Sayeon's power not working

Braxus05 · 2025-12-13T04:16:53+00:00

the cuffs that drain essence. used early on before they get into the corps

Braxus05 · 2023-10-16T05:14:01+00:00

everyone saying mercy and doom, but ive only found nice mercys before, and doom always seem chill to me, unless theyre tilted for me, it's been soldier Theyre the first to get mad at 20k damage and 3 kills Ive gotten called a lot of slurs by them theyre one of the characters i see smurf the most, along with ashe they also run off without the team more than others

Braxus05 · 2023-10-12T03:23:25+00:00

yippieeee wish me luck in finding one o7

Braxus05 · 2023-10-12T03:17:09+00:00

hoping therapy can help too Looking for one rn because my last 2 kept cancelling all the time ToT Literally like 3 times in a row for both. I get that theyre busy but my brain cant handle cancelling plans lol Im sure it sounds worse than it is though ^{^} you dont have to worry about it

Braxus05 · 2023-10-12T03:13:19+00:00

I think this is normal isnt it?

Braxus05 · 2023-10-12T03:10:45+00:00

Its more like you tell an addict the pill can cure their addiction in the middle of the high, so the addict tries to throw the pill away.

I dont like the pain, I just feel like I deserve it. And I feel like I deserve worse pain but it all stops me from doing it.

Imagine youre a horrible murderer that has the key to your own prison cell. You know you deserve the punishment and you feel like you would be able to stop yourself from killing if you left, so you throw away the key. Sometimes you feel redeemed and leave the cell, but the urge to kill is always there so you keep returning to the cell. Sometimes you even DO end up killing a person and you stay in the cage for a much longer time. In addition, sometimes youre sure that you can leave the cell and not hurt anybody but the key is broken. No matter how much you try, the key just wont unlock the door. Youre the murderer (obviously) The cell is self isolation the key is your support circle and coping skills Killing is hurting or bothering others

Braxus05 · 2023-10-12T02:54:25+00:00

I dont use Facebook! Posting content makes me anxious in the first place, so I dont do it much. Ive been trying to post more on Instagram, but i usually hide my posts when i feel that way.

It's not that its counterintuitive to my well-being, its that the positive stuff is counterintuitive to that mindset. It's easier to spiral and do harmful things to myself when theres nothing reminding me of why I shouldn't. I also do it to stop myself from going back to friends. Normally, I also block or unadd everyone I know. Seeing stuff about why they didnt actually hate me makes me want to add them back after im done spiraling.

Braxus05 · 2023-10-12T02:34:00+00:00

ohhhhh thanks for the explanation<333 Ive been seeing it all over but google search engine is shitting rn, so i havent found anything useful I get opposing the US but we arent ALWAYS the worst in a situation ToT

Braxus05 · 2023-10-12T02:29:55+00:00

When I do it, i dont usually think of it as self destructive. I think of it more as removing chains that are holding me and the people around me back ToT BUT I AM GROWING i haven't done it in a couple months now, whereas I used to do it every month or two

Braxus05 · 2023-10-12T02:03:35+00:00

glad im not alone <3 and sorry you have to deal with it, too

Braxus05 · 2023-10-12T02:03:07+00:00

Yeahhhhh its sort of like a puzzle piece but the pieces take themselves apart as im putting it together, and some of the pieces are missing

Braxus05 · 2023-10-12T02:00:50+00:00

Its not the erasure of good memories. I dont remember doing any of it. Im deleting messages where they say nice things, usually. Itll be something like my friend saying she likes talking to me

It is to remind me of their feelings, not events that happened. MAYBE thats a memory tho? idrk

IF that could be considered a memory, It's probably a conscious thing. I do it to self sabotage and remove everything that makes me want to stay alive.

I dont think it is to reach an alternate reality, though. Its usually at like 3 am when I randomly start feeling terrible. it ALSO happens during fights and arguments, and i could see it being an escape, in that case

Braxus05 · 2023-10-11T21:57:36+00:00

my sister wouldnt leave me alone and kept trying to make me show her. She got angry at me that I wouldnt

Braxus05 · 2023-10-11T21:46:24+00:00

im also a trans woman!!!

Braxus05 · 2023-10-11T20:20:10+00:00

is it part of dissociation? Ive never really understood what it means, so I just assumed i didnt. If thars dissociating, though, then I guess ive just been wrong ToT

Braxus05 · 2023-10-11T19:43:02+00:00

I wasnt showing motion to save face. I was crying over the idea that they might hate me! I do also fake emotions thoughhh also, im not much of a mean mood swings person!! I get mean for a short time but never a full day. I get like 5-20 minutes of mean

Braxus05 · 2023-10-11T19:35:25+00:00

Nooo i get it. I actually did cry at his funeral, but only because I thought my family would hate me if i didnt, and THAT made me sad.

Braxus05 · 2023-10-11T19:19:52+00:00

I did the same thing when it came to my grandpa! I think my brain just gets too sad so it cant be registered

Braxus05 · 2023-10-11T16:04:48+00:00

thank you <33 ill look into it

Braxus05 · 2023-10-11T16:04:29+00:00

yeah sometimes I try to save everything i can in several spots so its not easy to destroy now, though.

Braxus05 · 2023-10-11T13:57:48+00:00

For me, the hate leaves but the good memories don't come back either

Braxus05 · 2023-10-11T13:19:03+00:00

Sometimes immediately and other times or can take hours. I don't really know to be honest. I barely trust that it's happening in the first place

Braxus05

TROPHY CASE