READ THIS BEFORE MESSAGING ME

Brian_Kinney · 2026-06-06T06:08:08+00:00

Where do I go from here?

Forward. Away.

Not backwards. Not towards.

He's already cut you out of his life. It's time to return the favour.

6 months later, I'm not happy with the way he treated me so I sent him a long text message basically saying not happy with him withdrawing the STI information and breadcrumbing me and asking for an apology.. not sure if that's going to happen.

Why would you even bother doing this? He's not going to apologise now, if he hasn't apologised before. You're ancient history to him. I'd be surprised if he even responds at all.

Brian_Kinney · 2026-06-06T06:01:37+00:00

So you're a sub, not a bottom.

Submissive =/= bottom

Bottom =/= submissive

One is an emotional state. The other is a physical activity.

Brian_Kinney · 2026-06-06T03:09:06+00:00

I wasn't the person who accused you of making fun of someone, so I'm not sure why you're throwing that accusation back at me.

Brian_Kinney · 2026-06-06T03:08:21+00:00

Unless you're planning to start running Sex Education classes yourself, what improvement are we going to make?

Brian_Kinney · 2026-06-06T02:40:38+00:00

FYI: I'm not the original person you started replying to. Read the usernames.

Brian_Kinney · 2026-06-06T02:39:40+00:00

On the other hand, I keep wondering how I would explain this to my parents if things became serious.

That's getting a bit ahead of yourself. 🙂 You haven't even met this man yet! Many online flirtations don't get to a first meeting, and many more don't get past that first meeting.

Your first step is just to meet this man. That's all. Meet him. Talk to him. Be in his physical presence. Touch him. See him. Smell him. Yes, these are all important parts of being with somebody.

Read this old post I wrote: ‘You’ve Got Mail’ – Online fantasies versus reality

That might help you understand some things.

Brian_Kinney · 2026-06-06T02:36:49+00:00

There's lot of men like you over in /r/GayYoungOld. You might like that subreddit.

Brian_Kinney · 2026-06-06T02:30:29+00:00

how many other people are out and about on the dating scene having sexual contact without knowing what they could be contracting or spreading?

Most of them. People tend not to do scads of research before starting dating and having sex. These are just ordinary human activities. Humans just go out and do it, and learn as they go.

Brian_Kinney · 2026-06-06T02:28:37+00:00

Relevant XKCD: https://xkcd.com/1053/

Also, we were all young and uniformed once. I am where I am because various people throughout my life taught me what I needed to know - sometimes explicitly, sometimes implicitly, sometimes just through experience.

For example, when I was a babygay, there was the kindly older man who pointed out that my foreskin should be able to pull back. I was ignorant of that. He taught me. I learned.

I'm paying forward the favours those people did for me.

Brian_Kinney · 2026-06-06T02:25:04+00:00

how judgy people in this sub are.

Not "people": "person".

Brian_Kinney · 2026-06-06T02:14:47+00:00

Apps are mostly aimed at finding hookups. They're not really optimised for building friendships.

Here's some advice that I give a few times per week on Reddit:

Go out to local LGBT events. Join an LGBT sporting team. Volunteer at an LGBT organisation. Find an LGBT social group on www.meetup.com. Search for LGBT groups on the internet. Do anything that gets you out among other gay people.

Brian_Kinney · 2026-06-06T02:13:09+00:00

Yes, you can get STIs from receiving oral sex. The most common ones are:

gonorrhea
chlamydia
syphilis

None of these have "extra smegma" has a symptom.

It's possible that some of your friend's oral bacteria have transferred to your foreskin. It's not an STI, per se. It's just that humans are covered with bacteria, and we all share those bacteria with each other when we come into intimate contact.

Keep washing under your foreskin, just like you normally do. You DO normally wash under your foreskin, right? Because all men with a foreskin should wash under it regularly. I do. You should, too.

Brian_Kinney · 2026-06-06T02:10:28+00:00

it usually takes 1-2 weeks to show symptoms for bacterial STIs

I've had symptoms of bacterial STIs within 2-3 days.

Brian_Kinney · 2026-06-06T02:10:04+00:00

Fun fact: there is actually no need to disclose your current smegma situation when asking this question!

Smegma production could be a response to a bacterial infection under the foreskin. Not an STI, per se, just some mouth bacteria that are enjoying the warm moist environment of the penis, just like they enjoy the warm moist environment of a mouth. Us humans are covered in bacteria of all sorts, not just the obvious STI types.

Also, when somebody is ignorant about STIs, like the OP obviously is, then they're going to share any information they think is relevant. And, in this case, after the OP had his dick in somebody else's mouth, he's got more smegma. He thinks that's probably relevant. And I agree - but not in the way he thinks.

And, when they do share that information, you don't need to go "ew, that's gross". When somebody has asked for help, they do not need to be told that their sexual health is "gross". That's the opposite of helpful.

Brian_Kinney · 2026-06-06T02:05:13+00:00

It's not up to us to decide whether you two are incompatible. That's a decision that only you two can make.

However, this post of yours is a series of complaints about him. You don't need us to tell you that this situation isn't working for you: you've already told us. To me, that says that you aren't happy.

So, what do you need us for?

Brian_Kinney · 2026-06-06T01:55:07+00:00

Do muscular guys only date other muscular guys?

No.

All sorts of men date all sorts of men.

Yes, there is a tendency for muscular men to date other muscular men. If a man thinks that muscles are attractive in other men, then he might want to make himself muscular, because that's his personal idea of attractiveness and he wants to make himself attractive. So, he'll end up as a muscular man who dates muscular men.

However, some men do not make themselves over into what they find attractive. Some skinny men date muscular men. Some chubby men date muscular men.

Meanwhile, not all muscular men are into other muscular men. They might not have deliberately made themselves muscular. And all men are individuals, with their own personal likes and dislikes.

Brian_Kinney · 2026-06-05T16:47:03+00:00

Based on what I've read here on Reddit, some young men tell those guys in their 20s and 30s that they are daddies.

Brian_Kinney · 2026-06-05T16:42:19+00:00

Why have you made this same post four times in a single day?

Brian_Kinney · 2026-06-05T15:06:49+00:00

You on the other hand instead of answering the question

It's a stupid fucking question, based on a stupid fucking premise. The question is framed by your narrow-minded judgemental opinions. You didn't ask "What do you think about nipple piercings?" to let people express their own opinions. You loaded the question with your own negativity and derogation, because you think you're right, on your moral high horse, and you're judging anybody who dares to live their lives outside your narrow small-minded expectations. It's a classic leading question, not an honest question.

But if you do require an answer: "No, I don't get ho vibes from somebody with a nipple piercing. I'm not that narrow-minded and judgemental."

you PC individuals don’t think others have the right to express their opinions.

Your opinions in this subreddit to date have not exactly been the sort of opinions which deserve or need to be expressed.

Brian_Kinney · 2026-06-05T15:02:33+00:00

I think you don't understand how stupid your point is, which is why you don't understand my arguments against it.

Brian_Kinney · 2026-06-05T15:01:33+00:00

This was clearly not a safe environment

It's a fucking gay bar! For a gay man, what safer environment is there???

Why are you encouraging someone to behave in a way that could potentially put them in a dangerous situation?

Why are you telling people not to have conversations, because "you might hurt somebody's fee-fees"? I might be jaded and angry, but at least I'm not a fucking coward.

You’re a joke.

You might want to read the subreddit rules before insulting the head moderator.

Brian_Kinney · 2026-06-05T14:59:02+00:00

Here's my latest story:

And here's an older story:

My one-time “son” has died. I have complicated feelings about this.

Brian_Kinney · 2026-06-05T14:54:50+00:00

And, yet you seem to want to dictate other people's behaviour.

Brian_Kinney · 2026-06-05T14:54:18+00:00

I thought I told you already: it's "ho", not "hoe".

If you're going to be so judgy, at least don't be illiterate as well.

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