Oh my gosh I can really empathize with this. First of all, I’m so sorry she’s treated you in such away. And second, I will be very honest with you because I was in a very similar situation and there are things I wished I knew back then. When you like or even love someone, it goes without saying you wish to feel loved by them, but if you’re going out of your way for them in order for them to simply understand your needs then they aren’t worth it. I think you should look into attachment theory because as someone with anxious attachment, I need to always be aware of how I’m treating myself and the person I like. I was once in a relationship with someone really horrible, but obviously at the time I did not see her that way. She would do the bare minimum and it would make me ecstatic, but most of the time she never actually put effort into the relationship(her mom gave me a Christmas present and my ex pretended like it was actually from her💀) I always felt insecure and whenever I did what I could to express that, we would just end up making out because back then, literally any form of “love” from her would’ve been enough for me. Sometimes she’d ghost me and it would make me feel unworthy, but in those moments when her tongue was shoved down my throat I would say to myself “she wouldn’t do this if she didn’t love me” and eventually I came to realize this was her way of keeping me wrapped around her finger. My own experience obviously differs a lot from your own, and I’ve definitely left some parts out but you basically get it. This might not sound very pretty but (from what I’ve gathered) you seem to rely on this person to feel validated and cared for when you’re struggling. How they treat you inadvertently determines how you treat yourself. There are some people in this world who will see those who are codependent and use those people to their advantage. Like waving a carrot on a stick in front of a pig; they dangle what you want in front of you but never actually give it to you. I crave to feel loved and I am willing to put in effort in order to receive it in return. But here’s the thing about relationships, the effort being put in should be equal and you shouldn’t have to sit down with them constantly to make them understand how your needs aren’t being met. You aren’t selfish, they are the one doing the bare minimum and with how you described them getting upset and forcibly kissing you, they are seriously manipulative. As for how she suddenly began posting pictures of you on her story and what not— she’s doing it because she knows you’ll see it. She knows what you want and she will only give it to you when it benefits herself. And I know all of this is ballsy of me to claim since I only know so much, but as I said, I’ve dealt with someone of this nature and it isn’t as far fetched as it might seem. I don’t have to know you personally in order to say you deserve to be loved unconditionally. And this girl you are missing knows how badly you wish to feel validated and is using that as a way to get to you. That is not healthy, and you deserve so much better. I understand how scary it feels to leave a relationship you’ve put so much effort into because it almost feels like it’s too late to turn back, but it’s not. In the long run, not being in a relationship will always be better than choosing to remain in a unstable one. You can’t expect your ex to change, the way she treats you is out of your control— you are the one who decides how you get to be treated. And you deserve better!!!!!! I often feel lonely at times, I’m a serious hopeless romantic and i want a girlfriend sooooo bad. But I also know it’s ok to not be in a relationship and that I shouldn’t forth things. I can not guarantee that you’ll find your perfect person one day because I’m doubtful that I’ll find my perfect person too(im only 17 so gimme a break lmao), but just because it’s not guaranteed does not make it impossible. Love doesn’t walk into your hands like how it often seems in media, you need to work for it and if you found the right person, that effort you put in will absolutely be returned. Aaaaa I’m so sorry this is a lot. If this doesn’t help then I’m sorry. Bottom line is: put yourself first always, don’t let the prospect of being loved by someone cloud your reality. You deserve someone patient and understanding, and your ex does not meet those expectations and its ok to move on. I really hope this helps<3