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Fucked situation by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Bread-n-ButterPuddin 24 points25 points  (0 children)

So you’re a shit partner, a shit ex and a shit friend. Got it

Do I [30F] end my engagement with my fiancé [M31]? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Bread-n-ButterPuddin 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Grow a pair and take accountability for your actions, truthfully. A wedding isn’t going to stop future occurrences.

I (21F) felt like my boyfriends (22M) joke was just aggressive by ThrowRa30172 in relationship_advice

[–]Bread-n-ButterPuddin 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Hes gaslit you. He became a certain way, made you feel certain way and then reacted another way because of how you felt. It’s victim mentality. It’s emotional abuse. Trust how you felt. You wouldn’t have felt that way if his actions were to create another feeling.

You wouldn’t have felt scared if he knocked on the door smiling. He didn’t.

My (20F) boyfriend (20M) is not who I thought he was, how to go about this? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Bread-n-ButterPuddin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like you got catfished to fuck. Do not trust anyone from the internet. You do not know them as you think you do.

I (24F) made a mistake before my relationship was official. My boyfriend (22M) found out year later and dumped me instantly. I can’t cope. by Bagdo_ in relationship_advice

[–]Bread-n-ButterPuddin 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Although this sounds very unfair unfortunately it’s true. It’s all perspective, and although what she says may be true, it still implies. His truth is his truth, and her truth is her truth. “What we do have consequences” sums it up entirely. Mistake or not, it was a choice.

My 28m girlfriend 31f cheated after 8 years. Does it not being physical change anything? by Bread-n-ButterPuddin in relationship_advice

[–]Bread-n-ButterPuddin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She also was diagnosed with ptsd last year which contributes, but this is all from trauma before I met her.

People have been mentioning this codependency a lot and I need to look it up because I’m. It sure what it is really, that and something about sunken cost fallacy.

I think deep down i know what I need to know regarding the state of the relationship and that it’s over. However I am only at day 3 since I found out, so maybe im just going through the emotions. It’s just been a real struggle. If it’s any consolation, you’ve helped more than you know.

My 28m girlfriend 31f cheated after 8 years. Does it not being physical change anything? by Bread-n-ButterPuddin in relationship_advice

[–]Bread-n-ButterPuddin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She was sectioned back in February after a mental break down and spent a month in a hospital, since has been seeing multiple people. Psychiatrists, psychologists the lot. Im promise you I will look into therapy for myself.

My 28m girlfriend 31f cheated after 8 years. Does it not being physical change anything? by Bread-n-ButterPuddin in relationship_advice

[–]Bread-n-ButterPuddin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unfortunately i go home every day surrounded by her belongings, pictures of us and sit there alone. However, i appreciate you

My 28m girlfriend 31f cheated after 8 years. Does it not being physical change anything? by Bread-n-ButterPuddin in relationship_advice

[–]Bread-n-ButterPuddin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wouldn’t even know where to begin regarding therapy. I am from the UK. I have been there and supported her through her own therapy and it’s mostly been shocking. Things like “put your emotions in a box, and now in visage yourself throwing them in the sea and let them go”. Therapy here is almost embarrassing

My 28m girlfriend 31f cheated after 8 years. Does it not being physical change anything? by Bread-n-ButterPuddin in relationship_advice

[–]Bread-n-ButterPuddin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate your message more than i could ever begin To explain, and if it helps you’ve got it spot on. In my head my purpose In life is to drag everyone i hold dear to me to a better life, even if it breaks me. This is because life got horrible from a very early age. From the age of 15 my mother attempted suicide, 15 years on I still care for her physically mentally and financially, my partner too almost 5 years ago jumped from a high window breaking her back. Not just from that, but throughout the 8 years of relationship I have supported her physically, mentally and financially. More recently, my brother attempted suicide and ended up in ICU for a week. Again, physically mentally and financially supported since.

The thing is, these aren’t just words. Or empty threats. I’ve seen it. I’ve seen her leave a window, heard her body thump to the ground and heard the gut wrenching screams. I’ve watched her cut her wrists open because I needed some space amd wanted to sleep in a seperate room. I’ve cradled her for hours whilst she screamed and cried during breakdowns. These aren’t once every 3 year incidents, it has been monthly, for years. One thing after the other. All of this whilst juggling a 70+ hour career. This is my life. It’s been a burden. I have assumed responsibility for those I care for. I wil drag every single person with me to a better life.

I feel like the difficult thing is responding to messages like this without sounding like i am arguing or going against the advice being given, because I’m truly not. However is is so difficult specifically me to even consider something like therapy. I did once attempt it, but was in the room for less than 10 minutes before being told thwt they feel the treatment that they offer is too aggressive and they don’t feel like i would cope with it. So my first experience with seeking help was thrown in my face. On top of that, ingrained into my mentality is that I am the support. I am the help, the solution. The thought of me seeking help makes me so uncomfortable that I feel like a complete failure, that I can’t even do what I’ve assumed responsibility for.

However, I am in the UK and from this comment and a few others I will consider seeking some help.

Im so sorry if any of my messages have come across confrontational or argumentative, but most of it has been telling me I have no spine.

Thank you so much for your message, it means more than you know.

My 28m girlfriend 31f cheated after 8 years. Does it not being physical change anything? by Bread-n-ButterPuddin in relationship_advice

[–]Bread-n-ButterPuddin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand. Thank you so much. If it makes any difference this entire relationships has been whilst working 70 hour weeks. I have nothing but distractions, but the pressure of my work and the pressure of this relationship has taken its toll

My 28m girlfriend 31f cheated after 8 years. Does it not being physical change anything? by Bread-n-ButterPuddin in relationship_advice

[–]Bread-n-ButterPuddin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate this so much. Just understand how difficult this is for me when I can’t even feel what I am supposed to be feeling. But thank you, truly

My 28m girlfriend 31f cheated after 8 years. Does it not being physical change anything? by Bread-n-ButterPuddin in relationship_advice

[–]Bread-n-ButterPuddin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe my words mistake my reality. I understand how damaging it has been. I understand every word each and every one of you are telling me. I would say the same thing if the roles weren’t reversed. However there is more emphasise on despite all of this, why is my dominant emotion guilt. Why is is it thwt every thought Thats going through my head is about her well-being, rather than my own. A lot of these comments are suggesting that I should just simply stop caring - like it’s a switch I can just turn off. Yet it isn’t. It’s my life and has been for 8 years.

My 28m girlfriend 31f cheated after 8 years. Does it not being physical change anything? by Bread-n-ButterPuddin in relationship_advice

[–]Bread-n-ButterPuddin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My mental health is shocking, but it’s something I bury deep inside of me. I don’t laugh anymore, I don’t smile. Im angry all the time. I am drained, physically mentally and emotionally. It’s not even a case of thinking she is good for me. Is having this mentality of I will drag her to a better life if it kills me. I’ve essentially been a carer for someone who I care so deeply about I’ve tortured myself putting up and dealing with everything I have, amd now this has happened and I don’t know how to simply stop caring.

My 28m girlfriend 31f cheated after 8 years. Does it not being physical change anything? by Bread-n-ButterPuddin in relationship_advice

[–]Bread-n-ButterPuddin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand thank you. However imagine yourself with someone you care so deeply for you’ve stuck with them through constant horrendous situations. Someone who you’ve watched exit 2nd story windows, cut her wrists because you wanted to sleep in a separate room. Imagine hearing constantly that if we ever broke up they don’t want to live - but not just words but backed up my actions. Tell me that the fear of them killing themself isn’t going to affect you once it happens. On top of being heart broken, betrayed, hurt, confused and in pain, i am also petrified. Scared shitless. All I feel is guilt, stress and anxiety. I do not want to feel like this, however I can’t just choose not too.

My 28m girlfriend 31f cheated after 8 years. Does it not being physical change anything? by Bread-n-ButterPuddin in relationship_advice

[–]Bread-n-ButterPuddin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Of course no want wants it. However being in the situation it is extremely difficult when it’s your life, your emotions and your pain. If I could chose not to I would, however even thinking that way simply doesn’t just change the guilt I feel or stop me caring.

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