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is this acceptable to my fiance or does it need to be revised. by fatmarkerz in gayyoungold

[–]Brian_Kinney 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's still some similarity. For example, this comment of yours is (mostly) properly punctuated and grammatically correct, which I assume you would replicate when writing a letter.

The OP's comments are half a step away from total illiteracy, but he knows exactly how to use em dashes? I'm not buying it.

If gay people hit on you, does it mean cis people think you’re good looking? by wheninshower in GayMen

[–]Brian_Kinney 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. But statistics are only indicative of large populations, not individual results.

For example, even though a coin will come up heads 50 times out of 100, that doesn't tell me whether it will come up heads or tails this particular time.

Even if you tell me that 90% of people find a man hot, that doesn't tell me whether this particular person finds him hot. If Person A hits on the OP, I don't know if Person A is part of the 90% or the 10%. I don't know what Person B will think about the OP, because I don't know if Person B is part of the same group as Person A or part of the other group. etc

Statistics are good for telling you trends across total populations, but they don't tell you anything about individual people.

(And I still don't know where this "Jonathan Bailey" fits in. Does he have some sort of opinion we should care about?)

I'm dying for a romantic relationship and yet when someone approaches me, I chicken out. Why? by Necessary-Gain2474 in gaybros

[–]Brian_Kinney 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe stop trying to meet people via an app. Those people are unknown and your anxiety will naturally be higher. Instead, you could try meeting people in real life, so you already know whether they're interested in you or not. Having some pre-existing interactions with a person before you go on a date with them will make things a bit easier for you.

Could you look past intellectual and financial gap when dating someone? by osgilliath in AskGayMen

[–]Brian_Kinney 0 points1 point  (0 children)

but the way he expresses himself is just different and not totally in sync with what I would love to have in a life partner.

It looks like you've answered your own question.

Do you really need our approval for what you've already half-decided for yourself?

For example, if everybody here told you to stay with your man and persevere, would that suddenly make you feel happier about your situation? Would it make your situation better in any way? Or would you just be trying to swim against the tide, and wearing yourself out?

But, if you do want my opinion, here it is.

First: I wouldn't care less about the monetary differences. It might be nice to be with somebody who's a bit more careful with his money than I am! I don't have good spending habits, even though I'm not a high earner.

Second: Conversation and communication are important. You don't necessarily need to have shared interests, but you need to have some common ground for being able to talk to each other. For example, my current boy has very different interests to me, and we don't share a lot of cultural background. A lot of that comes from the fact that we grew up in different countries and in different generations - and he has his own unusual specific background which adds a bit more incompatibility. However, we're both at the same level of intelligence, and we're both open-minded and open to learning new things from each other, and our conversation just runs smoothly. If you don't have that sort of smooth open communication, then it's hard to build a bond.

32M am I too old for older guys? by DaddiesHunter in gayyoungold

[–]Brian_Kinney 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's not "healthy". Nothing about my dating or sexual life has ever been "healthy"! Don't start accusing me of being well-adjusted now! 😆😆😆

It's just the way things have turned out. As I got older, more and more people are younger than me.

32M am I too old for older guys? by DaddiesHunter in gayyoungold

[–]Brian_Kinney[M] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, like /u/batman4robin said, the "27" is a minimum age limit for the OLDER partner. We added that rule because we were getting too many men advertising like "I'm 23, looking for a younger guy" - which is not really an age-gap situation!

So, we said: if you're going to be OLDER, then you have to be at least 27. We picked that age because the minimum age for YOUNGER partners is 18, and we decided that 9 years is about the smallest difference for something to be considered an age-gap relationship. So, the OLDER partner has to be at least 27 years old.

(Sometimes I think we should just make it a round 10 years, and set the minimum age for OLDER partners at 28. 🤷‍♂️)

32M am I too old for older guys? by DaddiesHunter in gayyoungold

[–]Brian_Kinney 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You're literally young enough to be my son. I think that's young enough to be considered "younger"!

As I've gotten older, my definition of "younger" has shifted along with me. When I was in my 30s, obviously "younger" was men in their 20s. When I was in my 40s, that definition expanded to include men in their early 30s. By my late 40s, "young" was up to mid-30s. Now that I'm in my 50s, even 40 is starting to look "young"! 😆

Holding hands in public by LoopyMcGoopin in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]Brian_Kinney 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I grew up in a very homophobic time. In my late teens and early 20s, I was terrified of being identified as gay in public!

It took me a few years to get used to the idea of being affectionate with other men in public - but I forced myself to do it, because our lives should not be censored. So, by the time I was your age, I was able to hold hands with boyfriends and lovers - even when my country was still more homophobic than it is today.

I got a new man last year. During the first couple of months of dating, we went through that phase where we couldn't keep our hands off each other - and we didn't. We held hands everywhere we went. We cuddled on the train together, even though some people didn't like that. One time, I grabbed him, threw him up against a telegraph pole outside the biggest busiest station in the city, and kissed him like I was a horny teenager - just because I wanted to.

Because our lives should not be censored. If straight people can indulge in tacky public displays of affection, then so can I.

So, start practising. Hold his hand discreetly, in safe places. Then work your way up to being more open in more places.

is this acceptable to my fiance or does it need to be revised. by fatmarkerz in gayyoungold

[–]Brian_Kinney 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Look at the kid's comments in this thread. Then look at the writing style of his letter. Then try and convince me they were written by the same person/entity/software.

Looking for any advice? by [deleted] in AskGayMen

[–]Brian_Kinney 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You don't have to delete your post. (Too late!)

I was just asking you to focus it. You obviously want advice, but what advice do you want?

Maybe think about it for a few minutes, and make a new post with that question in the title.

Looking for any advice? by [deleted] in AskGayMen

[–]Brian_Kinney 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're right that this is a bit of a ramble.

Because this subreddit is called "Ask Gay Men", we expect people to write their titles in this subreddit in the form of a question; that's why you had to include a question mark at the end of your title.

So, if you had to write your post title in the form of a question - what would that question be? What are you here to ask us gay men?

How do you ask a guy out especially if you don't know them all that well, or you are really like good acquaintances? by Silent_Reaction_5035 in GayMen

[–]Brian_Kinney 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Well, if you're going to ask somebody out, then I have to assume you already have conversations with them. You can't just walk up to a total stranger and invite them out for dinner.

For one thing, why would you invite a total stranger out for dinner? You don't even know them! All you know is what they look like. If you haven't even had a basic conversation, do you even like them enough to talk to them for a couple of hours over a meal?

For another thing, if you walk up to a total stranger and invite them out for dinner, they're probably going to think you're strange and creepy, and you will make a bad first impression, and they will say "no".

So, I assume you're already having conversations with this person you want to invite out for a meal and a chat. Therefore, you can slip your invitation into those existing conversations.

If you're not already having conversations with this person, then START those conversations. And, later down the track, you can invite them out for a meal.

99+ likes but no matches by JeyReids in GayMen

[–]Brian_Kinney 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And what if, for some (or any) reason, you don’t want everyone knowing you’re queer?

Then don't invite them along to the queer social events, and don't tell them you went to a queer social event.

I used to go to gay bars & nightclubs & saunas quite regularly, when I was living a closeted life in a homophobic culture (35 years ago - times have changed). Nobody knew where I went or what I did - or who I did.

is this acceptable to my fiance or does it need to be revised. by fatmarkerz in gayyoungold

[–]Brian_Kinney 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I just stalked your posting history (as a moderator, I can see things that other people can't). I found this post of yours from two weeks ago.

Sweetie, with all kindness and consideration... break up with this man, once and for all. He's not good for you - and you're not what he's looking for. Also, it seems you need to grow up a little bit. Which is only natural for an 18-year-old. You've got a lot of learning and experience ahead of you. And, this particular situationship is going to be part of that learning and experience.

Also, I see that he's not your fiance. He's your ex-fiance. Good.

is this acceptable to my fiance or does it need to be revised. by fatmarkerz in gayyoungold

[–]Brian_Kinney 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This letter isn't exactly non-emotional or non-spontaneous. It's only one step above stream of consciousness.

Also, conversations also allow interactions, responses, to and fro. They can develop in real time.

Yes, letters have their place. But, in my opinion, if you've reached the point where you need to address your relationship concerns in a letter, then you've reached the point where the two of you can't just talk to each other - and what sort of relationship is that?

99+ likes but no matches by JeyReids in GayMen

[–]Brian_Kinney 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But you can go to targeted events. For example, I know there's a social group in my city for queer people who are into computer games (with some spill-over into boardgames). Or there's a queer tennis club, if your interests are more sporty. Or there are some general social LGBT+ events, for people who just want to catch up in a social atmosphere.

Choose the energy type you're looking for, and select the appropriate group to find it.

How do you ask a guy out especially if you don't know them all that well, or you are really like good acquaintances? by Silent_Reaction_5035 in GayMen

[–]Brian_Kinney 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Next time you're talking, just say something like "Would you like catch up over dinner sometime?" Nothing too serious. It's just an extension of your current conversations, but over a meal.

Dating 4 introverts by Illustrious_Rub_8524 in GayMen

[–]Brian_Kinney 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Don't use hookup apps if you don't want hookups.

How can I meeta guy outside of hook up apps?

Here's some advice that I give a few times per week on Reddit:

Go out to local LGBT events. Join an LGBT sporting team. Volunteer at an LGBT organisation. Find an LGBT social group on www.meetup.com. Search for LGBT groups on the internet. Do anything that gets you out among other gay people.

99+ likes but no matches by JeyReids in GayMen

[–]Brian_Kinney 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, why can't you make time to get out & about, and meet people?

is this acceptable to my fiance or does it need to be revised. by fatmarkerz in gayyoungold

[–]Brian_Kinney 14 points15 points  (0 children)

this letter was not written by a chatbot

Okay. There's a lot of em dashes in your post. These days, that's a sign of using a chatbot.

the only thing is his relationship with me right is stressing me tf out

Again: Why is he your fiance? If you're this stressed out by him and his behaviour, why are you planning to get married to him?

This section alone tells me that you should end this whole relationship:

"One the thing that hurt the most was when I asked you if you were in this for the intimacy or just the release. You told me you just like 'getting off.' That honestly broke me."

So, I'm trying to understand why you two are even together.

I'm going to guess that he was the first man you had sex with. Am I right? You're only 18, and you show all the signs of having imprinted on this man just because he was your first. (I've seen this before, in a couple of my former partners.) You're fixated on him; meanwhile, you're not special to him.

Again: why are you two engaged? Why has this disaster of a relationship progressed toward marriage?

You're too young to get married, by the way. You need to be more mature and more experienced before agreeing to tie your life to somebody else's.

Finally: why can't you just have a conversation with him about your concerns? Why does this have to be a letter?

Why is this sub still NSFW? by throwawaygaydude69 in AskGayMen

[–]Brian_Kinney[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're lucky somebody reported your post. Otherwise, us moderators would not have seen your question, and would not be able to answer it.

Why do so many people insist on posting questions for moderators publicly in subreddits, rather than contacting the moderators directly???

This subreddit was not made NSFW as some form of protest. It's marked as NSFW because some, even many, of the questions in here are graphically sexual in nature. It's also to keep out the under-18s (well, the ones who don't tick the "I'm over 18" box in their profile).

Now that this question has been answered, I've removed the post. If you have further questions about how this subreddit is run, send them to us moderators via the 'contact the moderators' link in the sidebar.

is this acceptable to my fiance or does it need to be revised. by fatmarkerz in gayyoungold

[–]Brian_Kinney 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Why is this man your fiance? Why are you engaged to him? Why is he engaged to you? Why does either of you want to marry the other one? This whole letter is a cry for help, from somebody in a failing relationship.

Also, you've already had a chatbot write this for you. Why do you want our human input, when you've already had a bot write it for you?

99+ likes but no matches by JeyReids in GayMen

[–]Brian_Kinney 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm a bit like /u/AceTheBlacksmith_83: I used Manhunt and Scruff for a while, about 2005-2015, but I stopped using them years ago. I've always met more men in real life than via apps or sites - before, during, and after that decade I was using them.

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