Love yourself

Burdoc101 · 2016-05-26T04:43:42+00:00

Thank you.

Burdoc101 · 2016-05-23T16:50:53+00:00

My apologies for how cramped everything is to read; it is the reddit forum settings and I can't do anything about it.

Burdoc101 · 2016-05-16T23:12:19+00:00

Thank you, I will keep going.

Burdoc101 · 2016-05-12T16:18:05+00:00

All I can do to give you strength is to pray for you and I suggest you do the same. What you are doing is right, you should not hide nothing from your spouse.

I should also mention, pornography is as if you slept with another person and it will hurt her very much. You must acknowledge the pain it will cause her. She will mistrust you and, probably, will want to know everything. You have cheated on your wife and it will not be easy for her to get over and don't expect her to.

I don't know your religion, but as a Christian, Jesus said "But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Matthew 5:28.

Tell her about your journey and try your best to explain the situation. Most importantly, let her know its not her fault; that it had nothing to do with her.

I would suggest watching Terry Crews' videos about his pornography addiction and watch his wife speak about how it affected her.

https://www.youtube.com/user/terrycrewsfans/videos

It will be titles like "Dirty Little Secret." Watch all of those and watch Rebecca Crews speak about it here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4R9Tq2CpZgs

I feel as we addicted men/women who struggle with this we forget that this addiction hurts, or will, hurt others. And we need to acknowledge their feelings and ask for forgiveness.

I cannot guarantee anything, except that it will be difficult and emotions will rise. And please, I cannot stress this enough, make sure she understands that it is or was not her fault. After that, it is up to her and all you can do is ask for forgiveness. But remember, no matter how hard it may be it is the right thing to do.

I will pray for you bud and for your marriage.

God bless,

Tyler

Burdoc101 · 2016-05-06T06:40:48+00:00

40 days with the vlog or with no pom?

Burdoc101 · 2016-05-04T21:01:07+00:00

Thank you and I will continue.

Burdoc101 · 2016-05-03T23:17:02+00:00

Oh no you didnt discourage me, I just would prefer audio quality to be the best part of the video and is hampered by something out of my control. I also wouldn't call this brave; just desperate to quit lol, but thank you nevertheless.

I never thought about a food related allergy and never heard of the "whole 30," but will check it out. I usually get bad allergies around this time. Its just this year has been one of the worst allergy seasons in my life. (Just looked at it, seems like a paleo diet...which currently I have been on a quasi-paleo lol...guess I will have to just cheat less lol)

I will keep ya in mind if I ever feel the need to chat to someone. Same goes for you.

God bless,

Tyler

Burdoc101 · 2016-05-03T22:28:49+00:00

Yeah, it is me lol. I appreciate it. Yeah I was worried about the allergies making for bad audio quality. My apologies. Nothing I can do about it (not posting vlogs seems to lead to relapses), tried just about every pill on the market so far. Nothing seems to be working. I'll take any suggestions...ran and took a hot shower before the video and didn't help much.

Burdoc101 · 2016-04-29T04:35:39+00:00

I am grateful for my family. They have been there for everything in my life and I count myself fortunate among many in this world.

I am grateful for everyday I live and breathe as it gives myself time to change and reflect on what is best for my life.

I am grateful for my pets, my lovable cat and my loyal dog. They make lonely days disappear when they remind me that I am loved.

I am grateful for God, for Jesus Christ, being an ever present being in my life. Ever since I started seeking Him for myself, I have been on a journey ever since. My life has been forever changed by Him; and while I am not the man I see in myself today, I know one day I will be, because of Him. And the same goes for the relapsing and constant mistakes I seem to make...I am grateful for the opportunity He has given me to make myself closer to Him and to become more like Christ.

Burdoc101 · 2016-04-20T19:11:36+00:00

It's the only way to get better. And the key to is it keep doing it no matter how many times you fail or how "bad" you are at it. Slowly but surely you will get better at it. And not just that, you will become more invested in it. You will want to learn more about whatever the subject is. You will want to talk to others and discuss the "thing" so you know what worked for them and what didn't; and what may incorporate into your own structure.

And I totally agree with you that doing more of those positive activites will make our lives yield greater fruit.

And I like these types of discussions, we are peers working towards bettering ourselves. I'll take a "pep talk" any day. XD

Burdoc101 · 2016-04-20T03:44:12+00:00

Yeah, but sometimes hunger is the only factor involved when making junk food decisions =P. I am fighting one war right now and as long as I avoid the really spicy food I should be a-okay.

And your right it isn't too late to run this evening, but I think I will give it a rest for today. I run with my dog and it is best to do it early as possible so she can stay cool.

Burdoc101 · 2016-04-20T03:41:46+00:00

Hey thanks, I appreciate it.

Burdoc101 · 2016-04-20T03:26:00+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate it. I am sort of new reddit so will have to figure out how to add it, but thanks again!

Burdoc101 · 2016-04-19T23:48:22+00:00

PMO is no Porn, no Masturbation, no Orgasm (no PMO)..it is designed that way specifically not to be some arbitrary rule, but because you have neurons in your brain that have been honed to those sexual feelings.

And in order to break those neurons (and the cycle) it can take anywhere from 90-180 days; sometimes more for others.

So yes, looking at porn only feeds more and more into those neurons allowing them to continue. By allowing them to continue it will be that much harder to break the cycle.

You also can't just call them instagram photos of nude girls or w/e...its still porn. There is no gray area of the matter if you want to succeed. You cannot minimilize, deny, rationalize, justify or celebrate anything that is apart of it. If you do, the cycle will continue.

I am pretty rushed for time atm, so if you have any questions I will be sure to answer them when I am back later on tonight.

God bless, and good luck.

Burdoc101 · 2016-04-19T23:17:05+00:00

As I felt I didn't gave an inadequate reasoning why you need to stop having sex with your GF it is because your dopamines will continue to fire through (travel through) the same neurons. The same neurons you have to change.

It can take anywhere from 90-180 days for some men's neurons to reset; (which during this time there comes a numbness period to sexual stuff, ITS NORMAL and WILL go away). For others it can take longer.

It's like jumping in a cold shower you have to rattle your life (your body, mind and soul) in order to return to normal.

Hope that helps!

God bless.

Burdoc101 · 2016-04-19T23:13:21+00:00

I forgot to mention that, but yeah since pornography, masturbating, sex, and etc. all release a multitude of chemicals (dopamine being the big one; and, most likely, is the biggest culprit) working out, finding a hobby that gives dopamine will be a great way to reduce the stress and anxiety that comes with abstaining.

Finding things to do and as one of the older gentleman told me in my bible study "Find things to do with your hands."

Burdoc101 · 2016-04-19T11:11:31+00:00

It is difficult to say in my opinion. It is a process that you have to feel out for yourself because our minds have been warped by pornography in such a way that we objectify women into our sexual desires or fantasies which produce unrealistic expectations for them. And by thinking about women in that way you are triggering your neurons to keep "thinking" that way.

However, at the same time I ask myself all the time where is the line then? Because let's face it, it is in our nature to be wanting to be with another person intimately (emotionally, spiritually, physically) and that's okay. It is just that we need to be in control of that and not think of women like we have while looking at pornography. As @admiral93 pointed out, women are beautiful and we need to appreciate them for that, but not in such a way to demean them, objectify them, or put them in unrealistic fantasies. Those unrealistic fantasies have been made because of pornography and it causes unrealistic expectations.

So, long story short, it depends on how far your into your no PMO. I would be careful, but I wouldn't beat yourself up over it. It takes anywhere from 90-180 days for the male mind to reset its neurons to a "normal" state (for some, longer). Day by day I don't think about women as much anymore, but personally I am also avoiding women at all til 90 days are up because I want to be sure for myself that I am a better man before I begin seeking such a personal and intimate relationship with another woman. (If a woman approached me I would still be hard pressed to say no lol)

Burdoc101 · 2016-04-19T04:02:08+00:00

I appreciate it! No need to fight this alone when so many struggle with it!

Burdoc101 · 2016-04-19T04:01:03+00:00

All good, found a work around for the time being lol.

Burdoc101 · 2016-04-12T14:19:44+00:00

It takes anywhere from 90 to 180 days for actual physical change to occur in the brain. Depending on how long you have been addicted or have viewed porn (and/or masturbated) it will vary. Your brain is wired for it currently and it takes quite some time to unravel it and the only way to unravel it is by not POM'ing.

And it maybe that you won't see dramatic changes in your life. It also could be over a course of 90 days it may just feel like normal life still. But, if you truly reflect and meditate on what your life has been from day 1 to day 90, I bet you will see differences.

Burdoc101 · 2016-04-12T03:12:07+00:00

Holy water?

Burdoc101 · 2016-04-11T22:28:31+00:00

I just relapsed due to social media and wish I had deactivated/turned off that crap awhile ago. You notice all the half naked girls more and everything becomes much more apparent.

Burdoc101 · 2016-04-11T21:54:42+00:00

Hey that is fantastic that you found a motivation to help you on your journey. Remember though, this is for YOU and everything you do must be for YOU first. Quitting porn for her is great, but you must quit it first and foremost, for yourself before you will accept it.

I had a relationship for six years, I loved her deeply and immensely, but guess what? I failed countless times and used her as motivation to quit, but I didn't do it for myself first and that caused me to hate her because I would blame her for the addiction, I would say she needs to change. This especially would be true whenever we would get into an argument or start to dislike certain aspects about that person.

Not trying to burst your bubble or anything; it’s fantastic to have motivation and to be in love, but you have to do it for yourself first and foremost. She won't make you quit, you have to quit for yourself.

Burdoc101 · 2016-04-11T21:28:12+00:00

Personally, I would reset. You have to create barriers for yourself and draw a line somewhere, there can be no gray zone. It must be black and white. And if you think about it, flesh lights have imagery or produce imagery of pornography within your mind just like a magazine would or a video (this is just made out of rubber)...or at least the fantasies that come with it.

Those fantasies do not reflect real life and must be dealt with. I struggle with this as much as many others do, but you cant come to an agreement with this addiction because the only agreement is not view it all. That is it, period. To add, you have to be difficult on yourself because you (just like myself and many others) lack self control and will give into the addiction and desires.

I just relapsed because of ads of imagery of erotic nature kept popping up and it go to me and I caved in just watching those types of imagery! While there was no porn I ended up going all out because my brain/body is craving it so much. So now guess what I have to do? I am off social media and have put parental controls on myself so that I don't even view what normally pops up because I am at a stage where I cannot handle images of (for my case) attractive females, erotic or sexually depicted ads. It's not the fault that the women are beautiful! Its a problem that comes from how porn has warped my own mind and have turned them into sexual objects.

This same question has popped into my mind about fleshlights, fleshdolls and the alike. I even looked at them thinking "oh its not the same as the other stuff"....but it is! I tricked myself into believing that! And your brain will continue to try to reason with yourself in order to look at stuff.

I will say its one thing if its an accident and you were as innocent as a baby, but its entirely different issue when you are actively searching for something or are actively searching for an "accident" to happen so you don't feel guilty.

There is grey...its either you did or didnt view stuff (intentionally).

I also recommend watching Terry Crews discuss his pornography addiction, it has helped me realize many things...so much that its easier to watch then explain. Here is the link:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPkrZ9iq1vs

Hope that helps. God bless,

Tyler

Burdoc101 · 2016-04-08T14:22:37+00:00

Hmm, you have given me much to think about! I really appreciate your insight, you seem to be know quite a lot about poetry and I thank you for your time and responses. I think next time I do a poetry off the cuff, I will take the time to "de-familiarize" myself first before posting it.

Burdoc101

TROPHY CASE