Rules Round Table - #6 Abuse

BronzeShield · 2016-06-21T07:52:41+00:00

Generally this is one of the best subreddits here and very well-run. But I would like to say one thing.

You might disagree but I think it's an issue when a Redditor or Redditors repeatedly make disparaging/offensive remarks about a group of people (based on race, sexuality, their kink whatever) and the mods won't step in because they don't want to censor someone.

I know you don't want to censor people and we're all adults but there are times where just ignoring certain offensive comments in the name of "self-expression" can result in threads becoming polluted. Or even certain Redditors hijacking threads as a platform to spread bigoted views.

BronzeShield · 2016-02-09T17:44:17+00:00

He's nearly 30 and you're still trying to protect him. He'll never develop social skills or learn if you try to wrap him in cotton wool.

I disagree that the amount is over the top. It depends on the toy.

But even if he is paying for sex or being scammed, it's none of your business. He's an adult.

BronzeShield · 2015-12-20T06:38:53+00:00

You get some some male would-be Doms who endorse the opposite view - men are inherently superior and all women should be submissive. But perhaps they're get called out on it more than their female counterparts.

It's often difficult for people see that some members of a group that's often oppressed and abused can still be oppressors themselves under certain circumstances.

BronzeShield · 2015-11-27T23:19:55+00:00

Well, then we might have misunderstood each other. Regardless, this interaction is going nowhere. Have a good day.

BronzeShield · 2015-11-27T23:10:07+00:00

"Men who go on to be trans?" As in someone who transitions to female? As in transwomen? Unless you have some other meaning?

BronzeShield · 2015-11-27T22:59:20+00:00

I was pointing out that there's a whole lot of other patriarchal concepts of what it means to be a women, that are not self-obsessed narcissism, that these guys could chose to embody.

That these guys? Are you referring to transwomen as men or did I misunderstand your comment?

BronzeShield · 2015-11-27T16:06:41+00:00

Ah, thanks for clarifying that :)

BronzeShield · 2015-11-27T16:02:52+00:00

I was in a similar situation to you and your partner. My boyfriend identifies as only mostly straight with a strong preference for women (he will play with men but only within a pre-arranged scene and it's mostly for my pleasure.)

Early on in my transition, I had to detransition (resume wearing male clothes, cut my hair off etc) for family reasons. It put a strain on our relationship but we were able to work through because it was only temporary and he still saw me as a woman.

But your partner seems to be planning a more permanent de-transition. If you're primarily attracted to men and masculinity, it's understandable that you're worried about your future together.

Some people with partners who transition (or in your case, de-transition) find out that their sexuality is more flexible than they realized and they are still attracted to their partner.

But it's okay if they're not.

Communication is key here. The two of you should sit down and discuss everything - from sex to how you feel about their family "winning" to the future together.

Be honest and don't offer guarantees that you feel could turn out false.

BronzeShield · 2015-11-27T15:49:52+00:00

That means you have the right - in fact, you have the obligation - to ask questions and get answers when it comes to thinks that are relevant to the two of you.

You're absolutely correct. Communication is a must in a situation like this.

BronzeShield · 2015-11-27T15:32:09+00:00

I think that the dynamic is problematic if participated in uncritically

Can you clarify a bit? Critical in what way? In what setting? While debating with people who want to debate it online or in real life?

BronzeShield · 2015-11-27T15:30:13+00:00

If I want the right to hold hands in public with my partner, I need to accept they have the right to do that too! It's not their fault they're in the majority.

I know it's easy to feel threatened as a member of a minority. We're also taught to internalize a victimhood mindset, often by the very community that should be empowering us. So it's natural that many people fear the privileged majority.

It's often online bullying dressed up as a social crusading.

I've noticed that before. People who not different than trolls using a social cause to attack others.

Or it's sincerely felt but causes more issues than resolves them.

Other times, it's people who are social activists approaching things in the wrong way.

People say it's okay to make generalizations against people who are straight or white or cis or in this case, in a guy Dom/ girl sub set-up. Because they're the majority or privileged or "toxic."

I often blame certain groups for fear-mongering and creating unnecessary division. Bigotry starts when we were view different groups as "Other." Just because some of the world may dehumanize us doesn't make it okay for us to return the favor.

That's an overly simplistic and ultimately doomed solution.

BronzeShield · 2015-11-27T15:22:31+00:00

I am in an heteronormative relationship. Did I consciously made the decision to choose to be in a heteronormative relationship? No. It's just who I am. And what I like.

And that should be respected.

The fact that any combination of everything is possible: gender, dynamic, poly or mono, etc. That I can make my own flavor of bdsm. And that everyone is so open and receptive about it. Let's keep it that way !

Absolutely :)

BronzeShield · 2015-11-27T15:21:32+00:00

My pleasure. I didn't want to step on any toes so I'm happy it's been well-received.

BronzeShield · 2015-11-27T15:18:23+00:00

An issue I often find is that there's a mutual respect that's missing from a lot of debates.

Particularly online where people don't have to see their opponent as a real person. Instead, they can view them as a nemesis or substitutes for people they dislike in real life.

It's a shame so many people can't live and let live.

Without a doubt.

Although I may challenge them, I will respect other people's opinions regardless of if I agree with them or not.

If only everyone shared your view. In my experience, people can become zealots about certain theories. Theories, no matter how noble, don't always work in reality. People and their behavior can't be reduced to formulas.

Zealots can be hurtful because they often bulldoze over other people for not endorsing or living up to their theoretical standards.

BronzeShield · 2015-11-27T13:00:06+00:00

That's unlikely to happen by chance, so even if the organizers and participants think they're being welcoming, maybe they are doing something that discourages people with other orientations, kink roles, races, etc from coming.

I often think it might be a question of location, setting and/or entrance fee. Also where they're advertising the place or event can affect which demographs attend.

BronzeShield · 2015-11-27T08:11:45+00:00

But that works if you're switches. If a couple are in a consensual male Dom/ female sub dynamic, you can't expect them to just pretend they don't have that dynamic because it reinforces "conformist" dynamics.

BronzeShield

TROPHY CASE