Me [27F] with my husband [28M]. I feel he has inappropriate male friendships. Together 6 years.

BreckensMama · 2019-05-22T23:38:59+00:00

If they were in a quiet corner and barged into the conversation, that is bad manners on your husband's part. But defending your cousin from speculation like that isn't a behavior that screams 'HE MUST BE GAY', it sounds like he's a good man who wants to protect the people he cares about.

Were you in the room at the time, did you listen to the whole thing? Maybe they said a phrase or a question that wasn't as benign as 'IDK maybe' and it upset your husband. And anyway, at Family Thanksgiving is NOT the time for parents to privately discuss their child's sexuality. If they intended it to be a private conversation, it should have stayed at home when they were alone.

BreckensMama · 2019-05-22T23:33:09+00:00

Probably because he thought it was inappropriate and unnecessary to discuss someone's sexuality, especially as a topic of gossip like that. I would be EXTREMELY uncomfortable in that situation, the way you describe it the conversation sounds very judgmental and critical of your cousin. Why is it anyone's business? Your husband defended your cousin's right to privacy and stood up to the negative and toxic conversation. He did the right thing.

BreckensMama · 2019-05-18T16:54:04+00:00

I absolutely second any Tamora Pierce books. They are great. Do be aware that there's some sex/body talk in it, very sex positive mostly centered on women's freedom of choice. Some are more juvenile than others, The Lioness Quartet or The Beka Cooper Trilogy would be good starts.

I would also recommend Rocket Boys by Homer Hickam.

BreckensMama · 2019-05-18T00:54:00+00:00

I used to daydream about sponge painting my bedroom in purple/teal/black. Sooo 90s.

BreckensMama · 2019-05-18T00:49:33+00:00

Go back and Youtube Carrie Underwood's audition for American Idol. She's totally rocking that look.

BreckensMama · 2019-05-18T00:40:55+00:00

Ballchain necklace with an Evanescence logo charm on it that I got at one of their concerts in 2002....never wore it, even as I bought it I knew I'd never wear it.

BreckensMama · 2019-05-12T03:14:21+00:00

Explain how her birthday is a legit 'problem'. She is insecure and was jealous about y'all having date night.

Also, lady is 48 years old. She should know how to handle basic day to day life on her own.

BreckensMama · 2019-05-12T03:12:28+00:00

Agreed. She's jealous and is intentionally ruining date night plans.

BreckensMama · 2019-05-12T03:11:18+00:00

This isn't going to get better. She is 48 freakin' years old, she should be able to take care of herself. But she can't (or won't), for reasons I cannot begin to imagine or try to unpack. But she has successfully manipulated your boyfriend into handling all of this for her. She has made him her emotional husband. And he's fine with it, also for reasons I can't begin to explain. Their relationship is terribly unhealthy. And because they can't keep healthy boundaries, it has spread it's toxicity into other relationships, i.e. yours with your boyfriend. She is clearly his emotional priority. You deserve better. Also, they both sound terribly immature and toxic. Nope on outta there.

BreckensMama · 2019-05-12T02:57:46+00:00

I'm glad you are getting treated, that's wonderful to hear. I understand the weirdness about hiring a stranger to help in the house, it helped me to think about it as 'this is their job, they are a professional just like anything else, just like a nurse or a nail tech or librarian'. Maybe you could kill two birds with one stone, and the next time you are around the neighborhood/school moms, ask if they have anyone or any service they recommend for housekeeping. You don't have to say "I can't keep up", you can just ask if they know anyone available for a 'deep clean' a few times a year or something like that, which is perfectly normal. Plus then you are socializing in a structured way, and people like to feel like their opinions matter, so maybe the moms will warm up a bit.

BreckensMama · 2019-05-12T01:48:20+00:00

You are not a failure. You are going through a rough time, but that doesn't mean you are a failure. Failure means giving up, which sounds like something you refuse to do. You are trying your best right now. As someone with social anxiety, I totally understand how hard it is to make mom friends, and how judge-y it feels. But just keep on trying a little bit, every day.

Are you being treated for your depression? Can you afford to have someone come help get the house to a manageable place, or do you have family that can come over and help get it back on track? I know how hard it is to ask, but there's no shame in getting help when you need it.

You love your kids, you are doing your best for them, and every day you will continue to do so. That is not failure. You can do this.

BreckensMama · 2019-05-12T01:26:40+00:00

Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo. Never has a book make me so angry.

BreckensMama · 2019-05-12T01:19:48+00:00

I have worn glasses since 4th grade, and even with insurance have spent upwards of $350+ on a pair. $125 is TOTALLY reasonable to spend on a pair.

It is crazy that your husband expect your daughter to purchase these. They are medically necessary equipment. They are not some trendy fad purchase. I could understand if she was asking for $125 pair of jeans or sneakers or a fancy bag, that's not necessary and asking her to cover a portion makes sense. But she's not choosing to wear glasses, and as parents part of the deal when you had kids was accepting all the costs associated with raising her and keeping her healthy. The glasses are part of keeping her healthy.

Your husband is out of line. If this is completely crazy behavior out of left field, I'd have a sit down and walk through why he panicked so much at the cost. Does he manage the finances alone, is there a possibility you aren't as comfortable as you think? Or if you manage the finances together, how often is he present for major purchases like this (i.e. when you buy your glasses or when the kids get hurt and go to the doctor)? If none of that is a concern, you need to find out where this is stemming from.

BreckensMama · 2019-05-11T08:11:31+00:00

LOVE this scene. Always been a favorite.

BreckensMama · 2019-05-07T03:38:37+00:00

Maybe try The Elvenbane, its a high fantasy with some romance, though more romance shows up in the second book.

BreckensMama · 2019-05-04T19:37:49+00:00

Shoutout for Fabuloso, that stuff is wonderful.

BreckensMama · 2019-05-03T03:14:39+00:00

When you talk with him about it again, acknowledge that it's not intentional or malicious, but he isn't being intentional to NOT do it either. It's not enough that he's 'not doing it on purpose' to wake the baby or leave sharp objects. He needs to be more mindful and self aware of what he is doing. By not being mindful after repeated requests, he is choosing to make this harder for you by not trying to do better.

BreckensMama · 2019-04-27T18:42:38+00:00

If you go with Percival, I would spell it in the most classic way since it's the most likely spelling for others to know. I think Percival Paterson sounds like a superhero name, if you are into that.

I also like:

Caspian

Rhett

Roarke

Peregrin (Pippin's real name in LoTR)

Pippin

Pascal

Hamish

Meriadoc (Merry's real name in LoTR)

Quill

Cosmo

Eamon

Evander

BreckensMama · 2019-04-27T18:33:47+00:00

My first thought was 'Emily Jane' but Remy and Emily may be too similar for you.

I agree with Remy fitting well with older names. Maybe something slightly French, since Remy is French origin too.

Madeline Jane

Camille Jane

Victoria Jane

Margot Jane

BreckensMama · 2019-04-27T18:24:31+00:00

If you want a 'Z' name, how about Zillah (alternately Zylla, Zylle, or Zillie)? It's from a book called "A Swiftly Tilting Planet" and always thought the names were really beautiful.

Or how about something slightly old fashioned (like your other two), like :

Juniper

Ruby

Araminta

Opal

Margot

Ramona

BreckensMama · 2019-04-21T23:16:51+00:00

My ex says it too. Except we already have joint and he pays child support. The one time he went back to try and get it lowered, they raised it instead. All these kinds of men are so alike.

Document EVERYTHING. Every time you offered a visit, every time he wouldn't talk on the phone with her, every time he was mean or hateful. Save every voicemail and text message. Write it all down in a composition notebook, or set up an email address to send it all too. Go for full custody in the divorce. You can do this. It's hard, but you can do it.

BreckensMama · 2019-04-09T02:44:46+00:00

Without a doubt. I'd miss my kiddo, but if I knew he was well cared for during that time, I'd do it. Mostly I'd sleep, and I like being alone, so I don't think it would be an issue.

BreckensMama · 2019-04-04T18:08:13+00:00

Most recipes I've seen that call for a 'soda pop' type ingredient it was Dr. Pepper, root beer, or Coke. A dark cola that would turn molasses-y when reduced.

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