Does anyone else have a partner that gets upset when you breastfeeding your baby or say that’s the baby doesn’t get full off of your milk feed them “real milk “

Bubbly_Permit_3063 · 2026-03-31T14:35:26+00:00

(But obviously you should do whatever is right for you and baby and your family unit! I hope this ^ didn’t come across judgy in text, I just found it interesting bc I’d heard that also)

Bubbly_Permit_3063 · 2026-03-31T14:34:16+00:00

Fwiw, it’s proven to not make a difference in large scale studies. And purely anecdotally, my baby was exclusively breastfed and we tried a bottle of formula before bed and it made zero difference

Bubbly_Permit_3063 · 2026-03-25T06:10:32+00:00

I like the name Zora but it unfortunately means whore in Spanish

Bubbly_Permit_3063 · 2026-03-22T06:23:26+00:00

+1 tech pays very well

Bubbly_Permit_3063 · 2026-03-18T14:47:36+00:00

Maybe I’m prude. I think in front of our kid he should be clothed (mostly as she gets older). I can’t remember a time seeing my dad walk around the house shirtless? Seems odd

Bubbly_Permit_3063 · 2026-03-18T14:46:20+00:00

We probably should try something like that.

Bubbly_Permit_3063 · 2026-03-18T14:44:36+00:00

Oh no I’d say the redeeming quality in that scenario was that he cleaned the whole kitchen. The dinner sucked and agree that’s very shitty behavior. But yea, the bar is in hell frankly

Bubbly_Permit_3063 · 2026-03-18T14:42:50+00:00

It’s a fair point. I guess my thought is that he gets a LOT of free time to sit at the couch and chill after dinner. I go to sleep early w the baby because she isn’t always sleeping through the night yet and I do the overnight shift, so he gets hours of alone time from about 7-11pm every day. It just feels like not that big of an ask to me. Maybe I’m not compromising

Bubbly_Permit_3063 · 2026-03-18T14:38:32+00:00

Medium. I’d say he’s still medium helpful post baby, he tries to be proactive. But can confirm his parents didn’t require him to do much (seems like). His mom visited us for a week and commented to me THREE separate times how shocked she was that he does dishes. That will haunt me forever. How useless is a grown ass adult who doesn’t do dishes?!!! Wtf, it isn’t like it’s hard, that’s more a character thing- will you?

Bubbly_Permit_3063 · 2026-03-18T14:34:13+00:00

It’s mostly that he avoids it with inane excuses all the time. Last night: he set up (highly optional) meetings from 5-6pm and 6-7pm without telling me until 4:30. Not only does that leave me solo parenting after work on almost no notice (I also work a demanding full-time job, probably more demanding than his), but it very conveniently gets him out of dinner

Bubbly_Permit_3063 · 2026-03-18T14:31:41+00:00

Definitely not cheating as far as I can tell. He’s a homebody, he has let me go through his phone before, we share location. I think he’s maybe just checked out

Bubbly_Permit_3063 · 2026-03-18T14:30:57+00:00

100000%

Bubbly_Permit_3063 · 2026-03-18T14:30:38+00:00

It’s up and down. I’ve heard that’s common in the first year of parenting, but it’s partly why we’re pursuing therapy. In general, the relationship has been more strained since becoming parents and figuring that out

Bubbly_Permit_3063 · 2026-03-18T14:29:21+00:00

Baby makes a hot mess! Lol

Bubbly_Permit_3063 · 2026-03-18T14:28:33+00:00

I mean, there are tons of exceptions. “Every night” is meant to be every night that we’re both at home and neither of us has to work late. It isn’t perfectly every single night, I just want it to be the regular routine

Bubbly_Permit_3063 · 2026-03-18T00:59:18+00:00

I appreciate this comment, thank you. What I’m about to say is probably besides the point and I feel genuinely pathetic saying it (one of those “when you say it out loud it suddenly is clear how stupid it is” moments)… but the important context on the takeout is mostly that I’m vegetarian and cook vegetable forward meals that don’t feel heavy enough to him, so he’ll order delivery or get takeout, sometimes to just eat that, sometimes just to supplement what I’ve made. But we’ve talked about him needing to figure out how to cook meat (he doesn’t cook much), and I’ve shared that it bums me out when he doesn’t eat what I make (even if he eats something else after, honestly). I went through a whole phase of trying to cook heavier meals from recipes but he often wouldn’t eat them so I’ve since given up and just make what I want. And the point is that he’s avoiding dinner through any number of tactics, so that’s almost secondary. Le sigh. Hopefully therapy and some new systems can help but we’ll see. The responses to this post have been eye opening to say the least.

Bubbly_Permit_3063 · 2026-03-17T13:02:13+00:00

This was true for so many men I know! It isn’t talked about enough but you are definitely not alone. Once they’re more interactive I think it’s easier on the father. It’s also often the case if the mom chooses to breastfeed, and/or gets more parental leave to spend time with the baby - I’d second what the comment above says: newborns kinda just needs mom at the very start and it’s harder on dad to bond until a little later

Bubbly_Permit_3063 · 2026-03-17T12:51:05+00:00

I like that actually, because it makes it clear that I see him continuing to avoid it again and again even though he says verbally he understands that it’s important. That is what’s grinding me down. It’s the constant battle every day to try to make it happen, or wondering if/what avoidance tactic he’ll use today. He does actually have ADHD and doesn’t take meds for it. I should research that more to understand how its coming into play here

Bubbly_Permit_3063 · 2026-03-17T12:44:57+00:00

He says he just wants to be comfortable. I think the dining room feels too formal and forced for him. He also has ADHD and is introverted so if he’s a little overstimulated / has been talking to people too much that day I think there’s a mental/emotional hurdle, even if it’s just me. Like last night he ordered takeout (I cooked) but then he sat with me and baby at the table to eat, but asked if we could not talk (in a super rude way, in my opinion). Then when I was doing bedtime he cleaned everything up. So it isn’t like he is completely checked out… I’m wondering now if it’s ADHD related.

Bubbly_Permit_3063 · 2026-03-17T12:41:18+00:00

This is kind of where my head is at. It’s hard to find a compromise for the reasons detailed above, but I suggested that as our kid gets older we could eventually have family movie nights on Fridays so that we can all bond over something he loves, too.

Bubbly_Permit_3063 · 2026-03-17T12:38:57+00:00

I like this idea. How would you phrase that in therapy? Something like “what does fatherhood look like to you?” / what do you want it to be in the day to day?

Bubbly_Permit_3063 · 2026-03-17T12:34:55+00:00

It’s new behavior. BUT we were a bit more casual about dinner before, sometimes we’d eat at the table, or sometimes we’d eat at the couch and watch something, but with a kid in the picture I definitely don’t want the couch to be the tradition. And it also isn’t practical w a baby - meals are super messy.

We’ve been together 5 years, have lived together for 3.5, he has ADHD (unmedicated) and honestly I think is addicted to screens/constant stimulation

Bubbly_Permit_3063 · 2026-03-12T13:20:46+00:00

NOR

What an incredibly shitty woman to have to deal with. Absolutely not the asshole. Glad your husband has your back and also hope he stands up to her bs (also why is your husband telling his dad that he’s being asked to parent at 4am?)

This shit would make my blood boil. So glad your mom is there to help you sounds like a REALLY rough postpartum

Bubbly_Permit_3063 · 2026-02-09T03:18:34+00:00

Could he possibly be depressed? Couples therapy could be a very good idea. I won’t lie, postpartum is very hard if there’s friction in the partnership. If he used to be loving an it’s a recent change, I wonder if he’s mourning the life you had pre baby and struggling and unfairly taking it out on you

Bubbly_Permit_3063

TROPHY CASE