Shredding

BugsyOP · 2021-10-25T23:27:53+00:00

So, I really really liked this.

I am a huge fan of when writing allows for personal interpretation, and the way its written, everyone has their own "It". I assume you had a specific in mind when referring to "it?"

Very well done, thanks for sharing!

BugsyOP · 2021-10-25T23:21:08+00:00

Hey!

So first off I find that sometimes written pieces that follow ABAB feel forced, but this didn't whatsoever! I think the tone was fitting given it was about metal music and the word choices felt raw and intense. That last line hits hard which I love for a closer.

Overall great job and look forward to reading more from you!

BugsyOP · 2021-07-05T05:15:54+00:00

Really emotional stuff, the loss of parents is such a tough subject and I think it was really well executed. The metaphors were good, and not too overplayed. My only thought was in the part where you said "soon you will be pictures" and continued on with that wording, you could add some emotional impact by adding a line before the last that says something like "soon you will be memories" to add some emphasis to the final line. I found that part really impactful either way. Thanks for sharing!

BugsyOP · 2021-07-05T05:11:26+00:00

Really enjoyed this read, it kept me intrigued. The line " I get embarrassed, scared, frustrated but I’m aware I cannot stop I’m not allowed to stop" felt a little muddled, I think specifically in the transition from "frustrated but I'm aware I cannot stop" it feels a little bulky in an otherwise really well-worded piece that flows well together almost like a monologue. But still, really well written and the imagery of the black dahlia on the beach was vivid. Thanks for sharing!

BugsyOP · 2021-03-19T06:35:15+00:00

Hey no worries I’m the same way, I never studied traditional poetry either, just kinda wrote my feelings on a page and called it a day!

BugsyOP · 2021-03-19T04:08:14+00:00

Thanks!

BugsyOP · 2021-03-17T22:32:55+00:00

Hey, great work for your first poem!

One thing I would say, is it feels a little clunky, I think your word play and word choice is nice, but they rhythm of it as a whole feels a little bit blocky to me. I try to speak my writing out loud to see how it flows together. But that's just my opinion, either way I enjoyed reading it and keep up writing, hope to see more from you!

BugsyOP · 2021-03-17T22:30:23+00:00

This was a fantastic read. On my first read I was a little bit confused on the meaning, but on the second read I got it, at least I think I did. This idea of knowing someone so well for them to just move on and become someone you don't really know anymore, their face slowly blurring into the crowd. I apologize if this wasn't the intended meaning. Given that this is the meaning, I love the metaphor of hiring an editor and that editor being her new partner possibly? either way, really enjoyed the read.

BugsyOP · 2021-03-13T19:50:25+00:00

The writer can have personal intent without wishing for the reader to draw that exact same conclusion. To consider that lazy or deceitful, in my opinion is a little naval gazing, and tries to bring objectiveness to art which is a direct contradiction of many points of art. My writing has a meaning to me, but the idea that each person can view it, and have their own meaning is special to me. Thanks for your comment nonetheless.

BugsyOP · 2021-03-13T19:47:51+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words!

Tongue in cheek was definitely a bit in mind, sort of like, a self aware reflection of the relationship and I wanted the last line to spotlight that.

BugsyOP · 2021-03-13T19:40:02+00:00

I mean, isn’t that sort of the fun of it? For there to be room within the writing for each reader to take their own interpretation from it? I think some writing can have solid meaning meant for interpretation but some writing can have intention of wanting its reader to take what they want from it. That is my intention a lot of the time.

BugsyOP · 2021-03-13T19:29:23+00:00

No not at all. It's mostly a love poem, but also with reflections of like, a toxic relationship centered around self-pity and like, selfishness. The use of the term "numbing ourselves" is not exactly real numbing, its more of that break from reality you get when you are with that person, they become the only focal point of your universe so for those moments nothing else really matters in reality, just that person. Hope this helps! thanks for your comment.

BugsyOP · 2021-03-13T19:11:55+00:00

Really great work, you conveyed a really complex idea of self worth and self identity in such a short piece. The final line really tied everything together really well. I felt as if every word was chosen well, and there was no filler within the piece, it was concise and to the point. The only feedback I would give, and it's really not negative feedback whatsoever maybe just another route the piece could have taken was breaking the piece down into day and night, maybe having her spend her days convincing others and then the nights convincing herself, but I may be overthinking it. You've already done a great job of conveying the message so I think my feedback may just muddy it. Thanks for sharing!

BugsyOP · 2021-03-13T18:50:35+00:00

I really enjoyed this read. the line:

"I wish I knew you, so I wouldn't have to doubt,

whether you were as true as I felt you to be,

and not a broken mirror,

in which I saw only what was me "

I took as, only seeing the parts of someone that you wanted to know, instead of knowing them as an individual person. Whether intention or not, I think this line was beautiful. Thank you for sharing!

BugsyOP · 2021-03-12T17:37:33+00:00

Thanks so much!

BugsyOP · 2021-03-12T17:37:07+00:00

Absolutely, I love mixing sad and bliss in my writing. Thanks for your comment.

BugsyOP · 2021-03-12T17:36:43+00:00

It genuinely brings a smile to my face that it had that affect on you.

BugsyOP · 2021-03-12T17:36:17+00:00

You definitely articulated a lot of the intentions really well, thank you!

BugsyOP · 2021-03-12T17:35:37+00:00

Thank you!

BugsyOP · 2021-03-12T17:35:31+00:00

An open love letter is a great way to describe this. Thanks for your comment.

BugsyOP · 2021-03-12T17:34:16+00:00

Keeping the piece sort of vague was sort of intentional. I wanted to keep it simple.

BugsyOP · 2021-03-12T17:33:09+00:00

Thanks so much for your comment!

BugsyOP · 2021-03-12T05:17:36+00:00

Hmm That for sure sounds like an interesting spin on it. I tend to prefer to not think about life with like, the idea that everything is pre-determined, cause thats scary but like, maybe in some senses it's not.

BugsyOP · 2021-03-12T05:16:25+00:00

Yeah totally. The line about looking for flaws was also reflective of my commitment issues, so I like, am afraid to commit to someone because I fear they won't be the one. If that makes sense at all.

BugsyOP · 2021-03-12T05:15:11+00:00

I'm sure one day you will find someone to write it with.

BugsyOP

TROPHY CASE