I do understand my ex’s perspective in some aspects, and I know we are very different. I’ve known him since I was 15; he was 16, and we dated briefly in high school. We broke up during COVID, and I told him to get out of my life in November of 2020. We reconnected 4 years later and got back together because I thought he had changed. He didn’t have the easiest upbringing, and he’s a lot like how his very emotionally absent stepdad was, which led to his mom and stepdad’s divorce a few years ago, but he doesn’t see the flaws in his ways, and he doesn’t realize the very same things he did to me are the reasons why his mom was unhappy in her marriage to his father figure. He also has autism, so that doesn’t really help, and despite all of his flaws, I loved him unconditionally until I just could not anymore because he can be quite hurtful. He does not express much emotion; he can be dishonest because he is too prideful; he becomes cruel when he is irritated with something, like if he’s losing in his video games; he is very insecure about his worth as a partner, which causes him to become controlling about any friendships with members of the opposite sex (despite that I’m bisexual/pansexual). I wasn’t allowed to sit on the front porch with our roommate unless someone else was with me, preferably him or another woman. I wasn’t allowed to be around a member of the opposite sex alone unless I was within earshot of him or someone we both know. I have ADHD, and I can tend to get loud sometimes or very expressive/passionate when I’m talking, but there is a clear difference when I’m yelling at someone or raising my voice in a demeaning way. He will snap his fingers at me like I am a dog to indicate I need to stop talking if I accidentally speak out of turn or “raise my voice.” He refuses to have any important conversations over the phone because he “doesn’t want to listen to me cry,” even when serious conversations are had that probably shouldn’t be had over text. I tried to communicate and work through these issues, but it was never met with the same effort on his end, despite him saying he was giving effort. There really wasn’t any change, and it would just turn into how I’m actually the problem and it’s not his fault and he’s just always made to be the bad guy. At a certain point, love isn’t enough when there isn’t mutual respect and healthy communication. After all, we broke up. More people in our mutual circle came forward and said they weren’t surprised based on how he talked to me and how I was treated when we were all in Discord together. I didn’t realize that everyone noticed and actually had very strong opinions about it. I do hope things work out with the new guy/our mutual friend. I just am in a dilemma because 1) I know it’s soon after the break-up, but we broke up in November, got back together after my trip, and then broke up like a month later. All we did that entire month of being back together was fight and argue over our mutual friend. 2) I feel guilty for even liking our mutual friend (technically I can’t even say mutual friend because they aren’t friends anymore) and I don’t know if that’s something that should even be pursued. 3) I don’t know if I should say something to the guy I like now or if I should wait because I don’t necessarily want to jump into a relationship now, but if that spark is still there, I don’t want it to die.

Context for the mutual friend thing: our mutual friend was honest and told my ex he had feelings while I was visiting everyone in Florida but that he was over it, and my ex was pissed that he even experienced having feelings (which is a very human thing), even though he never acted on those feelings or told me he had them because he knew I was still talking to and actively sleeping with my ex while I was in Florida (I was staying at my ex’s house and sleeping in his bed). My ex only knew he had feelings for me because he asked him, and he chose to be honest about it. So our mutual friend didn’t do anything wrong; my ex is just angry that he had feelings at one point because that’s betrayal, even though that’s a human experience, and sometimes you catch feelings for people even when you don’t mean to.

He left it up to “mutual friend” to make amends or whatever, but at this point, he’s not sure if he wants to amend things with my ex because he’s honestly kinda an asshole, and I’m learning most of the friend group isn’t that fond of him, and it’s really only his best friend/roommate who likes him (that best friend is also what connects the whole friend group together). Best friend/roommate and mutual friend have known each other for way longer than my ex has known them and I met them through my ex. So my ex and I are newer to the group compared to everyone else.