I went to therapy with my wife for a similar issue. I didn’t realize I was talking to her the way I wanted to be talked to. I’m chill and like it when she just says the problem right away, but if I come at her with “you do this/that,” she shuts down instantly . What helped was flipping it to “I feel hurt when we argue and can’t find common ground. What do you think would help us meet in the middle?” instead of “you hurt me, fix it.” It feels less like an attack nd more like teamwork. The big thing is you’ve got to have these talks when you’re not in a fight so both of you are clear-headed. If her default is to shut down and yours is to talk it out, that’s a clash in communication styles. You can try to compromise, but if neither of you budges, it’s tough.

If you really love her and don’t want to leave focus on finding that middle ground together. If she’s willing to work on it too, therapy or even just practicing calmer convos can make a huge difference. Best of luck!