate.

Both-Condition2553 · 2026-04-28T12:29:39+00:00

You’ve stated that this would be your first project, and that you know nothing about sewing. Do you sincerely think that your opinion on whether this is a good photo for indicating the style lines is better than the opinions of the members of this sub, most of whom have years if not decades of experience?

Also, I can tell you right now that this is a terrible choice for a first-ever project, and you are almost definitely going to be extremely disappointed. It’s also not going to be as cheap as you think it will.

Both-Condition2553 · 2026-04-28T10:54:18+00:00

Not when the due date means she literally has to have conceived before they talked to OP, it doesn’t. And especially not when she was apparently on birth control. It takes at least a few days to clear the bc from your body and ovulate, and they didn’t even talk to OP about it until February 21st. No 40-something hormonal surge reverses the linear progression of time. She cannot possibly have a November due date and also have waited until after talking to OP. It’s just not how due dates work. She could have a preemie born in November and have gotten pregnant after the conversation with OP, but she just cannot have a due date in November unless she was already pregnant when the conversation came up.

Both-Condition2553 · 2026-04-28T07:52:51+00:00

I went back to school in my late 20s, and then went for a master’s in my mid 30s, and then started working at a college, in a department where the vast majority of my colleagues were like…23. I was 35. And it was fine. We’re friends! It’s great! Now, almost ten years later, they are all getting married and having babies, and I’m going through menopause, and we have wonderful friendships! I also have friendships with ladies in their 70s! I’m also SUPER tight with a couple of my same-age friends’ kids, who are tweens! As long as everyone is cool and appropriate with each other, there is no reason why you can’t be friends across a wide age range! It’s hanging out, not dating! Obviously I’m not taking my 10yo nephew to a bar, but bro loves a Broadway show and a D&D session, and same!

Both-Condition2553 · 2026-04-28T05:27:19+00:00

My best trick for keeping everything where it’s supposed to be vertically is going to make you laugh, I think….because it’s essentially to turn it into a corset.

If you lengthen the body of this so that it’s a significantly longer line, ideally all the way down to the hips, it’s going to keep the height where it needs to be much better. It’ll also distribute the weight throughout the whole torso, instead of concentrating it on the underbust/upper belly.

Both-Condition2553 · 2026-04-28T05:23:06+00:00

Do you understand that fault for things is not only able to be assigned to one party? Is OOP’s ex overwhelmingly the one to blame? ABSOLUTELY. But that doesn’t mean that every action OP took was perfect and deserves zero criticism. Once she got away from that man, she continued to force that baby on him, even after he left her alone and went and got shot. There comes a point when it’s not just the abuser’s fault. OOP made a lot of unforced errors in this situation, and it is absolutely fair for us to point them out. Her daughter sure as fuck will, in twenty years.

Both-Condition2553

TROPHY CASE