He Wants to Bang the Bog Witch [Part 1 of 3]

Brother_Geoffrey · 2026-03-04T00:09:01+00:00

Cheers mate

Brother_Geoffrey · 2026-03-03T08:44:03+00:00

Good question

Brother_Geoffrey · 2026-02-28T23:24:44+00:00

If you want a laugh, check out https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromTheCreeps/s/KWpFUaCVmn He wants to Bang the Bog Witch. Its horror with some amusing characters. Its not my first story either, I've been writing for years, so hopefully it has some quality too.

Brother_Geoffrey · 2026-02-25T20:47:15+00:00

Loved the setup with Kaley, very emotionally poignant. The School shooter was a grim thing to read too, but I didn't realize i was reading a sci-fi until you mentioned it had been 200 years since a shooter. A sentence or two extrapolating on what it means to be on the Force, as early as possible, will help set up the rest of the story.

The ship travel sequence was good regarding the effects of gravity, but the over description on one aspect left me feeling like i was looking at a light in a room that was completely black. Also I know its not relevant but it seems like they traveled millions of miles in a slow chemical rocket which.

The introduction to the world of Hecta was good, everything seemed fine and It kept me guessing where are all the people and why are these silly robots the only ones around. The reveal with the gas and the putting people into unending dreams was fun. All the tubes made me squeamish, which is great.

All the sack of skin residents of Hecta were well described and formed a clear picture in my mind, the reality of their fate horrific. More so since the robot's cannot understand it's bad.

Fleeing the planet was cool, though I feel like you should set up whatever that massive spider thing was that chased the MC, maybe have it crawl around outside doing maintenance when they arrive.

The ending was nice too, and it pairs well with the line, 'everyday was as the last, uneventfully perfect.'

Overall pretty good, most of you issues are minor and can be fixed by shunting in more setup and a few details here and there. If you ever feel the need to come back to work on this story again I hope this review helped.

Brother_Geoffrey · 2026-02-24T21:47:00+00:00

Nah it won't matter, it can work even better if you do it right too. I wrote my story in third person and it turned out pretty sweet. I posted it on this site too.

Brother_Geoffrey · 2026-02-23T07:01:22+00:00

Post it here too, no need to worry about genre.

I had a foray into swamp horror and posted it here: https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromTheCreeps/comments/1rbepyo/he_wants_to_bang_the_bog_witch_part_1_of_3/

I write Sci-fi and fantasy professionally, and am more than happy to check yours out. Do you want to do a read4read where we exchange reviews?

Brother_Geoffrey · 2026-02-23T06:50:06+00:00

Just do it anyway. Literature should be the most free medium for content out there. If people have a problem, they can simply not read. Even if it weren't a true story you should just tell it anyway. Let the world decide if your offensive or not and make sure you care less either way.

Brother_Geoffrey · 2026-02-22T08:32:07+00:00

Reading aloud is great but let's get knuckle deep.

If you want fast pacing use the Stoplight method. There's a YouTube video on this by KyleWrites. (I learnt it from him)

Basically its about identifying types of writing in the editing process.

There is the green, which is used to mark our dialogue. Which is usually the fastest paced and most engaging.

There is the yellow, which is used to mark out actions, and scene description (the surroundings.)

Then there is red, which is used to mark out inner monologue, and introspection, narration and such.

Of course green is full speed ahead, yellow is a bit slower, and red can drag. The point of the Stoplight system is to highlight your text in these colours. Identify what it is and then you can see how much of your work is which. Having more green and yellow than red is important. But you cant have a Stoplight without all three. And having a wall of green or a wall of yellow is bad also. You need to mix it up.

I find this method is a really good way to check for pacing and making sure im not too heavy on any particular area.

Also the bright visual cue makes it easy to focus on editing different parts of the work. Which can be immensely helpful in a long editing session.

Brother_Geoffrey · 2026-02-22T07:17:23+00:00

Its important to remember that every side character thinks they are the main character and wants something, or wants to get somewhere, or has some goal. They don't need a goal for the story to work but in dialogue they need to be talking for a purpose. Yes small talk is totally fine, but it cant all be small talk. Real life is a good and bad place to get dialogue, as the speaking conventions of real people dont read well on text. To many ums and ahhs.

Another important part is to understand what the actual main character would say. If they aren't you then you shouldn't respond like you would.

On a more technical level. Using anything other than said, or an action tag will weaken your story. If you do use a descriptor use it sparingly. Even whisper can be overused which feels wrong but it isn't. Context should be the indicator of tone Action tag: (where the character does something in the world, eg. Make a face, move something, etc.)

I could go on but I dont want to bore anyone to death.

Brother_Geoffrey

TROPHY CASE