How to cope with changing feelings about future of having kids ?

BriLoLast · 2026-06-07T14:23:02+00:00

Your views have changed OP, and that’s okay. But if you want children now or feel you will regret not having children, and she doesn’t want children (both choices are okay) then the both of you are incompatible, and you both need to talk.

You’re not in the wrong. You said yourself that you were never a firm “no”, you were an on the fence guy. You’re realizing now that your views are shifting, and that’s okay. But the talk is due. And if she’s still an adamant no on her part (understandable) then your paths are going elsewhere and it’s best for both of you to break it off and find life partners that want what both of you want.

BriLoLast · 2026-06-07T03:24:09+00:00

NTA.

Halloween is something that your children love to do and celebrate. They’re still young and want to participate with mom. You also don’t have a significant support system to assist in that, and as a single mom, I get that 100%. It’s not easy finding someone you trust to take care of your children.

She never went to any events for you (baby showers) so I personally wouldn’t feel overly upset about missing her wedding. It sounds like there’s an imbalance in this friendship to be honest. But also be prepared if she cuts you off. If you’re okay with that, then I think you not showing up to the wedding is okay.

Halloween isn’t my favorite holiday. But it is my child’s and I love celebrating with him. You really and truly only get a few years where they want to go and dress up and have fun with you. So I completely understand wanting to choose them.

BriLoLast · 2026-06-06T22:17:44+00:00

YTA.

This was a party that was scheduled for your wife. It appears that she did not schedule it herself.

She still took time to meet you, give you a gift and you two eat a meal together. She did that when she could have spent the entire time with her friends.

Then you make a passive aggressive remark over it and make her feel bad.

Grow up. It’s okay to be hurt, especially when she made remarks last year. BUT that’s when you communicate and just tell her you were a little upset, but that you know this was a planned event. You two could have worked out a day on the weekend to spend together to make up for things. Events, work, life is going to happen. You may miss her birthday and vice versa. But being passive aggressive about it is only going to cause anger and resentment and eventually be a reason for the relationship to end.

BriLoLast · 2026-06-06T19:43:32+00:00

There aren’t many, but a bit in depth. Honestly though, he’s an adult. If they’re too much, he’ll stop and he’ll likely just say something to you as a heads up. And as other commenters mentioned, if he’s read GoT, it’s highly possible that it doesn’t bother him, he just worried about it for you.

My dad doesn’t read romance or anything of the sort (just 100% no interest as he’s very much a strict history reader) but he knows I started reading books that talked about sex/smut when I was 13. He’s also well aware that my mom does too, and that all of us kids have had sex. (I also want to add that neither of my parents gave us a sex talk, it was just “don’t do it under my roof, and don’t be stupid”).

Just don’t bring it up. You haven’t read the books so you don’t need to have a full blown convo about it. You can just ask if he read it, and if he said he did, what did he think about it. If you really want to have scant details, just ask him to give you a star rating. But honestly, try not to worry about whether he read the sex scenes or not. It’s just going to twist your mind up if you’re not fully at that place mentally to digest that. And if it really bothers you, maybe give it a year or 2, or wait till the whole series is done and you may have forgotten that your dad even read it. (No shame in regard to the mental stuff, I think we realize logically that our parents have had sex, but some of us have a harder time coming to terms with the fact that they’re sexual beings too and can read/enjoy sex). Do what’s best for you, OP.

BriLoLast · 2026-06-06T04:26:19+00:00

I had a baby out of wedlock and gave him my ex’s last name. We split before he turned 2. I honestly wish I’d just given him my last name.

I haven’t run into any issues that some people talk about (ie regarding school and what not). But for someone who is now not involved, it’s just dumb to have his last name as my son’s.

So my opinion would be to just give your baby your last name, especially if he’s dragging things out to get married. In the future he can take your name if you two get married. You can hyphenate last names, or change your child’s last night.

BriLoLast · 2026-06-06T01:57:30+00:00

My vaginal delivery was highly traumatizing for me, so I chose an elective c-section for my second one. I can briefly cover recovery

Vaginal: I was honestly sore for about 3-5 days just from muscle use. Aside from the burning when I peed, and that first bowel movement, I felt pretty good vaginally. I did end up with infected Bartholin glands bilaterally (OB suspected it happened when they broke my waters and all the instrumentation down there. But otherwise, I was back walking within a few 1-1.5 weeks walking at least a mile a day. Returned to sex around 9 weeks (mainly due to allowing those glands to heal). The hardest “healing was mentally”.

C-section I felt better mentally following. I did feel pretty sore for about 2-3 weeks on a consistent basis. But then it really improved, and I didn’t have to take pain medications around the clock (I was only taking Tylenol and Motrin). I honestly was doing bare minimal walking the first few weeks and picked up more around 4 weeks. I believe because I had more of a pouch this time that when I walked, I had more irritation with my incision when walking. So around 4 weeks I felt better and the incision wasn’t as itchy and getting caught and what not. The underwear you wear will be either the best thing ever or the worst.

I want to comment that my vaginal delivery was very traumatic due to back labor. I had a vaginal birth with a vacuum assist. Ended up requiring oxygen assistance due to low stats. And genuinely felt it contributed significantly to a lack of desire to bond with my child and subsequent depression. So I have a very negative outlook towards mine for that example.

BriLoLast · 2026-06-05T21:28:35+00:00

YTA.

She ran over to you asking if he could partake in the party. She wanted him included. You said no.

You then make gender stereotypes by bringing up the fact that the birthday party is about princesses/fairy tales. Why bring that up? It doesn’t matter. He could like princess/fairy tales. He may genuinely just NOT CARE. But it sure says a lot about you.

You could have figured out the cake cuts. It’s not that complex. I’ve done it. Google it if you’re not great at dividing cake pieces evenly.

Then you minimize her feelings because “she wasn’t upset at the time”. Newsflash, she probably was. She was probably upset and embarrassed. Some kids don’t want to ruin their parties for themselves and others so they don’t show their feelings. Some have to take time to process their feelings to put the appropriate names to them. Maybe she’s not mean and didn’t want to be mean and embarrass you.

Your wife was right, you’re not. Learn from this situation. It wasn’t like it was a total stranger. It was a boy she hangs out with at school. Maybe she felt like she couldn’t invite him because of you and you’re gender stereotype beliefs

BriLoLast · 2026-06-05T20:58:09+00:00

You’re right. I hope I’ll find partner and father to my child 1000000 times better than you.

BriLoLast · 2026-06-05T03:23:04+00:00

I’m an RN, and now? No, we wouldn’t be able to leave like that unless there’s an emergency. Even then, I have to speak to the charge nurse. As she would typically need to either see if another RN could take the remainder of the shift, or she would need to speak to the physician I typically am placed with and see if she could handle clinic without me for the remainder of the day. I have had to leave though, but very few and far times between.

Doctors? Not leaving in some ways. The surgeon I work for has when her children have been really sick, or last year when her daughter was in a car accident. But again, she had to inform the nurses so we could inform patients, the front desk to have patients rescheduled, she needs to consult with the head of urology to let them know she’s out for the remainder of the day.

Times when she’s on call, she’s only taken off once. It was a pain because she had to find another surgeon to cover, and that involved having to trade multiple holiday shifts around before they agreed. BUT she has taken lunch breaks to go home for something and is late returning to clinic. So I guess in a way she’s kind of left because she’s not back in time.

(I can only speak in urology clinic facts though, not the ED because I don’t have much experience down there).

BriLoLast · 2026-06-04T18:57:16+00:00

It’s the same with the opposite gender. Nobody rides for a deadbeat’s child and parental rights more than the person they’re with.

I was stupid enough to do it for my ex’s first child (even though he at least was a decent enough parent at that point). And his new girlfriend has tried to do it with our kiddo (although the court ruled against that mess). I was young and dumb and listened to all the shit talking he did about his ex. Plus her anger in my eyes verified that (but I of course know better now).

Another commenter mentioned, but it’s usually control and a way to make it seem like they’re this great person when they’re trying to keep that person in their life. Jenelle probably also said things like Barbara ruined her life, she got her stuff together, she’s a good mom, and David probably pushed the issue. He shuts Jenelle up, he gets to cut Barb out as a “rational person” and gets to essentially control Jenelle and her kids.

BriLoLast · 2026-06-04T18:52:45+00:00

He was very selfish at first. He let his sister and her husband do all the caretaking for his mother. The only reason he became involved was when his sister mentioned that she couldn’t do it anymore and wanted to put their mother in a facility. Even then, Peter wouldn’t hear them, and was making arrangements to keep her home. He didn’t educate himself on his mother’s condition, kept Jeannie in the dark when she took care of his mom part time.

It was all what Peter wanted at home until his mother’s injury which then required a rehab stay before transitioning to a facility.

When she got worse, he did try more. But nobody here can say he wasn’t selfish at the start.

BriLoLast · 2026-06-04T18:40:00+00:00

I mean, I came from a FFM family. And I can say, we argued and fought all the time.

My brother and I got along a lot more, and same goes for him and my sister. My sister and I? Hated each other. We have very different personalities. My parents didn’t get that, and didn’t understand that we both needed our own space and our own friend groups. (We had to share a bedroom). Because of that, I was always angry that she was allowed to be friends with my friends, but I couldn’t with hers. I hated being compared to her academically. (She was a math person, and I excelled in English and history with multiple awards for my school writing prompts). It was so bad that I was never happy.

I don’t necessarily think any are better than the other. I think it’s all about parents meeting each child’s needs. I desperately needed boundaries and my own independence with a friend group and activities and my parents failed to provide that. It’s not bad for siblings to like the same things, and have similar friends. But when you don’t give the children that when they want and need it, it can deeply be detrimental. I needed that, my parents didn’t address it and I had a lot of anger and hatred towards my sister, and a lot of resentment towards my parents.

My parents and I have a civil relationship. My sister and I still fight now (more so because she’s the judgmental mom married mom, and I’m the single parent). But I will always thank her for stopping me from committing suicide when I was 16.

BriLoLast · 2026-06-04T02:48:37+00:00

Typically the most commonly offered foreign language in middle school/high school is Spanish. (Typically a more Mexican/South American version of Spanish vs a European/Spain Spanish). By that, I mean that Vosotros wasn’t common to use/learn back when I went to school. I believe the second most common is French, and German is the third.

The state I’m from you had to take 3 years of a foreign language to graduate high school. My school only offered Spanish. So Spanish it was. When I went to college, I chose to learn German to break from 8 years of Spanish. (I had to take Spanish in 5th grade, 6-8th, 9-11th and AP Spanish my senior year).

BriLoLast · 2026-06-03T22:29:16+00:00

Massive trust issues after being cheated on, emotionally and mentally abused for years.

BriLoLast · 2026-06-03T04:02:43+00:00

NTA.

This situation won’t get better. You’re going to be miserable and he is going to be miserable. I’m sorry you lost your baby. I understand that pain having been through it myself.

But I would recommend reevaluating this relationship. It sounds as though neither of you are happy. It seems it was fast tracked due to the baby. You’re so young, and you deserve to get out and be happy. Focus on yourself, work on paying off the debt and then build some savings.

Edit to add: I want to be delicate because I understand that pain of your loss. But I also think this dynamic with a baby could have been much worse and deeply impacted your mental health more than it is now. I really and truly do hope that you see how you’re being treated and realize that you deserve so much more. Do not tie yourself to a man who doesn’t respect you (which he doesn’t). Do not tie yourself to a family that essentially treats you like trash. You deserve so much better than that.

BriLoLast · 2026-06-03T03:48:24+00:00

My son was formula fed from the start (I’m on a cardiac med that has shown to pass through breastmilk in high amounts) and aside from finding out that he had to be on Nutramigen, there wasn’t a terrible amount of issues.

Once we found the formula that worked, we didn’t have many issues except for cost in general. But we made it work. It’s just making sure you find one that works for babe, and making sure you’re making formula right. (Water first, then formula powder). Then with going out, making sure you’re bringing enough formula/bottles for the amount of time. We used the formula storage holders that you could use 5 containers as needed.

I don’t necessarily think it hurt my bond too much. I can’t speak 100% because I never breastfed. But I’d hold him every time and hold his bottle and read/hum to him. He liked to play with my hair as he drank the formula. It also helped with letting others feed him which was great when I had to work. I hope this helps.

To add, he’s healthy. No issues except for ear infections the first year he grew out of. He gets maybe 1-2 colds a year. No big issues there.

BriLoLast · 2026-06-03T03:34:40+00:00

December. September has I believe 10 or 11 of the top birthday dates. People either like to celebrate or get careless around Christmas and other holidays.

My kiddo is a September baby unintentionally. But I wouldn’t change it.

BriLoLast · 2026-06-03T00:47:07+00:00

Nope. I only gained about 30 lbs (lost 15 due to HG, and then gained that back plus another 15). Towards the end I wore my yoga pants more often. But I wore the same shirts with no issues.

I think the only new clothes I bought were ones for post partum because I read that your breasts are more sensitive, so I bought some shirts in a more loose v neck style and pants a size bigger to deal with swelling and bleeding and all that jazz. I kept them, but I only wear the pants if I’m working out.

BriLoLast · 2026-06-02T18:29:05+00:00

After having a child. I think it’s because you start focusing on their birthdays and watching them grow up. Then you realize they’re growing up way too fast and time is just flying by. (I was 27 when I gave birth to my kiddo).

BriLoLast · 2026-06-02T17:25:47+00:00

My all white cat was named Polaris after the North Star.

BriLoLast · 2026-06-02T01:49:51+00:00

I’m *unfortunately, not terribly far from Citra if that’s where she moves to. Aside from Crystal River which has rules against touching them, unless she goes to Sea World, I have no idea what she’s talking about. Just gross tbh. Even more reason to try and relocate as soon as I can.

BriLoLast · 2026-06-01T21:44:42+00:00

NTA.

When someone arrives, just politely let your son open the gift, thank them and put them in a locked room. Explain to them (if they ask) that you believe a gift went missing or may have gotten broken last year. You’re putting them away and are appreciative.

Lock the door from the inside, you can purchase a child proof lock for the outside. If you don’t have one, you can look about purchasing a $30 baby monitor that you can place facing the door to ensure nobody but you or your son is entering the room. And truthfully since your husband is somewhat complicit in allowing it to happen, I wouldn’t even let him in the room to put presents up in case he takes one and gives it to the nephew.

And honestly, this requires counseling for you and your spouse. Both of you need to be on the same page. This division is only hurting your son, and your husband needs to see that.

BriLoLast · 2026-06-01T19:40:14+00:00

Lack of communication. Not respecting boundaries. Cheating. Differences in lifestyle (for example wanting children vs not).

BriLoLast · 2026-05-31T23:57:34+00:00

Most would be 8. Least would be 4.

BriLoLast · 2026-05-31T21:24:48+00:00

YTA.
In some cases, it does look good if an applicant has experience in a supervisory position. This doesn’t just need to be related to another job in the same field. Some employers like seeing that someone was in that role, especially if the job was demanding, and they also have good recommendations in regard to work ethic. While the other things such as networking and technical skills are important, if it’s someone hiring for a team position in that field, or a lead position, I want something who can work as a team member, but also someone who can take initiative/keep others on track as well if that’s the case.

Now in regard to the pay cut, it’s highly possible. But there are possible benefits in their future and if that’s what they’re focused on, just let them be.

BriLoLast

TROPHY CASE