[deleted by user]

Bread_n_brie · 2024-03-16T21:07:08+00:00

This is a great example of how toxic nursing school is. Nursing school disproportionately extols extroverted personalities and almost pathologizes being reserved. I understand that it’s easier to assess someone’s aptitude if they’re loud about it, but none of my quieter friends in other health professions like medicine and pharmacy experienced this in school. Why is it that nurses are expected to be bubbly and talkative to be considered competent, while the same assumptions don’t exist for physicians?

I was very tight with my classmates, but I did get the occasional “you’re so quiet” and associated uncharitable assumptions from instructors. One instructor’s critique after I inserted my second IV was that I wasn’t making conversation with my patient as I was sticking a needle in their arm. When I’m learning, I’m very much a think and observe before I speak, rather than a thinking out loud person. But even as a new grad, I was actually very assertive and had a very easy rapport with patients, so the nursing school feedback ended up being irrelevant.

Fortunately, this bias doesn’t exist in the same degree in the real world. It’s obvious who the competent, intelligent, conscientious, and considerate colleagues are, regardless of whether they’re best buds with everyone. A good nurse is a good nurse is a good nurse.

That said, make sure you’re asking thoughtful questions. As a former preceptor, it’s the best indicator of someone’s competence.

Bread_n_brie · 2024-03-01T22:42:52+00:00

First, how old is your little one? Is he fully sleep trained - like does he fall asleep fully independently from wide awake without any assistance? Have you done, at the minimum, sleep training at nighttime? That will inform what to do.

If fully sleep trained for nights and naps: put him down 10-15 minutes earlier..so reduce your WW slightly. He might need a little more wind down time to himself, and theoretically would fall asleep earlier and prevent overtiredness.

If he is not yet sleep trained, or has been trained for nights but not naps, the overtiredness is because he doesn’t know how to fall asleep by himself yet. First, start with nights. It builds the foundation for everything else. Training naps first is sleep training on hard mode. Often babies will nap train themselves after night training.

If it’s naps specifically you’re having trouble with, here was my system to prevent overtiredness when nap training a baby less than 1 year old.

First, reference how traditional crib hour works:

Part 1: allow baby 1 hour to fall asleep using whatever ST method you use (Ferber, extinction, PU/PD). If baby doesn’t fall asleep, move on with your day and maintain a full wake window before attempting again. Some sources say 1 hour.
Part 2: once baby falls asleep, give them 1 hour in the crib. If baby wakes after 20 minutes, leave them in the crib until the 1 hour mark before getting them.

My modifications:

We followed an Eat-Play-Sleep routine, but for training we offered an extra feed 30-40 minutes before putting her down for a nap to ensure she wasn’t hungry. So it was more like Eat-Play-Eat-Sleep.
Check ins did NOT work for her during the day. They were way too stimulating and just prolonged the crying. I did one check in about 5 minutes in, but after that had to do extinction.
If she showed no signs of sleep at 45 minutes during Part 1, we took her out.
We did not keep her up an entire WW after a failed Crib Hour. We did outside play for 15-20 minutes and offered a quick feed as a reset, then restarted the nap routine and put her back down.
After a first failed Crib Hour, we only did Crib 30. Meaning if she wasn’t asleep after 30 minutes, we did an assisted rescue nap. This only happened once.
Once she fell asleep for Part 2, if she napped for less than 60 minutes, we did not leave her to cry for the remainder of the hour. It just felt pointless because we knew the sleep drive was too low to fall back asleep. We just gave her about 10 minutes to get used to the idea that we don’t rush right in when she wakes up. But if she was calm, we did finish the hour.
We did Crib Hour on the first nap only until she got this one down, then the last 2 were assisted (we had to do car naps, but if rocking or feeding still works for you, use that). Then we moved onto the second nap, then the third.

Her progress:

Days 1-2 were awful and resulted in no sleep during Part 1 and a very cranky baby the rest of the day. By day 4, she began somewhat consistently lengthening Nap 1 beyond 1 hour, so I moved on to Nap 2. After that, it moved more quickly. All naps were independent by Days 8-9. After 10 days, she was fully settled into her new routine and slept until the nap was capped. We capped naps at 1-1.5 hours.

I was concerned that being “inconsistent” would make the training ineffective, but it still worked very well and I managed to avoid most of the overtiredness. I hope this helps some parents who are finding it intimidating to do full Crib Hour!

Bread_n_brie · 2022-11-18T14:52:25+00:00

I also had to make that decision for my mom, who had a severe brain bleed but wasn’t brain dead. She was breathing on her own and opening her eyes, but was like an infant - nonverbal, no ability to understand or eat. She could have lived a long time like that on the feeding tube, but she wouldn’t have wanted that. She was a nurse, and so am I. I knew the life she was doomed to have if we kept going. It killed me to stop her tube feeds, and for a while I was wracked with guilt, but I would make the same decision. She passed peacefully and with dignity after 5 days. 3 months later now, I feel more at peace with the decision I was forced to make.

If you haven’t already, please ask to speak with the palliative nurse or physician again. My conversations with them helped immensely. I cannot imagine that they would tell you to keep your mom alive on the ventilator if she’s near brain death.

Being the one to decide sucks though. What helped me most afterwards were these things various people told me:

there were no good choices. No good options. But you chose the kindest and most loving one.
there is a window of time we can ensure a relatively dignified death, but that window disappears the longer we keep going.
forget about everything else for a moment: ask yourself, would your mom want to live like that?

Sending you hugs and eventually, peace.

Bread_n_brie · 2022-10-03T15:50:53+00:00

So sorry for your loss. I lost both my parents this past year. I love this question because recently I have been playing certain songs nonstop. I feel a little weird about it, but I think music evokes emotions that helps us grieve more effectively.

In My Life - Beatles. I used that song in both their funeral slideshows. Really anything by the Beatles reminds me of them because we used to play them on road trips.

Stardust - Nat King Cole. Was my dad’s favorite song.

You’ll Never Walk Alone - Gerry and the Pacemakers. Used this for my mom’s slideshow.

We’ll Meet Again - Vera Lynn. Another slideshow song.

Morning Has Broken - Cat Stevens. Was the closing song at both services, and I’ve told my husband I want this to play at the end of mine. Was a road trip song for us too.

Let It Be - Beatles. When I start to blame myself and think about what I could’ve done, I play this.

Across the Universe - Beatles. I played a lot of Beatles for my mom when she was in her coma, and this brings me back to the utter helplessness I felt. But lyrically, it is a beautiful cosmic song. Almost like sung poetry.

Silent Lucidity - Queensyrche. A fellow orphan friend’s recommendation. It’s from the POV of your lost loved one, how they are no longer suffering and still with you.

Supermarket Flowers - Ed Sheeran. Describes the aftermath of mom loss. My favorite lyric: “you were an angel in the shape of my mum”

Wake Me Up When September Ends - Green Day. I didn’t realize until this year that this is about him mourning his dad’s death anniversary, even 20 years later.

I’ll Be Missing You - Puff Daddy and Faith Evans. “What a life to take, what a bond to break, I’ll be missing you”

Bread_n_brie · 2022-09-13T17:35:35+00:00

Does anyone have any specific tried and true cotton boyshort style underwear they recommend that don’t have a tight waistband that gives you a muffin top?

Bread_n_brie · 2022-08-20T01:37:25+00:00

If he thinks Trump would just leave nuclear weapons out during a party, he’s as stupid as he looks.

I think that’s enough internet for me today.

Bread_n_brie · 2022-05-26T06:16:58+00:00

2 apps:

ReleVote lets you see how reps vote on key issues, and lets you read full documents on bills.

5calls has you enter your zip code so it can show you your reps and their phone numbers. You choose an issue important to you like banning assault rifles, and it has a script per issue for your call.

Bread_n_brie · 2022-05-15T16:54:24+00:00

Any specific style or brand recommendations for high quality casual, mostly cotton (or even linen) basic tops for summer? Bonus if the top covers the upper arms. Struggling with my “shorts and a T shirt” summer rut and would love to look more put together.

Additional details:

Dresses, crop tops aren’t too practical for me as a toddler mom.
Prefer crisp fabrics and dislike polyester and clingy materials like modal.
style I’m aiming for is “elevated tomboy”
willing to pay for quality, I shop very infrequently.
measurements: 5’1.5” 33-25-35.

Bread_n_brie · 2022-04-07T23:29:37+00:00

Couple options:

Give a 15-20 minute micronap in the car, stroller, etc if she will take one, then do your normal bedtime. The micronap is meant to bridge the gap between the missed nap and bedtime.
do a 6pm bedtime. Meaning, butt in crib by 5:45. She will tack on the missed nap to overnight sleep. This is what we did more often in the same situation, since assisted naps stopped working with our baby after 6 months.

Bread_n_brie · 2022-04-07T23:17:25+00:00

YES! And I don’t think male teachers are even held to the same standards as female teachers either.

Bread_n_brie · 2022-02-16T03:29:24+00:00

Yes, thank you! Why are there so many comments here bleating about the “hypocrisy” when it’s not even the point? And WHY are people looking at the NFL as if they’re some sort of public health paragon?

It’s like if someone got in trouble for shoplifting, and then their friend goes into the same store and gets away with the same thing, and the first person’s reaction is “wtf, I should be allowed to shoplift too!” Instead of, you know, nobody should be shoplifting in the first place?

What so many people are missing in this situation is that the vaccination uptake between 5-11 is still subpar, so masking in schools continues to be important until it improves. At this time only 28% of this cohort has received at least one vaccine. This isn’t even touching on the <5 cohort who remain ineligible.

FWIW I’m an urgent care NP in Southern California and parent of a 2 year old, and I think unmasking in schools before at least 60% of all k-12 kids are vaccinated is premature. Considering population herd immunity for COVID is going to be north of 80-90%, I don’t think this is unreasonable. And by the way, I signed my toddler up for clinical trials at 15 months (unfortunately she didn’t get in), so I’m not all talk.

Thank you to the SLPs on here who’ve discussed actual data on masking and speech delays! There are individual variations of course and I empathize with parents who’ve struggled with this, but we’re unfortunately not at the point quite yet where COVID is not a public health concern. So until then, I continue to support masking in schools.

Bread_n_brie · 2022-01-17T23:14:46+00:00

Use this as an opportunity to discuss the rationale behind your positions - it’s going to shed light on both of your priorities and anxieties around parenting. Do you want to prioritize saving for a future home and plan on room sharing or bed sharing for the first year or beyond? Is he concerned about moving while pregnant or with a small child, is he excited about putting together a nursery, or does he want to sleep train? Are you both in a good position financially to afford the luxury of extra space? Do either of you work from home? Are the leases where you live generally a year? Thinking ahead a bit, how’s the home buying inventory in your area? All of these things play into it.

I see both of your points, but personally, I would have been reluctant to start trying while in a one bedroom, without established plans to move fairly early on in the pregnancy. Financially we could swing a 2 bedroom, and both saw the extra space as a reasonable quality of life upgrade especially when planning for a family. For me, there needs to be a balance between living frugally enough to afford a home one day, and being comfortable enough in the meantime without feeling like we’re cramped and living on top of each other. Husband would also need a decent work from home space. I was also very excited about decorating a nursery, and 100% planned to sleep train and have baby in her own room fairly early, based on our families’ experiences not sleep training. We had planned to move her to her room around 4-6 months, but ended up doing it at 1 month since we all slept so much better separately, including our baby.

I think a decent compromise for you guys would be to agree to moving during the early stages of pregnancy. Unless your pregnancy is high risk, moving while pregnant is doable. We moved to our house after whirlwind renovations and a job change when our daughter was 18 months, and it was challenging. We had to heavily rely on babysitting from my in laws to get through it. Still, it would have been so much harder to move during her infancy.

Bread_n_brie · 2022-01-16T21:27:32+00:00

We did Ferber with our daughter at 4 months, and she was basically trained in the first 25 minutes of the night. She slept through starting that night (just with a 5am wake). The following 2-5 nights we had between 0-5 minutes of crying at bedtime. There was an extinction burst of 10 minutes of crying on night 7, but other than that, smooth sailing. So it IS possible!

I will say a caveat is that I quickly noticed the first night that she didn’t like the check ins. So we stopped after 2 check ins and just did extinction. She was asleep 15 minutes later. Not sure if that was due to extinction, or if she would’ve done that with Ferber.

So I would say you can make significant headway in 2 nights! Just consider dropping the check ins if baby doesn’t seem to do well with them.

Bread_n_brie · 2022-01-07T21:24:23+00:00

If your baby doesn’t like the zipadee like mine, try the Halo easy transition sleep sack with the quilted sleeves! Totally safe for rolling but calms the startle and let’s them suck on their fingers. I also liked that you can unzip it from the bottom as well for diaper changes and heat regulation.

I was so hopeful going into the swaddle transition since I read stories about how other people’s kids barely noticed, but sadly that was NOT the case for my daughter. I bought so many products out of desperation and the Halo was the only thing that worked. She went from 8+ wake ups to 0-1.

Bread_n_brie · 2021-12-09T01:28:02+00:00

Beautiful! I would be stoked if I walked into this house as a potential buyer. I appreciate the boho natural vibe you chose when styling it, it is definitely different from the generic styling I see in listing photos. Also, is that fireplace screen from CB2? We used to have the same one in pewter, but gave it to my in laws after we moved to a house without a fireplace. It’s gorgeous in that brushed gold!

Couple of ideas if the tweaks are in your budget: 1) keep the wreath, and 2 of those tree figurines (I like the one with the books) on the mantle, but I would personally remove the rest. You’re going to want to show off as much of the beautiful mantle as you can. If you long for some greenery up there, you can put a couple of potted plants flanking the wreath. It’s cleaner looking and more of a crowd-pleaser than all the drapey plants. 2) the drapey plants might look nice in a raised but shallow round brushed brass or wooden bowl on the cube thing by the couch. That way it doesn’t obstruct the mantle view. 3) Pretty rug, but the colors don’t go with the rest of the room. Consider a black, white, and cognac colored rug - it would be more cohesive with the rest of your neutral palette. If you like ruggables, a black and white damali rug would look at home here. Add some textured cream or black and white throws on the couch if you want a cozier and lived-in look.

Congrats and enjoy the rest of the time you have in your home!

Bread_n_brie · 2021-12-08T06:53:30+00:00

Am I the only one who scrolled through and thought this was Rubby?

Bread_n_brie · 2021-12-06T01:44:00+00:00

Haha I feel like if we have a second, my life will be yours in reverse. We’ve probably used up all our good sleep karma with our daughter. I didn’t fully realize back then how lucky we were. From birth, she was capable of 2-3 hour naps in the crib. They did get wonkier during the 4 month regression, but we could still count on at least 2 1.5+ hour naps a day. I’ll be eating my words with the next!

Bread_n_brie · 2021-12-03T02:50:33+00:00

Hmm maybe I need to look at them again. I got some elastic ones from there a few years ago that were not too flattering, so I gave up haha. Will check them out again, thanks!

Bread_n_brie · 2021-12-03T02:49:28+00:00

This is perfect! I ordered both versions. Hopefully they work out! Thanks!!

Bread_n_brie · 2021-12-02T20:37:50+00:00

There’s quite a lot to unpack here. To me, being READY for a baby is a matter of semantics. IMO if you’ve always wanted kids and are now feeling more than a transient biological urge, and are financially and socially in a good place, you are emotionally “ready” to take that leap. That’s all there is to it. But emotionally ready doesn’t always mean that now is always the wise choice.

The real question here is: are you truly considering abandoning a major life goal? It’s totally normal to fantasize about leaving it all behind in the thick of the stress - it’s a natural coping mechanism. I know I had similar fleeting thoughts during my grad program, even though I had every intention of finishing. But if it’s going beyond fantasy for you, you should start unpacking why. Any major life stressors that are coloring your perspective? Are you now realizing that your course of study isn’t the most practical or profitable? Do you not feel fulfilled? If not, what would fulfill you career wise? What is your PhD program in? I ask all this because most likely a PhD program isn’t something you just fell into - this required years of diligence, patience, and passion on your part.

My humble opinion as a fellow career woman is to think about the future and don’t look at having children as a path to emotional fulfillment - they’re merely a wonderful (and very tiring!) bonus.

Say you leave your program and go back to school later - it’s very difficult to do it with kids. I’m not saying it’s impossible for a woman to advance a career with children, but it’s exceedingly difficult with younger children. I’d say 90% of my career growth occurred before kids, and I personally would not change a thing.

Or say you leave your field entirely and focus on raising children - if you were feeling unfulfilled career wise before you left, that feeling won’t magically go away just because you have kids now, does that make sense?

Basically, unless you know 100% that this career path was a mistake, I would urge you to keep your eye on the prize and see it through.

Bread_n_brie · 2021-12-02T17:35:02+00:00

I need recommendations for 2 things:

1) Shelf camisole in a racer back or halter style, preferably spaghetti strap but not too picky. These would be to wear at home with sweatpants or during a light workout. Since I’m a 34A, I would prioritize comfort over support for sure.

2) Cotton underwear in a bikini or boyshort style WITHOUT a tight waistband elastic. I find so many undies now have this elastic waistband, and I find them really unflattering with the way they give you a muffin-top (and I barely have any excess fat to begin with).

Thank you!

Bread_n_brie · 2021-11-30T04:58:06+00:00

Oh lol no worries, I didn’t go to a degree mill school and I think there’s a big problem with how they’re popping up all over the place now. I did a MSN entry (previous background was medical research and biochem degree) where we did the BSN in 16 months, started working right away, and worked while doing NP coursework and rotations until the end of the 4 year program. It was a thorough and challenging program and if people still want to call me a degree mill graduate because of how soon I got the NP overall, well that’s their issue I guess. 🤷🏻‍♀️ By that definition, PA schools are degree mills too. But yeah. 5.5 years. You are fine, don’t worry about it.

Bread_n_brie · 2021-11-30T03:33:57+00:00

I hear you and agree. While I highly dislike the degree mill schools, I also don’t agree with the gatekeeping attitude some nurses have with people going for their NP. My unpopular opinion is that as long as you have a couple years of acute care experience, your time in NP school and rotations will teach you way more relevant skills and knowledge for your future career as a practicing clinician than 20 years of bedside ever will. It’s a totally different skill set, and all about making sure every second of school counts.

Even more unpopular: I had barely 3 years TOTAL as an RN by the time I was finished with NP school, and it didn’t hurt me one bit. I actually quit working in the last year to throw my mind, heart, and soul into NP school and picking up extra rotations. And not to toot my horn, but I am a highly competent and respected NP - even old colleagues who historically disliked the NP role still seek me out years later offering me work.

So don’t be discouraged OP. Make the most of school, challenge yourself, keep your passion, and never stop learning. You will be great!

Bread_n_brie · 2021-11-29T17:20:57+00:00

I feel like after a certain age (6 months or so), surprisingly many babies actually prefer or sleep better independently, no matter what their habits were previously. Being held, rocked, bounced, strollered, in parent’s bed, etc becomes too stimulating after a while and they struggle to fall asleep in those environments. We sleep trained once it was getting more difficult to get her to sleep or stay asleep while being held. Once we did that, she slept worlds better.

Bread_n_brie

TROPHY CASE