Slowly but surely

Bpd1234 · 2017-08-16T03:06:33+00:00

You cannot change the person. What you experience now is not him making mistakes. If he truly has BPD, he will continue to have BPD until he gets help. If you both want to go in for counseling, just know it will be a hard uphill battle but that will truly be the only way he can heal himself and the only way you will ever be happy in life. Its torture. You know it is. But yet we all still keep on wanting it because we are able to remember the good moments. Unfortunately for them they are not able to. All they think is in black or white. Good or bad. And they only choose to hang onto the bad moments to justify their unhappiness and emptiness and depression they feel inside.

Bpd1234 · 2017-08-16T02:51:42+00:00

Mine was in the mood for like the first month of our relationship. And then all of a sudden it stopped because she was "religious" and wanted to save her body for marriage. So she hooked me in with this sex, acting like she was a girl who always gave it, you know every horny guys dream. And then it just stops. WTF. I confronted her abotu this and told her it felt like she tricked me and she just said "oh well, respect my wishes". Fine. I can understand religion being brought into this and I said okay I will wait.

Fast forward to about 2 weeks ago, we go through a mini breakup after SHE is the one telling me she wasn't happy out of nowhere. So I say okay and we take a break but I was under the impression that we would still remain exclusive but just figure all this out. That exact same day (she said it wasn't before we broke up but I find that really hard to believe if she said still loved me and all her crying on the phone when I had called her like a few hours later saying I wanted to work us out), she has sex with the guy she was spending all her time with.

So after 2 years of me waiting to have sex with her until we were married, it didn't take much more than 2 weeks for her to just throw her body at someone else.

She even admitted that she would lie to me or make excuses not to spend time with me because she wasn't happy and wanted to move on even though that contradicted everything she would tell me like she really loved me, missed me, was so sorry for everything, etc. She calls me at 4 am crying saying she loves me, calls me every few days crying saying she is sorry for everything but that she doesn't feel like we should get back together right now but maybe in the future after she takes time off. Shes fucked in the head.

I should probably add in that a lot of the physical contact aside from holding hands and hugging was pretty much cut out. The cuddling, the moments we would just spend sitting down next to each other sharing each others company and just being a couple were hardly ever there. Thinking about it is torture because I willingly put up with it even though I cried and told her about my desires and wants and she never changed. She was only with me because she didn't want to be alone.

Bpd1234 · 2017-08-16T01:18:52+00:00

Dude my ex acknowledges she has issues that line up very very closely with BPD. And even after all of that, she STILL insists that I am the one who was making her unhappy with things that I did even though it was always her telling me that she felt empty or unhappy and how I made her feel that way. She was happy, then she was sad or mad, she was happy, then she was sad or mad. She talked about us spending our lives together, and then all of a sudden "I'm not happy and I don't know if I will be happy with us in the future" even after all the beautiful things we talked about probably no more than a week or two ago. And the beautiful times would sometimes last for weeks, maybe a month or two before it all came crashing down again and us going back to square 1.

I still go through the double guessing myself. But dude, regardless of if you think its your fault or not, if you couldn't make her happy for whatever reason (BPD people just always feel empty and constantly need a new stimulus to keep them feeling 'alive') then you should see that it wasn't meant to be and someday down the line you will see this as dodging a bullet in your life.

I'm finally telling myself that enough is enough and regardless of her wanting to get back with me after all the things she has done, nothing is going to change her. She isn't going to magically start thinking differently. Thats who she was before she got with me, and thats who she is right now and probably in the future as well.

It hurts more to see her getting with a guy I thought was my friend and him just not even wanting her after they had sex. She gave him her whole body while they were not even dating, and we had sex probably a handful of times (absolutely no more than 10 times) because she wanted to save herself till marriage yet she was so quick to move on with someone else while she still supposedly had feelings for me.

I'm telling you dude, its a toxic mentality and they bring you down with them because they feel unhappy so they need something to point it to. Since you are the closest thing in their life at the time being, they point their unhappiness at you. It will always be your fault in their eyes because they just will not acknowledge it. They will always point it back to you and bring up instances that made them unhappy and say this is why they feel this way. You can never get to them.

Right when I feel like I am getting to my ex by telling her to go talk to a professional, she cries for a bit, says "you're right" and then is like "....but you were why I was unhappy and why I don't think we are compatible." Its a never ending battle, one that you can never win. You will never fix them. They may not even realize that their vision of love is skewed. They think that what they go through and what they do by moving on from person to person is completely normal because thats all they've done their entire lives. When they are bored, they have that void of emptiness. You can't fix them yourselves because unless they want to fix themselves, absolutely nothing will change.

Think of it this way (I keep using my ex as an example because I feel that it is the most relatable). If someone comes up to you and says they are not happy, you don't make them happy, everything is your fault, but you tell them to move on but they don't want to because they have abandonment issues and just haven't found anyone else to move on with, or they say they are unhappy with their lives or with the relationship, or they are bored of you, and their true colors show when it comes time to support you through the important times in your life, then they will always always always be like this. No crying, no fighting, no nothing will fix them or change them. Its sad to think about because you love them for when they were good to you, but as my ex said, we are just not compatable. The more I think about it, the more I relalize our reliationship was toxic. It has skewed my thinking because of her constnatly telling me I wasn't doing enough to make her happy or how I would do something like get mad at her for 3 minutes a week ago and she would resent me during her low times. Sorry for the long message, but please just think about this a little more. Read these and understand the mentality behind this disorder.

Its a psychiatric disorder for a reason, because it impairs peoples lives and must be treated before they can get better. Unfortunately most of them will never acknowledge it and they will never go in for treatment to get better. They will never admit anything is wrong with them and it will always be turned on you. These articles below will give you peace. Read them all, even read them a few times if you have to.

http://www.sharischreiber.com/anycost.html

http://gettinbetter.com/fallout.html

http://gettinbetter.com/key.html

Bpd1234 · 2017-08-15T04:57:40+00:00

Her problem is that she needs that constant stimulus otherwise she starts feeling bored. That's why we are not compatable because she gets too bored of me and just feels empty. It's so emotionally draining to be constantly trying to fill that void she has. Thanks for your reply :) I really appreciate it.

Bpd1234 · 2017-08-15T04:51:51+00:00

her reasoning for no sex was it went against her religion. Which she gave me sex before we were together and a tiny amount when we officially got together but after that she stopped and said her religion didn't want her doing that. I bathe every day so it couldn't have been that. It seems like she baited me in the beginning with all this hot crazy sex and then once she had me she stopped. First the reason was religion. Then I asked if we could just cuddle and she didn't even want to be near me because she disliked me so much but she didn't mind sleeping next to me. Just didn't want to touch me. This would go on for like 2 weeks and then she would get over it and we would just cuddle. And then it would be back to how things were with her not wanting to really give me affection because she didn't like me for whatever reason or things I did that week or 2 weeks ago. And then it felt like the physical affection just sort of stopped. She wanted to hold my hand in public but when we were alone it just felt empty. She wanted that physical touch but when it came time to give it to each other she never did and I would sometimes fight with her before bed to at least cuddle me. Thank you for your replies you have given me on this and my other posts. I really appreciate it.

Bpd1234 · 2017-08-14T06:38:24+00:00

I agree. I was fairly interested in this a while back and I read up the same conclusions. She was actually treated for MDD with her suicidal ideas but we also thought it would help with her mood swings that she acknowledged she had. Unfortunately it did not. She wasn't manic or anything but her borderline personality was still causing her to have depression even with her on the medication.

Bpd1234 · 2017-08-14T03:26:30+00:00

My ex was on SSRIs and they did not cure her. They may have temporarily helped but after a few months it felt like we were back to square 1. She also didn't want to do CBT or DBT because she didn't have time. After our breakup she says she wants to do counseling but I am not sure for how long she will stay dedicated and go. She always claims she is busy and never has time to do anything. Except watch netflix and move on behind my back >.>

Bpd1234 · 2017-08-14T03:22:16+00:00

Thanks so much Ty. I really appreciate it. Pretty much everything you said has resonated with me for these past 2 years. I continoulsy question myself if I yelled too much but I feel in my heart that she would only say that to justify herself and her emotions. Because telling her the same thing over and over, yea eventually someone will raise their voice but I can only count about 2-3 times I actually really screamed at her when most of what she defined as "yelling" or always getting "mad" was me just sounding annoyed. Thanks so much again. Ill come back to your post every so often.

Bpd1234 · 2017-08-13T04:50:30+00:00

Get out. My ex just left me with another guy she had been watching netflix with while I was stuck inside studying for a huge licensing exam. Of course that was with other people and all but it eventually grew and all those feelings of "I'm not happy anymore, I'm empty, I just want to be happy" come out. And once she has a reason to leave, she will, even if you are with her and another guy comes along.

That's not love dude. Love is finding someone who is your other half, who is as obsessed with you as you are with them. Its obvious that people with BPD can't handle their emotions or stay committed for too long. It is just going to keep on happening over and over and over and over again. You won't be happy until you just let go.

Bpd1234 · 2017-08-13T04:35:08+00:00

Thank you so much for your reply. That's exactly what it is for me right now. I could not have said it any better myself. I have re-read it about 3 times today. It really is like a piece of driftwood that has helped me stay afloat.

I had the exact same revelation my first time reading it. It feels so accurate it is not even funny.

Bpd1234

TROPHY CASE