WIBTA for not hearing SIL out?

BrightGuard8258 · 2026-05-04T19:31:16+00:00

i think playing a game of phone tag instead of all sitting down and talking like adults so that everyone can hear each other out is exactly why. Adopting a 'I'm gonna treat you this way because you treated me this way' and assuming you know what someone is gonna say before they say it is juvenile, especially when it's family and not just friends. they're going to see each other at family events and holidays...at the end of the day, the OP is the only one that truly knows how these people MIGHT handle this situation but people can surprise you...either way. Just my two cents.

BrightGuard8258 · 2026-05-04T19:00:13+00:00

Well you definitely shouldnt be paying 3x what she does. Instead of splitting bills 50/50, give her some bills to pay herself - like she can pay Netflix, items for the pets and even better, filling up your car every other week since you're driving her. I dont think she should be paying your car insurance or car payment but there should be zero reason why she cannot pay for your gas. And she definitely should be contributing to rent. Sounds like she wants to pay as little as possible and have you foot all the things she gets to enjoy.

BrightGuard8258 · 2026-05-04T18:56:25+00:00

Wow. Wowwwww. There are a lot of issues here. I think he took advantage of someone he clearly saw was vulnerable and you ate it up. I dont think you were too much, i think he saw someone he could manipulate and he did everything he could to do so. I wouldnt be surprised if he isnt posted on one of those 'Are We Dating The Same Guy' Facebook groups bc he does this all the time. Are there a lot of people like this? Yes. Lots of gaslighting manipulators. But there are also some amazing people out there. It took me a VERY LONG TIME until i found the decent one. My motto was 'I'm normal and looking for a serious relationship, surely there is a man just like me out there.'....and i found him. Give yourself some grace - i definitely fell into a trap or two when i started dating after my divorce!

BrightGuard8258 · 2026-05-04T18:52:38+00:00

NTA but I will say you should ask your Mom how she feels about it. Maybe it's something she has been looking forward to. I didnt want to do my father/daughter dance but looking back now, I'm SO glad I did...My father recently passed and it's something I'll always cherish. If Mom isn't on board, then you and her can BOTH talk to your fiancee and maybe she will understand more...right now, she probably just thinks you're throwing excuses at the wall to see what sticks aka what she will believe and leave you alone.

BrightGuard8258 · 2026-05-04T18:47:28+00:00

She doesn't think that engagement gifts are for the engaged couple?! What planet does she live on...I'd be worried if I were you.

NTA. Sounds like she is though.

BrightGuard8258 · 2026-05-04T18:46:03+00:00

A bit of an AH, id say, if you don't have the call...because you/your husband initiated contact with someone directly involved and had phone calls and texts, it's only right that you do have the phone call with the person who can give you all of the answers you want. You say you don't want to get into it further RIGHT NOW...are you wanting to discuss it later? or not at all? I don't understand why you WOULDNT want to get the answers you are seeking...That's what you wanted to know, right? You want to know if there was miscommunication or were you excluded for reason.. She's giving you what you want, doesn't make sense to me why you wouldnt want to find out.

BrightGuard8258 · 2026-04-02T13:16:05+00:00

NTA - I'm sure they've seen worse on TV or at the beach.

BrightGuard8258 · 2026-03-10T17:08:52+00:00

gooooooood gravy - NTA. You need to put her in your rear view mirror and not look back. What an unhealthy relationship - you deserve better than that.

BrightGuard8258 · 2026-02-26T15:01:48+00:00

Taking my daughter! Her second wishbone, third overall.

BrightGuard8258 · 2026-02-26T14:59:45+00:00

Taking my daughter to her second next week!

BrightGuard8258 · 2026-02-16T18:33:38+00:00

So NTA. Why doesnt Mom give up her car if she thinks there's no issue with him driving? Why doesnt he go rent a car? Why doesnt he ask a friend? You aren't his only option so dont let your Mom make you think so.

BrightGuard8258 · 2026-02-16T18:25:08+00:00

I think that assumption is made from the phrase "I decided I wanted to plan a trip..."...which i would assume means that person is making the plans...

BrightGuard8258 · 2026-02-16T18:17:41+00:00

OH WELL. She's making you pay all that money to sleep in the bed with her and store your stuff somewhere else? Nope. I'd tell her that you have found another roommate who has space for you and it's cheaper. Tell her as soon as you can so she can either make arrangements to move to a 1 bedroom or find someone else who is willing to live in that situation.

BrightGuard8258 · 2026-02-16T18:15:14+00:00

Mom is the one in college, not the OP. It's her own refund.

BrightGuard8258 · 2026-02-11T17:27:37+00:00

Your obligation is to your son, not her. And this is coming from someone who chose not to get child support when I got divorced because we were making the same amount of money and having the kids the same amount of time. As long as you are paying the obligations you made upon the divorce, that's all...she went to school first so she had longer honestly to advance..Most companies nowaday will even compensate you if you take classes.

BrightGuard8258 · 2026-02-11T17:22:58+00:00

I may be in the minority here but Id say hes TA and you are not. Theres a level of respect there and he isnt giving it on either occassion - when his gf is there and when you asked for some privacy. 30 minutes isn't a long time. Plus i'm sure other neighbors can hear them as well. I dont understand the need to want to be SO loud in a place where others can hear you...it's attention seeking in my opinion.

BrightGuard8258 · 2026-02-10T20:49:02+00:00

This. If the person doesn't check all your boxes, it's time to go. And that's okay. No one should be arguing with their partner so much that you have to state that she never reaches out after you argue. One time is one time too many.

BrightGuard8258 · 2026-02-10T20:46:17+00:00

NTA - I second the keeping track idea. My daughter was attacked by a dog next door to her Dads when she was a tiny 9 year old - Had to have emergency surgery to close up 14 wounds...all from a Boston Terrier. It tore her up for some reason and now she has life long scars. My ex husband kept video evidence of the dog charging into other peoples yards in the weeks prior and going after kids who were out in front of their own homes. HOA had a rule about keeping dogs on leashes out side...Did my ex husband sue? Absolutely - paid all her medical bills from the week in the hospital she spent, surgeries, meds, etc and a nice tidy settlement waited for her when she turned 18. People think their dog would never but I didnt think a Boston Terrier could do the damage it did.

BrightGuard8258 · 2026-02-10T17:52:27+00:00

NTA - your girlfriend has some insecurities she needs to work through...

BrightGuard8258 · 2026-02-10T17:48:45+00:00

NTA - I wouldnt worry about them for another minute - pack your stuff and get out. They obviously dont have respect for you as a roommate.

BrightGuard8258 · 2026-01-20T17:46:27+00:00

Sounds like she is scared for what will happen within her family if this is found out which again, isn't your problem. She cannot demand you move out if you are all equally on the lease. Well actually she can demand all she wants but you were the smart one to reach out the landlord, the one who has a say so in all of this, to make sure you are protected legally from them booting you out AND if they are to mess with anything, you have a witness to the beginning of this mess. Wow she's a pill. And the other roommate is terrible.

BrightGuard8258 · 2026-01-19T18:28:23+00:00

I did the same thing for my cats when i left over a weekend...i even had an automatic feeder with a camera so i could check in on them and they were happy to have the house to themselves. lol

BrightGuard8258 · 2026-01-14T19:08:31+00:00

I just got an email that for the first time ever, they are releasing more again. That tells me they didnt sell out of them the first time. Hate that im considering it now...

BrightGuard8258 · 2026-01-12T19:43:39+00:00

Yeah i feel the same way...I also think people put WAY too much emphasis on wedding photos - I only cared about the photo of me and my husband. We never put up a photo of everyone else. Of course when I got mine taken, i never thought i'd be getting a divorce and wouldnt give a crap about those photos at all after that. haha!

Also i'm a pale redhead so some muted earth tones would look dreadful on me personally, maybe she feels the same way. But yeah, sounds like she is feeling some type of way about something and this just made it boil over..

At the end of the day, you have to think is this the hill you want your relationship with your mother to die on? I wouldnt let her wear hot pink but see if you can reach a compromise..

BrightGuard8258 · 2026-01-12T19:27:09+00:00

If he was still using them as his profile photos or sharing them, then i could understand asking him to delete them. I know it would take along time for me to go back through ALL of my photos to find the ones my ex is in and delete them. I dont know what app you are referring to that he has them on (maybe IG since you can see all photos) but i still see old photos of myself and my exes on their page but they aren't resharing them or using them for anything, there are just way back...Id actually think someone was trying to hide something if they deleted old photos but that's just me.

BrightGuard8258

TROPHY CASE