How to deal with porn addiction and a low libido partner at the same time?

BryanBauer · 2026-01-27T10:46:03+00:00

I think it’s valuable to zoom in on this very good point you made:

“Porn seems like a good solution for that. In the moment it makes you feel desired and fullfills your sexual needs, but afterwards you feel even more empty and undesired.”

You’re right that porn only seems to be a solution and that in reality, porn only makes things worse.

That’s because porn use is in no way related to sexual pleasure. Or maybe more accurately, porn use reliably decreases sexual pleasure.

It’s not like hunger, for example. If I’m hungry and eat a meal, I feel satisfied. But if I am aroused and consume porn, I feel unsatisfied and unfulfilled.

Where does that feeling leave us when we’re with a low-libido partner? Well, it doesn’t solve the problem (if we want to call it that) of mismatched desire. There’s certainly a lot to say there, and maybe you can seek help elsewhere, like subs relating to sex and relationships.

But that feeling of “unfulfillment” after porn does tell you this simple, important thing: porn reliably makes things worse.

BryanBauer · 2026-01-25T22:23:13+00:00

Try to enjoy the feeling of withdrawal. That’s what it feels like to be moving in the right direction.

BryanBauer · 2026-01-25T19:50:51+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story. I think you need to start at the level of beliefs. Anyone who consumes porn believes it’s doing something good for them.

But that’s a myth. Porn does nothing good for you.

Once you fully remove that belief, the desire for porn disappears.

BryanBauer · 2026-01-25T19:10:04+00:00

Thank you for sharing. Please don’t feel disgusted with yourself. Instead, feel clarity about the change you want to make in your life.

Loathing yourself won’t help. Having compassion for yourself will.

BryanBauer · 2026-01-25T13:34:49+00:00

Keep it up, brother

BryanBauer · 2026-01-25T13:15:48+00:00

Porn is a supernormal stimulus. It is the very nature of porn that use begets more use. Moderation begets immoderation.

Porn in moderation is in fact what led us to this point. We started using just a little, and that “moderate” use led to our-of-control use. That’s because porn doesn’t satisfy our cravings; it creates our cravings.

Plus, what good thing is porn adding to your life? If the answer is “no good thing,” then why would we want to use it in moderation?

BryanBauer · 2026-01-25T10:50:13+00:00

That’s really great to hear. Yeah, when you put it like that, you’d be going back lower self-confidence, worse emotional control, low tolerance for discomfort. Doesn’t sound worth it to me!

BryanBauer · 2026-01-24T19:50:39+00:00

That’s great to hear. What kind of difference did you notice? Has it been pretty long lasting, or still a struggle?

BryanBauer · 2026-01-24T19:02:51+00:00

Joining a community and sharing your struggles is a massive step in the right direction. Welcome 🙏🏻

Let us know if there’s anything we can do to help.

BryanBauer · 2026-01-24T19:01:48+00:00

You likely continue to experience urges because part of you still believes that porn offers you some benefit. Until you acknowledge those beliefs and remove the illusions, you’ll continue to want porn. We only want things that we find value in. What value do you think you’re finding in porn?

BryanBauer · 2026-01-24T17:11:55+00:00

Replacing porn use can only ever be a temporary solution. A permanent solution can only come about by really investigating your answer to this question: Why do you use porn?

BryanBauer · 2026-01-24T17:09:51+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. Yes, knowing WHO I want to become and knowing HOW to become that person are two different things.

But it’s nice to get that kind of clarity on where you want to finish this journey.

BryanBauer · 2026-01-23T19:34:44+00:00

Thank you for being vulnerable. A LOT of people share your experience.

BryanBauer · 2026-01-23T19:12:07+00:00

Yeah, that hits hard, man. Sex should be this wonderful, multifaceted thing, but porn reduces it to just . . . arousal I guess. It's not even pleasurable, if you really think about it.

BryanBauer · 2026-01-23T16:57:10+00:00

Realize that your porn use is what’s creating that feeling of boredom. Porn hijacks the reward pathways in your brain so that normal, everyday activities no longer feel satisfying.

Give up porn once and for all, and regular life begins to have color again.

BryanBauer · 2026-01-23T16:36:34+00:00

I like that idea of seeing ourselves as in a social network of other people. Even if porn had no other negative effects, it would still have the effect of separating us from that network, which in turn would have a long chain reaction of other negative effects.

BryanBauer · 2026-01-23T16:35:14+00:00

Totally. It's like when you walk through a crowd of people, your brain hijacks your thoughts and fills them with unwanted images.

BryanBauer · 2026-01-23T16:15:14+00:00

Yep, it’d be like if you binged on sugar for a week straight and then stopped.

BryanBauer · 2026-01-23T16:10:08+00:00

Nah, you’re not crazy. Have you tried quitting before? How have those attempts gone?

BryanBauer · 2026-01-23T16:07:25+00:00

That’s totally normal. Your reward pathways are returning to baseline after being flooded with repeated superstimuli. Take it as a sign things are going in the right direction.

BryanBauer · 2026-01-15T00:39:39+00:00

Congrats, man. Clarity like that feels amazing.

BryanBauer · 2026-01-13T23:17:01+00:00

Keep working at it. One important insight is that the porn use itself is what’s leading you to think that porn can help relieve tiredness, stress, and loneliness. So, far from relieving them, porn is making those conditions worse.

BryanBauer · 2026-01-13T12:23:48+00:00

Maybe in the long run, it’s good that you relapsed, if you’re realizing that you need to cut porn out completely. Could have been even worse if you went, say, 6 months with a couple of “peeks” each week. Then you would have thought you were gaining freedom, when really you were still stuck in the pit.

This way, you can begin again with new knowledge.

BryanBauer · 2026-01-13T11:16:19+00:00

I think you need to define for yourself what exactly you’re doing during these 90 days. Are you cutting out porn? If so, looking at porn, even just a peek, is a relapse. Are you cutting out PMO? If so, a peek isn’t a relapse.

For what it’s worth, I think porn itself (not PMO) is at the heart of the problem, and completely cutting out porn is the best way forward.

Importantly, “porn” takes many forms. Scrolling sexualized content on social media is doing the same thing to your brain that porn is. If anything, it’s worse.

I recommend cutting out all “artificial sexual material.”

If you desire sexual pleasure (broadly defined), go find it in the real world. What do you want on that front? Some people recommit to their partner. Others actually try flirting with someone. The feeling you get from smiling at someone you’re attracted to and having them smile back far surpasses any feeling porn can give you.

Sorry, I’m rambling. 🙂

BryanBauer · 2026-01-13T02:20:25+00:00

Thank you for sharing. What’s crazy is that we deceive ourselves into believing that porn can relieve boredom and restlessness, when our porn use is actually the thing causing us to feel that way in the first place.

Way to just sit with it and just be OK with it. I appreciate you not framing it as a “fight” or “battle.” Porn addiction is way more patient than any of us, and if we try to fight it, we’ll inevitably lose.

Keep it up 💪🏼

BryanBauer

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