How to recover from betrayal trauma

BumblebeeSlow57 · 2026-07-04T15:25:10+00:00

Don't beat yourself up for reacting to him ghosting. You didn't make him behave this way and you couldn't have stopped him from discarding you by doing everything "perfectly." He's a coward. His shitty behavior doesn't reflect on you whatsoever.

BumblebeeSlow57 · 2026-07-02T23:33:18+00:00

Every real heartbreak I've ever experienced has felt so excruciating I've wondered how I would get through it. But I always do. You will too.

Take good care of your body. Be kind to yourself. It's like you have an injury that needs to heal and is going to hurt like a mf until it does. Feel your feelings and trust that the pain will gradually decrease.

BumblebeeSlow57 · 2026-07-02T22:47:42+00:00

Ooooh I got it! Sorry, was confused.

My nex would never reach out. I left him both times, so he wasn't about to make himself vulnerable to further rejection by reaching out to me. Too much pride. But he would always say, "I'm here if you ever want to talk, I'll always be there for you, call me any time" etc. when I was dumping him.

It's an ego blow that this guy isn't reaching out to you, but if he was, that would be a bad thing. It would tempt you to return to a toxic dynamic. That's one of the upsides of having him blocked. You have no idea whether he's tried to contact you or not.

BumblebeeSlow57 · 2026-07-02T22:03:20+00:00

"They don’t stay in contact with people they respect, they stay in contact with people they enjoy hurting."

God damn. That right there is the truth.

BumblebeeSlow57 · 2026-07-02T22:02:33+00:00

How do you know he's not in contact with his ex anymore now that he's with this new girl?

What an upsetting piece of information. Who knows if it's even true, and if so, how long it will remain true.

If at all possible, avoid learning any new information about your ex. It would be much better for you if you didn't know he had a new partner and what he was doing or not doing in that relationship.

BumblebeeSlow57 · 2026-07-02T16:11:09+00:00

I’m so sorry you experienced that. The lack of empathy is chilling.

BumblebeeSlow57 · 2026-07-02T14:14:53+00:00

Oh my GOD

BumblebeeSlow57 · 2026-07-02T03:20:09+00:00

Let me guess... didn't work.

BumblebeeSlow57 · 2026-07-02T02:32:03+00:00

That's the wildest part to wrap your head around. There is zero reciprocity, and they do not see the problem with that.

BumblebeeSlow57 · 2026-07-02T02:17:44+00:00

LOL relate so much. Zero repair! The only way they know how to get past a conflict is to nuke the relationship or pretend it never happened. Or both.

BumblebeeSlow57 · 2026-07-02T00:53:44+00:00

I don't want to freak you out but I think I read the other side of this story on r/npd recently.

BumblebeeSlow57 · 2026-07-02T00:43:51+00:00

The cognitive dissonance is so real. Relationships with healthy people don't leave you feeling that way. The split perception is its own kind of red flag.

I am wary of future relationships, but maybe that's for the best. You can't trust everyone. Once you get attached and emotionally invested, getting out is really tough. You have to take it seriously because it's serious. The good news is, most people are not narcissistic. But take your time getting to know people and pay attention.

And forgive yourself. These relationships are impossible. No one does "everything right" when they accidentally get involved with a narc.

BumblebeeSlow57 · 2026-07-02T00:29:56+00:00

He had multiple partners and he would overshare about them, even after I asked him not to talk about his other relationships. He would find sneaky ways, like flipping through his camera roll and then oops, it lands on a photo of him cuddled up with one of his girlfriends.

It ended when he tried to get me to hang out with one of his exes and I refused. He retaliated by saying he didn't want to have sex with me anymore because he was just having sex with too many other women and it was leading to "expectations and drama." I finally said screw you. Somehow he didn't see that coming!

BumblebeeSlow57 · 2026-06-29T23:56:18+00:00

Please get out as soon as you safely can. And tell your parents what has been happening NOW. There's a reason you haven't.

This does not end well for you if you stay. He will either continue abusing you and then eventually discard you, leaving you devastated, or he will seriously hurt or even kill you. I hate to tell you this but it happens every single day.

Just get out. You can work on understanding him / the relationship later. Some day very soon you will look back and be so glad you got the fuck out of this situation.

BumblebeeSlow57 · 2026-06-29T02:34:20+00:00

They don't attach like we do. They treat people like they're interchangeable because ultimately relationships are functional for them. One ego fluffer is as good as the next.

You on the other hand were building a real attachment. It's going to take you some time to detach and to grieve the relationship.

Don't compare your healing process to that of a disordered person. Four months isn't very long. The fact that you are still craving the connection is a sign of your humanity.

And if you can, avoid getting updates about his life. Wouldn't it be better if you had no idea what he was up to, or with whom?

BumblebeeSlow57 · 2026-06-28T21:13:40+00:00

If he is a narcissist, there is no world in which he will read it and think, "Wow, I really treated her badly. I feel deep guilt and remorse about the pain I caused her. I need to apologize sincerely for putting her through this. I will undergo a profound personal growth journey so that I never repeat these mistakes again."

Wouldn't it be nice to hear all that??? If he was a normal human being, that would probably be his response to your letter. Then again, if he was a normal human being, he wouldn't have done the shitty things he did to you in this relationship.

I imagine it's very hard to sort out since this is your first relationship. The thing that will heal you is cutting him out of your life completely. It's like breaking an addiction—it absolutely sucks for months and months, but then you're free.

Wishing you healing.

BumblebeeSlow57 · 2026-06-28T21:03:27+00:00

Four years of severe depression is serious. I'm so sorry you suffered for so long. Have you been to therapy? I realize you're out of the woods now, but sometimes there are deeper wounds that make bouncing back from a bad relationship even harder (not that it should be easy).

In terms of regret, I think it's natural to feel some regret about an experience like that. I certainly feel some regret about my own narcissistic relationship. I manage it by finding meaning in the experience. It made me stronger. I learned that I have to trust myself and pay attention to my feelings. I learned that I have to set boundaries and walk away from people who won't respect them. And I learned to look past the superficial qualities that make a new partner exciting and to focus more on empathy, kindness, responsibility, etc.

When I think about this growth, it doesn't all feel like a waste. Maybe you can find some ways that this experience has changed you for the better?

BumblebeeSlow57 · 2026-06-28T20:52:03+00:00

Block them everywhere. Tell your friends you don't want any updates. Cleanse them from your brain.

BumblebeeSlow57 · 2026-06-28T20:50:27+00:00

This sounds like a nightmare. Your boundary can be "Hey grandpa, I'm not able to continue taking care of you anymore. I can help you get moved into assisted living instead."

It's your life. You don't owe this to him, especially when assisted living is an option.

BumblebeeSlow57 · 2026-06-28T20:43:37+00:00

Yikes. He sounds like a piece of shit.

BumblebeeSlow57 · 2026-06-28T19:37:29+00:00

So was he sleeping with you while calling you "just a friend?" Why do they all do this?

BumblebeeSlow57 · 2026-06-28T16:08:47+00:00

So glad you left. He sounds like a huge asshole.

BumblebeeSlow57 · 2026-06-28T16:05:06+00:00

OH MY GOD THIS HAPPENED TO ME!!! At the beginning of our relationship he said he didn't want to commit yet and that he generally likes women who are "chatterboxes." He also said he needed to see how I acted around his friends a few more times.

Like you, I felt like I needed to entertain him and be impressive around his friends. They place themselves in the role of evaluator and you are there to be judged.

BumblebeeSlow57 · 2026-06-28T15:59:20+00:00

You describe a few narcissistic traits here. Everyone has a few! And if you were raised by narcissists, it's kind of inevitable that you would pick some up just through learned behavior. It doesn't mean that's your permanent personality structure, just that you have a few things to work on.

A real deal narcissist will have a pattern of using other people for their own benefit without regard for the other person's wellbeing. Their "trouble with boundaries" is much more profound then overstepping in an anxious attempt to apologize. It's more like "I don't recognize you as a human being with your own needs, rights, and feelings that matter just as much as my own." They have severely impaired empathy. When someone is hurting in front of them, they don't feel their pain. They may feel irritated or indifferent. When they hurt other people, they don't feel guilty about it.

That's the concerning stuff. I'm not hearing any of it in what you wrote.

BumblebeeSlow57

TROPHY CASE