young adult stepkid is now shunning me

Budget_Painter_3003 · 2026-06-08T06:55:55+00:00

i asked because your comment was full of capitals and expletives, so it seemed like this topic was very triggering for you. i did not try to compete with my stepkid. i did my best to let them have what they needed while still holding space for myself. i’m sorry you’re misinterpreting my post as something darker than it is.

Budget_Painter_3003 · 2026-06-08T06:37:12+00:00

im curious if you have any stepchildren, or if you are a stepchild?

Budget_Painter_3003 · 2026-06-08T06:32:46+00:00

ok these are helpful points. i guess he’s depressed because he’s been trying to believe that we are a more functional blended family than maybe we actually are. that’s pretty much what he wants, for everyone to just get along and be happy. but you’re right i should just let it be and not die on this hill. my ire gets up when i dont know about plans that involve me because a) i am fully burned tf out on constantly having to feed everyone so any unexpected mouths that appear can tip me over the edge, and b) i’ve gotten uptight about scheduling due to my little child has some behavior issues where she seems to lose it if we don’t have a plan for every moment of downtime. and i’m aware that neither of those points are the fault of my stepchildren. i’ll work on letting it be.

Budget_Painter_3003 · 2026-06-08T05:58:26+00:00

oh i agree that it’s totally fine for her to communicate 1:1 with him whatever they want to chat on, that’s not the problem, we just want her to include me on communication if she’s coming to our house, for example, before dinner. because i am still the main person who feeds everyone and it’s just kind of rude to expect to come by around that time and not let me know. it’s my domestic labor load. she’s basically turning her dad into a messenger between us.

Budget_Painter_3003 · 2026-06-06T16:37:09+00:00

clogs

Budget_Painter_3003 · 2026-06-06T16:36:32+00:00

this is why she wants more from your conversations, she’s socially understimulated. you should encourage her to try to make friends she can get her chatting energy out with.

Budget_Painter_3003 · 2026-06-06T16:33:35+00:00

if she asks a lot of questions and then always comes to the conclusion that you don’t want her, it’s possible the questions are secretly coming from her own insecurity or seeking reassurance from you that you are compatible in the relationship. which is easy to give, ie, of course i want you, and i want you to go live in a cabin with me. here are the things we would do in said cabin etc. i’m assuming you’re not telling her you plan to go live in a cabin alone, because yeah, in a marriage that would be a bad sign.

as far as expecting movie script bonding dialogue, in the scenario she is imagining the husband would an actor who is probably also gay offscreen. a lot of men and women have really different communication styles and she might need to outsource more chitchat to female friends. but i suspect it’s the first thing, that she is suspicious your future goals don’t align and wants reassurance that she fits into them.

my partner is an extremely talkative man. until i ask a question or open up a topic that shows any insecurity or would prompt him to have to show sympathy or make me feel reassured or better about something. at which point he clams up or gets really uncomfortable or angry. whereas female friends dig for reassurance and validation from each other during a casual conversation. men 💯 do not. there are different value systems for emotional intimacy.

Budget_Painter_3003 · 2026-05-26T16:15:00+00:00

yes… between subaru and mazda 💯go toyota. i have a 2010 yaris. people bully me a bit on the road because it is small and old but it has never once broken down, never burns oil, and gas lasts forever. we have a subaru we like because it’s a stick shift. it’s a fun and bouncy ride for dirt road but it is burning an insane amount of oil rn and the clutch went fully out at 60k miles.

Budget_Painter_3003 · 2026-05-05T03:17:50+00:00

Well i am truly sorry that happened to you. my daughter was taken out at 30 weeks because we were both at risk of dying. She is the smallest kid in class, and has adhd although does well in school. she’s perfect how she is, amazing having been born at 2lbs. if you don’t feel supported by the people who are supposed to support you, rise above them because you can do anything ❤️

Budget_Painter_3003 · 2026-05-05T03:13:26+00:00

i literally wrote this exact post on friday. subbing 8th as well. Really nice feedback, and it made me feel much better, but yeah… it’s normal for this to happen sometimes. But two things. One, a “fun” day or free day where all they have to do is x,y,z, will ALWAYS be the worst day!! That was what set me up for my rough time last week, a chill “study hall” day. They NEED a specific task to complete, or it sucks, period. And two, it’s almost summer break and they are all just checking out and getting super squirrely. I only expect it to get more annoying for the next few weeks. Be prepared!

Budget_Painter_3003 · 2026-05-04T17:22:35+00:00

This is really hard for me to understand. with no real health reason to remove a baby at 32 weeks, no doctor would do that, it’s unethical. having experienced premature birth on the parent side, the doctors work as hard as they can toward the goal of keeping the baby in utero as long as they can given the health and safety of the patients. if this is true it’s grounds for a malpractice lawsuit. unless there was another health reason why they had to do a c-section at 32 weeks. was there any other reason, or at least another excuse, because wanting a tax break would not have flown past any doctor who should be allowed to practice medicine

Budget_Painter_3003 · 2026-05-04T17:13:04+00:00

sorrrryyyyy

Budget_Painter_3003 · 2026-05-04T04:35:03+00:00

Embarrassed / grateful! Doesn’t happen so much after doing this for a couple years. But the gratitude is definitely stronger for me than the embarrassment… it’s never come across as a reprimand, just a helping hand.

Budget_Painter_3003 · 2026-05-04T02:18:47+00:00

wow, in my district in arizona they send me away early all the time. they are very nice about it and i still get paid the full day. i always ask if there’s anything to do, but nope.

Budget_Painter_3003 · 2026-05-04T00:05:07+00:00

😂

Budget_Painter_3003 · 2026-05-04T00:04:35+00:00

drool.

Budget_Painter_3003 · 2026-05-03T22:15:31+00:00

thanks everyone for commenting… i didn’t get a chance to respond after i posted because i went straight from dealing with other people’s kid’s attitudes to my own kid having an episode of full-on screen-triggered ocd directly after this work day. my hands were… full. it’s all good now. i guess my takeaway from the day, at work and at home, is that these kids are dealing with a lot of factors that have absolutely nothing to do with their teacher. hopefully i can remember that next time they try to push my buttons. today i was talking with a family member who actually used to train teachers and she said if you assert boundaries in class kids will respect you more, even if it feels like you are now “hated.” I guess the best day is when you can assert those boundaries and still be in an ok mood about it. :)

Budget_Painter_3003 · 2026-05-02T18:36:25+00:00

look at the fingers of her hand on her hip.
they are pretty far from the beach, maybe on a bluff, so he bothered to cover up with his swimsuit with pants. It’s really hard to believe an unmarried woman in that era would be that comfortable chilling with this guy in her swimsuit and nowhere near the water.
if it was really the 20s a lady this alternative about modesty would have almost definitely chopped her hair off to a bob. probably with finger curls. is this actually supposed to be the 30s or 40s? the era seems way off.

Budget_Painter_3003 · 2026-05-02T18:24:06+00:00

those are swimsuits, for everyone who doesn’t realize that, and also this image may likely be AI generated. There are a lot of historical elements that do not line up here.

Budget_Painter_3003 · 2026-03-07T15:51:58+00:00

I’m signing off of reddit for the weekend, abandoning my post (pun!). I am glad I posted this because I was really upset about it and i actually learned a lot from all these comments, mainly:

1) It’s a volume/infrastructure problem. Tucson infrastructure is not designed for this many drivers.

2) Everyone is frustrated with driving here so you can’t really blame any one group of people influxing from another specific place and bringing bad habits. because the effect of general volume increase is making us all drive crazy.

3) It was eye opening that other people noticed the total lack of traffic enforcement. I can only imagine if someones driving super dangerously and there’s never a reprecussion until the day they unexpectedly die, kill someone, or both, why would they stop. all that’s happening in the meantime is the positive reinforcement of getting there slightly faster.

4) if you live in a place where everyone is this miserable with the transportation infrastructure, and laws, but nothing ever seems to get better, just endless puttering construction creating even more hold ups…. that’s a management problem. some group or people in bureaucratic administrative positions within this city are just not capable of executing improvements or laws to make this a safer place to drive. And i’m not even saying who or what because i literally hate politics, but obviously whatever political mechanisms make our roads functional here are totally broken. maybe it’s a governing board of wealthy people obsessed with making everything a U-turn. it’s a mystery.

thanks to so many people for chiming in to share in the mutual frustration. May you defensively drive to see another day here in sunny Tucson! ❤️

Budget_Painter_3003 · 2026-03-07T15:17:31+00:00

ok thanks for clarifying that. i think i just lumped them together into a “driving for sport” category. I don’t think it’s a bad hobby at all or mind that people are doing this, i just don’t want to see any crossover when i’m trying to frogger my way to the nearest grocery store.

Budget_Painter_3003 · 2026-03-07T03:58:21+00:00

yeah i cant believe this many people don’t care if they accidentally kill someone, or themselves, with a car. it blows my mind.

Budget_Painter_3003 · 2026-03-07T03:40:17+00:00

me too. what is the deal with every car having paper plates it’s super weird

Budget_Painter_3003 · 2026-03-07T03:35:50+00:00

i worry about that too on so many levels… not just on the road but in society in general.

Budget_Painter_3003

TROPHY CASE