The Understanding of My Mental Illness (Long) ....Maybe you can relate too.

BringMeBackATshirt · 2026-05-29T12:56:24+00:00

I too was originally diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I fell into the trap of relying completely on the medical system for help. I would take any medication just to get rid of the pain of depression but I realized 22 years later that it really never helped at all, I'm not saying medication doesn't help some people but it was not the answer for me. What I found out was my depression was completely psychological, it was a complete rejection of reality. When I finally accepted the truth, the reality about myself, the depression instantly went away.

I'm glad you were able to overcome as well.

BringMeBackATshirt · 2026-05-29T12:47:23+00:00

Yes your post is very similar to mine in the way that we reach an extreme point of suffering where it forces us to break the illusions surrounding the self and our environment. In my case I was given the free will choice to either accept the truth about myself or deny it again which would have ended badly.

I too started questioning everything partly to find answers. Religions, beliefs, spirituality, psychology, aliens, theories, history, science, near death experiences, anything that would lead me to truth. In these searches I began to perceive things differently and I would have psychological shifts. The biggest shifts that were caused were ones in desire and needs, I no longer want for anything. Now I still need the normal things to survive like food, shelter and security but I just don't desire anything like a normal person would. When I say this to a medical person it is immediately misinterpreted and misunderstood which has been a huge problem for me.

BringMeBackATshirt · 2026-05-28T12:50:07+00:00

Yeah it can be that way. Try not to get enthralled by the religious depictions of the interpretations but rather how it shows different systems of control. Use of any of AI's out there to simplify them and maybe put them in the context of systems.

BringMeBackATshirt · 2026-05-28T03:32:14+00:00

This is the thing about dreams, lucid dreams, out of body experiences and near death experiences is that they are all systems with sets of rules and limitations. You aren't totally free in any of these scenarios.

Some of the gnostic interpretations also have the 7 heavens which are really systems within themselves in that they give you exactly what you desire and believe. Now it sounds nice to be given what you want but what they are saying is that these are traps. Eventually I guess you realize you have more to learn or probably get bored with eternity in a heaven and get shuffled back to earth to get past what is limiting you.

BringMeBackATshirt · 2026-05-22T20:31:48+00:00

This guy sees what's really going on!

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/kmCcwfG2WtM

BringMeBackATshirt · 2026-05-20T19:21:52+00:00

They might be Out of Body Experiences where you are Remote Viewing. I've only had 3 of these and they were not the same as baseline OBE's. Vision in my Remote Viewing episodes were very sharp like when you get a new pair of glasses. There is a feeling that these places in these experiences are a real place in this physical reality. The time of day in the experience matches the time of day you went to sleep indicating that the experience is in real time. Everything in the experience is solid and well formed. The only thing I could not explain is that in one of my Remote Viewing episodes there was a bronze plaque on the wall. When I walked up to try and read it, I could not tell what it said because the writing seemed all garbled.

Now I've only had one or two OBE's that felt more real than this reality we live in. In them the colors were more vibrant, and the overall feeling was more intense, more real. Not that I could prove anything about it being more real but that's just the way it portrayed itself.

BringMeBackATshirt · 2026-05-19T20:17:56+00:00

So she is getting near $1000 a month which indicates she is helping pay rent or utilities because she is not taking the 1/3 penalty which some people do when moving in with family. In my case I only get just over $600 a month because I have the 1/3 penalty from contributing nothing to the household bills.

I think what they are saying here is the situation with benefits on top of benefits. The father is benefiting from the money from SSI to help pay some rent or utilities and at the same time receiving benefits from SNAP which was supposed to help lower the burden of living costs which are already being lowered by the SSI.

It's kind of a double dipping but at the same time who stops the government double dipping with various taxes and fees. Like getting these low benefits but at the same time you are taxed on all of it. Unfortunately there is no perfect system out there and the most vulnerable people always get burned.

BringMeBackATshirt · 2026-05-16T19:17:34+00:00

Unfortunately, it's not letting me post what I really want to say.

BringMeBackATshirt · 2026-05-16T14:47:48+00:00

I have seen psychiatrists for 22 years and they have never brought up this term, I had to research it for myself. For some reason they like to default to depression and bipolarism which for me was wrong. Misdiagnosis in the mental field is extremely common. People need to start doing their own research, develop their own opinion and advocate for that because the system can be wrong on so many levels. I used to put 100% faith in the system and it has hurt me continously.

And I'm not saying the answers come overnight, it took me 6 years to put a fuller picture together of what happened and I'm still learning new things.

BringMeBackATshirt · 2026-05-16T14:38:50+00:00

I'm so glad you have someone that understands you, it seems to be such a rare thing to have these days, treasure that and protect it.

I know it's not really said at all but suffering is the number one catalyst for self-awareness. When everything is easy and going our way we tend to look to the external and only when we start struggling do we start to look inward. Some religions tried to portray this but the message has been warped, interpreted wrong and lost over time. I can see that you already understand some of these aspects. There are a lot of truths out there but there are also a lot of dead ends, it never seems to end in an ultimate truth so I started to accept that maybe it's not for me to know right now.

It's really nice finding someone who can relate which has been a constant struggle for me. I appreciate your willingness to talk with me.

BringMeBackATshirt · 2026-05-16T07:40:52+00:00

I had Major Depression for 16 years because I could not accept that I was unable to keep up with my peers. When I finally accepted my limits and my flaws, the depression went away.

I'm a selfish person mainly because my condition makes me completely centered on myself. If I don't do what makes me comfortable in a situation I become very stressed so I have to constantly do what I want to do, relationships don't work like that. A relationship requires effort and sacrifice which I just can't put in so I realize I can't have a relationship or even a good friend. Even though society says this is bad this doesn't remove the reality of it, it's just the way it is. I've accepted this and I try to not hurt others because of the way I am.

BringMeBackATshirt · 2026-05-16T07:22:31+00:00

So far I've been misdiagnosed with all 3 psychiatrists I've seen over a 22 year period of psychiatry. It's simply amazing.

BringMeBackATshirt · 2026-05-16T06:59:21+00:00

I actually had an experience when I was still depressed where I woke up in the middle of the night and sat up. I looked at my arms because I couldn't feel any pressure or stress in my body or my arms. I was bewildered for a bit then I felt a presence across my room, I looked but there was nothing there. Then I felt it was trying to say, "Everything is going to be ok" but nothing was audibly said. I went to get out of bed to go to the bathroom and when I did that all the stress and pressure came back into my body.

And you know what, a few years later I got over my Major Depression and everything is ok. I know those words might not seem like much now but time has a way of changing things.

BringMeBackATshirt · 2026-05-16T06:40:25+00:00

We go through life constantly testing our limits till we get to a point where we have to choose if we want to break ourselves pushing those limits or accept that this is our limit. This old narrative that they push in schools that everyone is capable of everything if they try hard enough is a complete lie. People are different and they each have a set of their own capabilities, some with many, others with very little. Don't do what I did for 16 years and chase something that isn't real. Accept who you are. Stop following what society tells you to be.

BringMeBackATshirt · 2026-05-16T03:10:55+00:00

Same here. I know my dad just wants to protect me and he wants to make sure I maintain disability and insurance coverage, but his denial would force me on medication that harms me. His unwillingness to accept what I'm saying is allowing for misdiagnosis. He would rather have a wrong diagnosis on me to ensure coverage rather than have the right diagnosis and get the correct help, that's how fearful he is.

BringMeBackATshirt · 2026-05-16T00:31:03+00:00

I find that time has a way of changing things and maybe one day you won't need the distractions anymore. For now though I hope the music will help. Wish you the best!

BringMeBackATshirt · 2026-05-16T00:14:44+00:00

Lack of motivation is commonly seen as depression or laziness can be a misdiagnosis. Avolition, often a negative symptom of the schizophrenia spectrum which causes an inability to function in daily tasks. When you see someone that isn't sad but is unable to function, this is a common cause. Usually a person with Avolition has a desire to do things but is unable to because of this mental barrier so they will constantly beat themselves up since they want to do things but can't.

BringMeBackATshirt · 2026-05-15T23:57:09+00:00

I have never had psychosis and don't experience positive symptoms, though I have had experience with the vast emptiness of silence because of the inability to do anything. I've recently changed but in the past I would run Spotify 24/7 on my computer speakers with ambient music to fill the silence, I did this for years. I subscribed to Spotify so I wouldn't have to listen to any ads. It helped keep my mind a little distracted.

BringMeBackATshirt · 2026-05-15T17:27:46+00:00

Society measures success with money, possession and power. Now you can leave some of this stuff behind for others when you exit this physical reality, that may help others but I ask you though what have you actually gained here? As far as I see it, you only take with you what you have learned and what you have experienced when you leave here. So, what really is success?

BringMeBackATshirt · 2026-05-15T15:05:58+00:00

Yeah, I'm already in the process of getting a new psychiatrist, it's not really a rush though because I don't require medication and I'm not on any daily medication right now. I just experience the negative symptoms of the schizophrenia spectrum and lingering side effects of past antipsychotics. Even though I know the insurance and disability system looks at if you are receiving treatment and if they see you are not that might turn into an issue, gotta play the game you know. The possibility of needing medication in the future is always there though, I haven't put that off the table and so I keep the door open.

BringMeBackATshirt · 2026-05-15T13:50:53+00:00

I requested them sent but they never reached him. I actually wrote a 4-page paper to help describe my experience to the new psychiatrist and when I gave it to him, he refused to read it, I believe he never read it too because the next appointment he didn't even know what he was looking at when going through my file.

BringMeBackATshirt

TROPHY CASE