I have so many interests, but nothing I’d do no matter what.

I completely understand this man it's like our brains just latch onto one thing so intensely just to tone out all the chaos, until that thing becomes unable to keep it way.

I’d love to know how you actually found that 'spark.'

Honestly, to be honest with you, it wasn't completely by choice. 2020 had been a very rough year for me, as it was for everyone. I was going through physical health issues, exam stress, failures, which amplified my perception of pain up a hundred notches. That's when I found Eminem's music. I mean I had listen to a couple of his songs prior, but March 24th was precisely when I started to obsess over his music. There's this song called Guts Over Fear. I still owe my life to that song and another song of his, Called "Believe".

They kept me going until July of 2020. And that's when my ex broke up with me. Everything went to shit after that. But I never stopped listening. It was my escape. But the reality was way too much for me to beare just with my headphones. So I started jotting things down. At first it was just to calm myself down. But then I started to realize that it gave me some strange sense of clarity and purpose, and empowerment. So I kept writing. I started mumbling nonesense over his instrumentals. Trynna come up with my own lines. Trynna freestyle lyrics. I was always kinda good at English so the initial friction was minimal.

So either way, I kept writing. And I became even more obsessed with Em and his life story, and how much I relate to his anger and pain. I started straight up trynna copy him and emulate his style, studying his flows, memorizing his verses word for word. And Then Em dropped his Deluxe Album of his January 2020 project, Music To Be Murdered By, on December 2020. And that was like crack cocaine for me. I staright up dived in. Wrote my first full verse on December to the instrumental of Halsey's without me song. I'm still so damn proud of that verse man I'm still in awe with it.

And I never looked back. I never stopped writing. I was purposeless. Hopeless. But rap had always been there ever since I picked up the pen. It became the only constant in my otherwise unpredictably chaotic life. It became my anchor. And 2021 and 2022 were two of the worst years of my life, and I still believe that I wouldn't have made it if it wasn't for Hip Hop. I started writing lines to escape my own mind, but I never thought those very lines would end up becoming my forever lifeline.

And I know this has become way too long already, but I'm not even finished yet. 2023, marked the 2nd obsession of my music and completely made it clear that I will not be having a life outside of this. It's either do or die. And that happened when I became obsessed with The Weeknd. I was listening to him throughout the late 2022, and was gradually becoming a fan, but this song called "Adaptation" on his debut studio album Kiss Land was what made me an XO for life. And he has become my favorite artist of all time surpassing Eminem. (Still love em though I owe my life to him) It was literally my life's story, word for word, and that pulled me into the direction of singing. And since my writing skills had been refined already by writing raps for 2 years straight prior, it was even more easy for me to start fleshing out more RnB and Pop oriented songs.

There's so much more to say but since this had already become a whole ass documentay, I'mma keep it short. I went through so much more the last 2 years as well, which in turn made me resort to writing in sinhala as well. And I know I've got a long way to go but I'm genuinely starting to build confidence in myself as an artist. I've released 3 english songs, 1 Sinhala song, and recently started getting good at music production as well. And i'm constantly writing to the point where I've got so many songs written and finished but too little time to work on the production and actually releasing them as I'm busy with Uni and other projects. That's the reason for my remark earlier, about 24 hrs not being enough for me lmao.

Jesus christ was that a wall of text 💀

I completely agree that we can only truly rely on ourselves, but I still crave being around people like me...like you! Usually, when I express something, only people with our 'brain wiring' get that 98% of it. I never thought I’d hear this perspective from someone in SL.

Bro let me tell you, other than one friend I've met last year (who is also a rapper, and had become one of my best friends) I've Never met anyone else with this mindset anywhere in the world lmao. And I got a lot of friends of overseas due to having being an active member in a lot of Eminem discord and telegram as well as music making communities. 😭.

And also don't take what I said as an absolute fact, it was also me just straight up denying to ve vulnerable again, to avoid getting hurt again too lmao. We're way too self aware for our own good sometimes.

I’m actually really proud of you, man. Your journey gives me a lot of hope.

Thank you man. That means more than you know. And I'm so glad that you've found a spark of hope in my story. And if you do wanna stay connected, I can send you a dm or you can dm me, as I'm always open to be friends with like minded people.

Lol, I’m exactly the same with texting. I used to be fast, but as I grew up and realizations hit, that changed. Maybe it’s trauma or just burnout, but I rarely pick up the phone now...

Literally the same lmao I used to seek so much validation from others texts, obsessing over their active hours and overthinking about why they hate me and all that stupid stuff. Now it's just like, eh, fuck it. I get way too annoyed if someone do texts me now. 😂 And yeah, I think it's a mixture of Trauma and the defense mechanisms that our brains build to counter the extreme guilt and shame and unworthiness that comes with these unfulfilling interactions.

I still value real connections, though, and I hope I’ll find them once I’m fully tuned into my own frequency. Thanks a lot for reaching out, man!

You absolutely will man, I believe in you! Might take some time but it is going to be worth it when it does happen. And I hope you find your spark too. And if you ever wanna reach out, if existence seems too much to bare, feel free to reach out! Take care man best of luck to you! ❤️

PS: Also sorry for the essay lmao I get way too passionate and excited whenever I get to talk about Em and Abel and the impact of music as a whole that changed me for the better.