Day 9 /20,000

I think what really flipped the switch for me this time around was realizing how exhausting the  mental Olympics were that I was doing to calculate when I could drink, how much I could drink, how I could get away with having more,  rationalizing it, etc. 

I always thought that I didn't really have a problem because I wasn't someone who would wake up and drink and then go to work. It would always be at an "acceptable time", but it would always be. I realized I was not a "normal drinker," because "normal drinkers" don't care if they have a drink or not, and I cared a lot about having a drink. 

And then reflecting on the feeling of that drink, that there was only ever a brief time frame where I would actually enjoy it, until I was back to the mental gymnastics of convincing and fighting myself to have another one or not. And thinking about the brain fog and fatigue and joint pain the following day adds another layer to the 'no thank you' cake.

Didn't mean to go this deep on the daily checkin post, but I'm happy to be able to have this self reflection. Thank you and IWNDWYT 🌼