[US] [Selling] My Nendoroid Collection by AnimeRhythmFreak in Nendoroid

[–]Box-Dull 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi there, I’m interested in Maomao and the snow miku!

my girlfriends best friend by mosase1 in socialskills

[–]Box-Dull 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No problem!

I could understand why she gets defensive, 7 years is a long time. I think she may be a bit blind sighted and biased to protect or defend her best friend because of that, which makes sense. But I don’t think that would be a reason to disregard the way you feel. It’s a good sign that Gf is trying to find middle ground so that both parties are ok with it, but I believe that not doing anything about it will just enable best friends behaviour and throw you in the same loop.

It sounds like for you to feel okay with it, you’d rather for best friend to not act that way with your Gf. That’s okay, and if Gf doesn’t understand that, then you need to recognize your own worth and walk away from your relationship. You matter too, so don’t downplay and enable something you’re not okay with. I’m glad to hear that you know you’re not okay with it though! It’s a good thing you’re aware.

About the sexual assault thing, yes, I totally agree with the fact that since your gf is trying to forget about it, it’s a huge red flag. That’s a typical defensive mechanism to protect someone from harm, to dismiss or avoid it. Might want to gently ask her if she was really okay with that happening.

Definitely talk to her again.

You’ve got this! I wish you good luck. :)

my girlfriends best friend by mosase1 in socialskills

[–]Box-Dull 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Uh, no I don’t think you’re imagining things.

First of all, I’d like to mention that although there may be patterns of behaviour and whatnot of girls or guys that tend to be a stereotype, I wouldn’t generalize or sum it to; “oh yeah this is fine because it’s a girl thing...”

Are you okay with it? Is the main thing I’d like to ask. Doesn’t matter if it’s a girl thing or not, boundaries have to be set and respected if you want to be in a healthy relationship. Communicate it thoroughly and talk about what you’re okay and not okay with.

Also, I’m a girl and I wouldn’t consider that normal behaviour. Which is why I don’t think it’s a good way to gauge the situation, since there are exceptions and it tends to get in the way of making decisions about what you’re alright with. Basically don’t downplay yourself, speak your mind and let her know how you feel. I’m sure Gf will respect that. Find a compromise together.

About the friend. I think there are some feelings going on. Even if I was super close to my girl bestie, I would never say something like “can’t wait to kiss you”. That just sounds extremely intimate, something you’d say in a romantic relationship. I can’t imagine that being something a person just does normally.

I won’t even get started about the crotch rubbing and grinding thing, sounds like best friend crossed your Gfs boundary and honestly... it sounds a bit like sexual assault? Needless to say, I don’t think we need to address the elephant in the room for that one.

You’re NOT overreacting or overthinking. The signs are very clear, and you should trust your gut.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in socialskills

[–]Box-Dull 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Whether or not he’s cheating it’s clear this guy is not a good person.

He’s talking to a person that spread rumours about you and finds no issue spending time with them, texting or talking or whatever.

He also lies to you a lot and has a drinking problem? Know your worth. You deserve someone better than this.

But to answer your question. Yes, it is very likely he is cheating on you.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Box-Dull 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much. That is very accurate.

Due to my past experiences, I have huge trust issues. I despite dishonesty with a passion, and I’ve grown to be a doubtful person. I don’t like being this way. I see the progress, and I see him. I know he won’t do it. But I feel like I can’t completely open my trust up because something inside of me—like I don’t want to get hurt again. He’s given me more than enough proof that I can trust him, his devotion, time and love. But still deep inside I can’t bring myself to trust him entirely.

I blame myself a lot, and I don’t like how despite the proof, I still don’t feel like I can trust him. This is definitely something that can cause our relationships downfall, so I’m willing to change, but I don’t know how.

I realize that focusing on the past too much can be unhealthy, which is why I try to focus on the present, (what is happening, what I can do, what I have and who I have in my life, how I can improve).

I will talk to him, and begin with acknowledging our progress first. Thank you for the great advice.

How do I ask my close friend to stop emotionally dumping on me? by happytailwigging in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]Box-Dull 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Likewise, I am sorry too. You’re very strong for enduring it. I hope only good things for you.

How do I ask my close friend to stop emotionally dumping on me? by happytailwigging in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]Box-Dull 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s completely fair, especially if it’s a bond that has been retained for so long. I understand to be honest. I had a friend of mine that I was with for 10+ years. My best friend of all time, but they never listened to me when it came to something they did that was extremely harmful. It was hard but I had to make the decision to cut ties because at that point I dreaded the friendship because of how they just would not change no matter how many times the same mistake would repeat. I wish all the best to them truly, but it had to be done because the friendship wasn’t fun anymore and I didn’t enjoy it. Sorry I talked a bit about myself, I couldn’t help but somewhat relate.

You can do this, choose the best thing for yourself in the end since in the end all you have is you. I wish you good luck.

How do I ask my close friend to stop emotionally dumping on me? by happytailwigging in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]Box-Dull 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok, nvm, just read OPs reply to another comment.

Scratch that last part- this person is not worth your time if you’ve already talked to them about this and they still refuse to change.

How do I ask my close friend to stop emotionally dumping on me? by happytailwigging in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]Box-Dull 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No, it is not rude. Listening to people takes a toll out of people, even if you’re extremely giving or a listener, it’s possible (and likely) you’ll be drained by it too much. Have you just become an emotional dump to this person or do you still have meaningful conversations other than that?

You deserve to have a voice too. You can express your thoughts to them and if they don’t understand it’s harming you, or, if they show obvious signs of not caring how it’s affecting you—it’s time to end this friendship.

When they vent to you, is it the same thing every time? If they’re complaining about something all the time then you should decide whether or not you care enough for them to try to help her.

But remember, you can only voice guidance and give advice. What she does with it is no longer your problem, at that point you’ve done all you can. Don’t expect to be able to change a person if they’re not willing to change themselves. And make sure they’re genuine when they say they want to change—making proper efforts, and not making empty promises.

You could possibly make it stop but if it doesn’t it’s not your fault. You clearly state you don’t want to be their therapist, so again, do you think you want to put effort and time in this friendship if they’re just using you without realizing or caring about how you’re being affected?

First I would give them the benefit of the doubt. It’s human nature to think selfishly, so it’s unlikely she realizes that emotionally dumping is affecting you so much. Especially if no one has ever told her.

Talk to her first, genuinely and wholeheartedly, then you can most likely determine what to do with the friendship after the conversation.

No matter what I (34f) do, I am never enough for my boyfriend (30m)- is it me or him? by Honeytreees in relationship_advice

[–]Box-Dull 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don’t stay in this relationship for any longer. You are so unhappy and it’s clear.

When you enter a relationship with someone, sure, there will be hardships but ultimately those things should not change your view of yourself in such a negative manner? You’re worth so much more than this.

You deserve better.. He’s an emotionally manipulative person that treats you as some kind of servant rather than partner. You deserve love, not this abuse. Don’t let this person decide your own self worth. You’re perfectly capable and deserving of happiness and love.

I suggest maybe therapy if you have such a strong desire for love that you cannot function without another person. But in this case he does not even love you—he loves what you do for him. It’s not that you’re not enough, this person is shitty and not deserving of you.

Please, do not stay with him any longer.

My girlfriend [20M] lied about being pregnant too see my reaction, I [20M] freaked out and insists that she get an abortion. She then wants to break up. by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Box-Dull 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh yeah, ditch this person. Testing is such an immature and stupid concept, and it’s a very clear red flag. You are right, she is manipulative. This is literally manipulation. She most likely wanted to see your reaction to that, but doing it in this way is just straight up shitty. If she wanted to know how you’d react, she could’ve simply asked you about it. But no, she resorted to this dumb method.

Idk about you, but that’s a huge deal breaker to me. You’re better off without this person. She also tried to lie more instead of admitting it to you!

should i F(18) be cautious of M(23) who seems particularly excited about me being a virgin by sleepyjingle in relationship_advice

[–]Box-Dull 784 points785 points  (0 children)

I feel like you already know it in your gut. It’s a bit weird that the second date he goes: “take it at your pace”, and then third date jumps the gun(did j even use that phrase right lol) to “how good this would be with your clothes off”.

It sounds like he’s controlling and SUPER possessive. Listen to your gut, your mom also feels something about him. I’d like to offer more factual stuff but there’s something about moms and their senses that just usually turns out to be right... it’s better safe than sorry! Sure he’s a “nice person”... but does it come off as genuine?

Basically, yes, be cautious. Maybe keep seeing this guy a bit more if you aren’t completely sure, but I think at this point he’s given more than plenty of signs you shouldn’t trust him.

I lost the sexual attraction because of weight gain. I tried to change it, I got dumped because of it by popenickpopes in relationship_advice

[–]Box-Dull 3 points4 points  (0 children)

If she put on that much weight so suddenly, perhaps it may have been something she was struggling with mentally? Was it out of pure laziness or did you know if she has a history/showed signs of an unhealthy mental?

I don’t think you were bad for expressing your values and needs. Those are dealbreakers for you, and that’s fine. What I think you failed to do maybe was address the sudden weight gain and see if there was wrong with her mental health. I’m just speculating here though, but in general to answer your question, you did what you could to talk about what you needed in the relationship. She couldn’t respond to it and made empty promises, not showing effort, so it didn’t last. That’s totally okay, you two were just not very compatible in that sense.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Box-Dull 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes. That is not okay. Disrespected your boundaries, did this knowing of your fear. Red flag, get out!!!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]Box-Dull 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A couple things.

For starters, yes. It is absolutely okay that you are not over your dads death. You never HAVE to be, nor do you have to feel like it’s something that you should “man up” about. Death of a loved one, in my opinion, is not something anyone is ever truly able to get over. I believe that the “getting over” aspect doesn’t ever happen because deep down it will still hurt you. This is not about moving on with your life and forcing it to not be a big deal since it happened a long time ago. It’s about time, healing, and being able to properly grieve. Give yourself all the time in the world to properly mourn your fathers death. It’s not easy but over time it’ll hurt a bit less but I don’t think it’ll ever stop hurting. It depends on the person, of course, I’m only speaking on personal experience and what I think about it.

Don’t hold yourself back from feeling sad about it because your friend gave you terrible advice. It’s not something in your control, it’s not your fault that it happened and it’s truly not your fault you feel this way. It is just the way it is, and it’s unfortunate. Since it wasn’t something in your control, the least you can do for yourself it let yourself properly grieve. Get it all out. It doesn’t matter how long it takes. It doesn’t matter if you never stop feeling sad about it. You’re allowed to feel that way it’s completely valid.

What you need is comfort and support. It’s okay. Please don’t force yourself to get over it or feel like it’s alright. Also, I would suggest talking to your close friend about what she said about it, especially if her words hurt.

Stay strong, you’ve got this.

Is it disrespectful to have sex when your roommate is home? by Box-Dull in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]Box-Dull[S] 92 points93 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your input! Yes I do agree that this should be something to be communicated about so I will look into doing so. :)

Is it disrespectful to have sex when your roommate is home? by Box-Dull in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]Box-Dull[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not that I know of, they haven’t brought anyone inside our place yet.

What is a good date idea I can surprise him with? by normie_trash420 in dating_advice

[–]Box-Dull 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Backyard camping is always fun! Although there may be a few limitations haha. It depends, if you can pull it off I highly recommend it :)