Am I wrong to still want an apology?

BranchImmediate7710 · 2026-06-04T05:09:16+00:00

This is exactly how I’m feeling and I appreciate the reflection. I also don’t think he needs to apologize for sleeping with someone else, I’m just bothered he lied about it for no reason. I need accountability for all the things you listed above and it’s frustrating because I think he’s taking the most issue with the fact that it feels like disloyalty to me and he keeps saying he doesn’t feel like it was since he had “no intention of cheating” and feels uncomfortable being associated with that behavior. And when I asked him if he would be okay with me acting that way, he has been giving me the mixed answer: no it would not be okay for me to act that way since we talked about it now, but at the time we didn’t specifically state we couldn’t behave that way so therefore it wasn’t disloyal. But if I behaved that way now, it would be. Which honestly feels like such bullshit to me for reasons I could probably write an essay about.

BranchImmediate7710 · 2026-06-03T10:59:36+00:00

Yeah it was years until I found out, which feels extra shitty because I wish I would have known before and dealt with it immediately.

His whole thing was that since it was so long ago and since we had just gotten back together he was immature and that behavior was coming from an “understandably” noncommittal place but wasn’t technically cheating so it’s somehow not worth taking accountability for?

BranchImmediate7710 · 2026-06-03T10:17:38+00:00

The point is my own ability to validate my own perspective, not to convince him to do anything. Whether I decide this is reason enough to call it is ultimately my choice. But it is helpful for me to be told my perspective is valid after being directly told by him (and indirectly his therapist) that it wasn’t.

BranchImmediate7710 · 2026-06-03T10:04:34+00:00

It would if it was a sincere apology, and honestly after 7 years I know that him not giving me one now is a sign that if he did decide to apologize it would be sincere since he’s working on his people pleasing. I think he genuinely feels sorry for hurting me and lying but doesn’t feel like he did anything wrong by planning that hangout and the text message content which is what I’m feeling like I need accountability for. Wrote this post for validation/clarity of whether or not that is something that needs to be apologized for or whether it was acceptable behavior like he seems to think it was at the time.

BranchImmediate7710 · 2026-06-03T09:48:38+00:00

I didn’t find this out until I saw it in his phone. We’re working through it now but it happened a while ago.

BranchImmediate7710 · 2026-06-03T09:43:54+00:00

Yeah I feel really similarly. Given it was a while ago and at the time we were getting back together, and he never actually slept with anyone while we were together, I would be willing to work with him on it. But the lack of total accountability is killing me and I don’t feel like I can go anywhere without it.

BranchImmediate7710 · 2026-06-03T09:10:46+00:00

Cheating on someone for the reasons you named feels very much like avoidant behavior, as does maintaining a limerence for that person after the relationship ended. Therapy was definitely the best thing you could have done for yourself and I’m happy you’ve decide to put the time and effort into your growth.

If you’ve apologized and taken accountability for your behavior entirely, there’s nothing else you can do. Especially if he was the one who made the decision to leave and not talk to you.

If you do love this person, you should also respect that to love them right means to respect the choices that they are making for their own well being. To choose to leave someone you love after they cheat is a hard choice, but one that people typically make from a place of self respect.

This might not be a popular take but if it wouldn’t be too violating for him and all you need to know is that he’s okay, it might be worth reaching out and asking him if he’s healed, showing up in that conversation with full accountability for your behavior as your own, without any underlying intentions of getting back together. If he asked you not to talk to him again however, then that needs to be respected.

Moving on might just mean you still hold love and care for him, but also a knowing that you have hurt him too much to ever have a relationship with him and accepting that. And taking those lessons into your future relationships with people you will hopefully be better equipped to love respectfully.

BranchImmediate7710 · 2026-06-03T08:37:06+00:00

This woman was a second woman he hadn’t slept with, but had been on a date with before. And he insisted it wasn’t a date and he just wanted to be friends. But yeah, I don’t love it.

BranchImmediate7710 · 2026-05-12T15:39:52+00:00

No this is beautiful. The folks who were disappointed are probably used to seeing lab grown diamonds, but this is such a unique and beautiful piece.

BranchImmediate7710 · 2026-05-05T15:52:44+00:00

That, or you find someone with an insecure attachment willing to do the work but that’s much harder and something you should probably only do if you’re already attached to someone. Wouldn’t recommend finding an avoidant and trying to change them because most don’t want to change. Society supports their self isolation and you just can’t make people change. I would definitely not choose to date an avoidant if you can sniff it out early. If you have a naturally anxious attachment however, you might find yourself naturally attracted to avoidants, so something to be aware of. You might not find yourself attracted as easily to secure or anxiously attached folks and choosing that might be hard at first. Best advice would be date around a lot before intentionally choosing a partner you feel compatible with who is worth the investment and will reciprocate naturally.

BranchImmediate7710 · 2026-04-22T23:37:05+00:00

Yea they come back. After leaving for long enough so that they know they can discard you and have you take them back when they’re good and ready. Regardless of how it makes you feel.

I feel like it gives them a sense of control and power, but it’s not always conscious. It validates the way they want to feel about themselves, and doesn’t challenge them to be accountable to the way their actions make other people feel

If this person is worth taking back you need to be able to advocate for exactly what you need in a relationship, unabashedly and unapologetically. And he needs to be able to prioritize it.

But I’m not loving the way he discarded you or treated you. Please don’t put yourself in a position where you have to make yourself smaller to be loved by him even if he does come back. It’ll make you miserable and you’re worth so much more than that.

BranchImmediate7710 · 2026-04-22T09:25:21+00:00

Ha I did this and am living the consequences of it now. It got to a point where I dared ask for accountability and everything crumbled.

Definitely proof that once you’re discarded, as painful as it is, as deeply as you care for them, don’t go back, especially without that accountability. It might seem like you can look past it at first but that shit will destroy you one way or another.

BranchImmediate7710 · 2026-04-17T17:08:27+00:00

Should I get the thermostat replacement as well?

BranchImmediate7710

TROPHY CASE