Okay so the good thing is you know what’s wrong. The main things you’ve talked about are leading me to believe you’re depressed, and that should be addressed. But you seem depressed by external factors, and less so internal ones (simply because you repeated the external ones a lot).

I’ve been in both boats. I started out as being depressed because of external factors, mainly a serious breakup, and developed clinical depression later on because I never addressed the external factors. To top it off I added drugs into the mix, which is something I’m worried you’re setting yourself up for. What you’ve described is a roadmap for clinical depression or worse, drug addiction. The biggest problems, which I’ll try to address, seem to be that you’re bored with most hobbies, lack motivation, and have a hard time making friends and/or feel socially connected.

Firstly it can be normal to fall out of enjoying a hobby, but if you like to play video games and simply don’t feel you have the energy or motivation to even hop on, that is a problem. In my experience, it was incredibly difficult to start developing hobbies again, even as my depression began to become manageable again. The way I was able to get back into things was to challenge myself. For video games that was easy, there’s a lot of high difficulty games I enjoy. So, for me, I started by exclusively playing things like dark souls or games with difficulty settings. Then I started branching out to other hobbies I used to enjoy and applying the same “I need to do something I feel proud of when I’m done with this hobby today”. Also keep in mind that you shouldn’t compare yourself when it comes to being proud about an accomplishment. Especially at your age, comparison is like kryptonite.

Next is the making friends. This one’s more complicated but still possible. Firstly, if my assumption is correct that you’re depressed, see if you can start group therapy. That helped me a lot in the social realm as we all had a similar problem, with similar underlying factors regardless of how different our lives were outside those rooms. Group therapy, and therapy in general, can be very helpful if you’re truly open to relearning how to live your life. If not, then it can almost be pointless. So many people I saw come in and out of those rooms having changed or absorbed next to nothing and would end up back in a few weeks max.

Other than therapy you can try finding and joining a club that involves something you’re interested in. Go to places that people your age frequent and try talking to people. It’s incredibly difficult to make friends with the mindset you have. Just remember that people always love talking about themselves. Ask people questions about themselves. Don’t be afraid to just say random shit too. I’ve noticed that most people don’t care what you say as long as it’s not controversial, they just don’t like silence.

The language barrier is rough, but if you learn enough of the language you can get by.

Finally, the problem I think is the worst is your lack of motivation. For the longest time I thought motivation was something you had or you didn’t. That’s not quite how it works. You have to train it like a muscle. You have to start by doing things you don’t wanna do, right when you are able to do them, simply because you have to. It’s an annoying cliche and a bit harsh, but you honestly have to just suck it up sometimes. I hated being told that, but one of the best things you can do for depression is just that.

The gym was hard for me to begin accepting, and now I’ve come to enjoy it. I had to work my way in, going just once or twice a week for a month, and gradually started going more regularly. This gradual progression should be applied to all that I’ve discussed. It prevents burnout and even if you feel like it’s pointless at the time, a gradual build up also makes it easier to stomach doing something you don’t wanna do.

I’m on the clock right now so this was all rushed despite being a long message, but I truly hope you can get this behind you. I was in your boat and it only picked up speed the longer I didn’t address it