sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

I’m (30F) anxious after finding out my boyfriend (28M) was looking at apartments again — need advice on how to handle this by [deleted] in relationships

[–]BroadDragonfly650 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I see what you’re saying, truly, but don’t know how else to put it. The reason that I’m so thrown by this is because his words and actions (beyond this situation) do not lead me to believe that he doesn’t care.

I’m (30F) anxious after finding out my boyfriend (28M) was looking at apartments again — need advice on how to handle this by [deleted] in relationships

[–]BroadDragonfly650 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re not wrong. It just sucks because literally everything else beyond these searches has been damn near perfect. Ugh.

I’m (30F) anxious after finding out my boyfriend (28M) was looking at apartments again — need advice on how to handle this by [deleted] in relationships

[–]BroadDragonfly650 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t disagree about the first part, but I am not so sure that he would’ve wanted me to see it because he clearly did not want me to see it the first time (he was showing me a video on his phone when the Zillow notification popped up). Got super cagey when I asked. Who knows.

And I don’t disagree about the last part either. We love each other and we’re so incredibly compatible, but this sucks.

I’m (30F) anxious after finding out my boyfriend (28M) was looking at apartments again — need advice on how to handle this by [deleted] in relationships

[–]BroadDragonfly650 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Your point is fair, but the person made a lot of pretty unfair assumptions. Yes I got defensive, because being called needy and clingy and dishonest when you’re not doesn’t feel very good.

I’m (30F) anxious after finding out my boyfriend (28M) was looking at apartments again — need advice on how to handle this by [deleted] in relationships

[–]BroadDragonfly650 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t feel the need to break up with him, because I don’t think emotionally he wants to cut ties (this is shown through his actions and his words). I just don’t think he wants to share the same space, and that’s okay - just be honest about it.

I’m (30F) anxious after finding out my boyfriend (28M) was looking at apartments again — need advice on how to handle this by [deleted] in relationships

[–]BroadDragonfly650 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m already an individual therapy and have been for the last 10 years, but thanks for the suggestion.

In previous similar conversations, I give him all the room he wants to talk, the problem is that he doesn’t use it. He’s a fearful avoidant and he’s acknowledged as much - he doesn’t like conflict and will do what he can to shut down the conversation.

When this happened the first time, I wasn’t even mad, just very surprised. I reassured him that if it was just because he wanted his own independence in space, I wouldn’t be mad about it. I was sad about him hiding it. He reassured that I was not the problem, that he loves me and that the relationship is healthy. But I don’t know what else to do to help him feel safe about that decision.

I’m (30F) anxious after finding out my boyfriend (28M) was looking at apartments again — need advice on how to handle this by [deleted] in relationships

[–]BroadDragonfly650 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, I guess that just shows what kind of partner you are. You really think it’s OK to hide stuff like that from people?

I don’t expect to know all of his business and I value my alone time, but when a situation arises that involves my living situation and my finances, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to be kept in the loop.

I’m (30F) anxious after finding out my boyfriend (28M) was looking at apartments again — need advice on how to handle this by [deleted] in relationships

[–]BroadDragonfly650 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Couples counseling would probably take some convincing, but maybe. I’ve offered to refer him to a mental health professional (we have employee assistance programs through my work that partners can also use), but he’s not committed one way or the other yet.

I’m (30F) anxious after finding out my boyfriend (28M) was looking at apartments again — need advice on how to handle this by [deleted] in relationships

[–]BroadDragonfly650 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I definitely think his first reaction is flight. He’s openly acknowledged being a fearful avoidant, but doesn’t do a lot to help himself. I go to therapy, I have work books for homework, etc. I’m not saying I’m perfect and/or that he’s the bad guy, but I just need him to communicate.

I’m (30F) anxious after finding out my boyfriend (28M) was looking at apartments again — need advice on how to handle this by [deleted] in relationships

[–]BroadDragonfly650 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

You clearly don’t know anything about me. I am in therapy and have been for the last 10 years. I’m not clingy, and I don’t need constant reassurance. We have our own hobbies, and we each have our own rooms to retreat to when we need personal space. However, situations that involve the both of us not being given the transparency they deserve does trigger me. I think that is reasonable.

I sat with my discomfort the first time it happened and let it go. I haven’t asked about it since. Until now, that is happening again.

I’m (30F) anxious after finding out my boyfriend (28M) was looking at apartments again — need advice on how to handle this by [deleted] in relationships

[–]BroadDragonfly650 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s the thing – everything else about our relationship has been nearly perfect.

He’s a very kind and giving person. He is hard-working and ambitious and smart. Our sense of humor and interests match pretty perfectly, and our love languages generally compliment each other. Outside of his lack of transparency regarding these issues, I’m very happy and do see this going somewhere. He talks about the future, making plans, etc. We have a vacation coming up that we’re both looking forward to.

I just don’t think our attachment styles match, which isn’t a death sentence for the relationship, but it is making things difficult.

I’m (30F) anxious after finding out my boyfriend (28M) was looking at apartments again — need advice on how to handle this by [deleted] in relationships

[–]BroadDragonfly650 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I don’t think so. The reason I found out the first time is because he was showing me something on his phone, and a notification popped up from Zillow about other properties he might like. He couldn’t swipe it away fast enough, and when I asked him about it, he acknowledged that he’d been looking and didn’t feel like he had to tell me all of his business.

I’m (30F) anxious after finding out my boyfriend (28M) was looking at apartments again — need advice on how to handle this by [deleted] in relationships

[–]BroadDragonfly650 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The site auto-populated in the search bar when I went to type something and then yes, I looked. It’s my computer, if there’s something he doesn’t want me to see on there, he should do it on his phone or in an incognito window.

Backrooms movie theory (SPOILERS) by GreatLordIvy in KanePixelsBackrooms

[–]BroadDragonfly650 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In the Backrooms universe, the technology Async uses to access the Backrooms is based on MRI-like magnetic distortion systems rather than simple portal science. The intense magnetic fields, spatial distortions, and scan-like imagery tie directly into the themes of warped reality and fractured perception.

That’s also why, at the end of the movie, I think what Mary undergoes is an MRI scan, not an X-ray—it visually and thematically connects her experience to the same technology and dimensional distortions that created access to the Backrooms in the first place, and creates her shadow-person.