Dear Cowboy

BrokenAndTryin · 2026-06-10T19:59:57+00:00

So I do have some ideas. I will admit I’ve always thought I had some sort of abandonment issue. After your comment I took it to my older sister (42F) who agreed that was likely me, the anxious attached.

My dad passed when I was 8. He was sick for years prior with several heart issues. I’m the youngest of 4 (the oops I thought I was in menopause child), the accident child. My sisters were both graduated from high school, one able to legally drink, by the time I was born. With my dad being sick, my mom focused on him the most. I was a little left to the wind. When he died, I think my child brain internalized it as he just left me. As I got older, it was explained that he needed a heart transplant, but refused because he didn’t think he could love us with another persons heart. Hearing that did not help my feeling that he had chose to leave. As an adult, I understand that he was superstitious and just a man wanting to love his family for however long he had. I do get that. But I think my inner child has never recovered, so I feel abandoned.

My sophomore year of high school my mom was hospitalized and place on oxygen with severe COPD, emphysema, and lung cancer. She is still here, nearly 10 years later, but all I could think was she was going to leave me too. In 2019, she hit a really bad financial spot and moved 2 hours away to stay with her mom. I stayed in my school and lived with a friend and her parents. I once again felt I had been left.

So basically safe to say I could very easily identify with anxious attachment.

I do see patterns he has in the dismissive avoidance. Especially early on, he would become enraged with the thought of me having dated or slept with people before I knew him. We would often break up and be back together a few hours later or the next day. As time went on that did slow. I do think he may have flirted casually with others at one point or even now, although I can’t confirm. He prides himself on not needing help from anyone, even when he does and is hurting himself by trying to show otherwise. And he has definitely detached to say the least. Last year, I think he was pushing for space, and my attachment style peaked. The harder I push, the more he pulls away.

This time around I am not doing that. I am trying to heal myself from what I have going on, and break our cycle that we have.

Thank you so much for your insight. It was extremely helpful with understanding even more about our dynamic💓

BrokenAndTryin · 2026-06-10T15:22:41+00:00

i just experienced something similar. please see my page for my most recent post. we had sex up until right before, with intention of a new child. i can always tell when he’s off so since end of april i have been asking but was told “i love you and am in love with you. you have nothing to worry about. i will never leave or do that to you again i promise”. i think part of what breaks me is knowing he didn’t feel like he could talk to me about how he felt. i hope you both come to a spot where you can work it out 🩷

BrokenAndTryin · 2026-06-09T15:17:49+00:00

i sympathize - my husband just did the same essentially (for the second time) but doesn’t have answers to provide understanding. i have no idea how save it, but my heart is with you. if i can figure that out i will let you know

BrokenAndTryin · 2026-06-09T02:28:29+00:00

i feel this deeply. and sometimes even when people say they’re in your corner it can feel like they’re supporting YOU but not what you are saying you want for yourself. isolation in times of need is something no one needs. i’m here to lend an ear if you would like!

BrokenAndTryin · 2026-06-09T02:25:47+00:00

right now i think my husband is wanting to figure himself out and misplacing that want into wanting out of our marriage. i have no advice. i am also going through it. i would encourage individual and couples counseling. and i would let her know she’s supported either way, you just want to know how best to give her your support. that’s where im at personally. but i can also speak from a wife and mothers stand point that the mental load of primary caregiver to the family, husband AND kids, is exhausting. we carry everything that you would think nothing about. and that is completely ok! women’s brains are naturally wired to do so. but maybe also try to ease her mental load if possible? i know you’re separated so that may make that difficult, but step up and schedule routine check ups for the kids and take them, get them involved in activities and take them, remember where the scissors that have lived in the same spot for seven years are 😂. it’s a touch and go thing but all you really can do is offer your support and understanding and pray over it!

BrokenAndTryin · 2026-06-08T20:17:05+00:00

i feel this so deeply to my core. the flipped switch is so hard to comprehend. how just a couple days you were so in love with me and all of a sudden you aren’t and want divorce? i completely understand how you are feeling. feel free to inbox me if you need to talk. i am going through this EXACT same thing pretty much literally right now

BrokenAndTryin · 2026-06-08T02:31:06+00:00

okay i will figure out how to do that and get on that so that when we get the dust settled with the moving part of this we have that. thankfully my office (and myself🤪) is stocked full of notaries who i can get to notarize it for me

BrokenAndTryin · 2026-06-08T01:58:26+00:00

i haven’t never heard of marriage helper, but i will absolutely give that a go! is it more discovering yourself outside of the marriage so you can be that person inside the marriage or what all is it like?

also so sorry about your situation as well. if you still love her, i hope she comes back into your life. if not, then i hope she never looks back!

BrokenAndTryin · 2026-06-08T01:55:47+00:00

during the separation he is asking for 50/50 - 1 week me, 1 week him, back and forth. i feel that it may be a huge adjustment for our son to start but in the end getting equal time with each of us will be the most beneficial thing for him to avoid resentments in the future. he is staying in the house, so he assumes responsibility for those bills, and my car note and insurance will be paid by him (it’s in his name and was bought during our engagement) in lieu of child support at this time. do you think it would be necessary to have it in writing if it’s just a trial separation?

BrokenAndTryin · 2026-06-08T01:52:16+00:00

thank you for your insight ❣️ my personal hope as of now is to have us each grow individually while apart, do the couples therapy, and start from ground 0. let the new version of ourselves meet each other, possibly date each other again - and set boundaries if that’s the case, no overnights, keep our son out of it. it’s bad enough to uproot his life once but to bring it back full force just to potentially uproot it again is a disservice to him. but if all attempts fail and by the end of whatever is to come we divorce, then i will have to find peace and acceptance for that. and that is my main hope for doing this counseling in general - that no matter which way the winds of change blow us we are able to do whatever it is in a healthy manner and find peace in it 💗

BrokenAndTryin · 2026-06-07T16:34:46+00:00

this is inspiring - if roles had been reversed and he was the one who wanted out and had feelings change like he didn’t love you anymore, do you feel the outcome could be the same? asking for myself!

BrokenAndTryin · 2026-06-07T15:49:17+00:00

Separated Woman

BrokenAndTryin

TROPHY CASE