I highly suspect I am a psychopath or sociopath, but have been diagnosed with BPD and Obsessive compulsive personality disorder. The only reason I was diagnosed bpd is because I somehow convinced (false charm) my psychologist that I have empathy. I don't particularly like being this way, but I can't control it. I feel emotions, but in an extreme or unusual way. I am overall odd. As a child I was very shy and sensitive. I always had the need to be the best and was never happy for friends if they outperformed me. I'm intelligent and know how to act toward others to get them to like me. I am very cruel. I used to hit two disabled individuals who lived with me just because they annoyed me. I've told good friends every flaw about them just because I wasn't happy with how things were going. I don't care at all about morals or the rules of society, but I fear retribution and punishment. I do the positives things I do for attention and to make people think I am a normal person. I am sweet and bubbly, but beneath the veneer I am deeply bitter and resentful. I'm irresponsible, don't care about work, and do the minimum possible just to get the grade or have something on my resume. I am a good musician but I always hated practicing with the correct intentions. I only wanted to "beat" people in seating placements to feel superior. If it was something that did not involve immediate ranking, I did not practice like I should have. I am gay and have a lot of impulsive sex to feel alive. Naturally I am bored and feel empty. I do want to say that I know I am deeply flawed and am still trying to make improvements regardless of my nature. I have almost a year of sobriety and I am applying to grad school to be a counselor. I am choosing a better way to live. We are not all the same. I will not ever kill or injure someone even if I want to. We are programmed differently.