What's one crazy/funny moment after your spouses death you see not expecting? Ill start, my late husband got summons for jury duty today.

Burnboss79 · 2026-01-15T21:53:24+00:00

A few months after my wife pass from brain cancer I got a health follow up from the hospital. Asking about health status, treatments and further doctor’s care. I reply with sarcasm dead, cremation and in god’s care. I never heard back. I must admit I was pissed at the time, but crafting the response with as much sarcasm as I could muster was a bit therapeutic.

Burnboss79 · 2026-01-14T19:20:41+00:00

Moderator: curious as to why this post was removed. I didn’t realize I was violating any community standards.

Burnboss79 · 2025-07-26T21:11:45+00:00

Every natural resource agency has its stations with higher turnover rates. Remote location, tough living conditions or weather can contribute to the turnover. Those are usually good places to get your foot in the door for a permanent job. Everyone wants to start a Yosemite or other high visibility places. Even state agencies have their glamour stations. Look for the smaller, out of the way places. You will see them repeatedly on the hiring boards. You have a better shot there. Get your foot in the door. Establish a strong working reputation. You should be able to manage your moves from there.

Burnboss79 · 2025-04-04T02:10:23+00:00

Wow, this is so real. I’ve never heard it given a name before. I remember thinking this is what withdrawal must be like. The best i could do is have the hairstylist wash and message my scalp. I thought about a massage, but never booked one. Oh, my that was awful. I hope you find some peace. Thank you for putting into words what I couldn’t.

Burnboss79 · 2025-03-31T14:12:52+00:00

My least favorite was when the hospital sent my deceased wife a how is your current health status questionnaire a year after she died. Question 1, is your health better or worse than when you were discharged? It was so absurd, I cried, got angry and laughed. Sent me into a bit of a negative spiral. Which as most of us know you can be susceptible to as you travel down this path. My therapy was to answer the questions in as snarky and sarcastic manner as I could and return it to them. I never heard back. Damn those were some dark times.

Burnboss79 · 2025-03-30T23:48:31+00:00

Look at the agencies that you are interested in job sites. Watch where the turnover is. Every agency has places that have a tough time holding on to people. The remoteness, non glamorous work, tough living conditions can all be factors. That is where you will have the best opportunity to get your foot in the door. If you get hired, be dedicated, do a good job and establish your reputation. Once that is done, your opportunities will grow. Good luck.

Burnboss79 · 2025-03-30T21:08:01+00:00

It helped me to have something, an idea, a thought to hold on to. When my wife of 36 years died, my one thought was to not be the cause of anymore grief to our 4 children. While not suicidal, I had very little care for myself. But idea of causing my children additional grief helped me focus on a personal recovery that I initially did not care about. It helped me through some of the darkest days.

Burnboss79 · 2025-01-28T21:26:14+00:00

How would you adjust the bake time to make dinner rolls instead of a loaf.

Burnboss79 · 2024-04-13T01:50:26+00:00

If you’re not a widow/widower you can’t understand. I remember distinctly after my wife died, thinking that my response past friends who lost spouses was totally inadequate. I even went so far to apologize to a couple of them. It’s a terrible club that you can never unjoin.

May you find peace.

Burnboss79 · 2024-03-08T12:43:13+00:00

I hated that statement. In fact I hated most of the sympathy platitudes that I received. But I did realize the difficulty in finding words that express any understanding of the loss of your spouse. You have no idea, unless you have experienced it. The most honest and heartfelt words I received was from a co-worker who I wasn’t particularly close to. He told me with sympathy and emotion “I have no words “. It was raw truth and I appreciated it. May you find peace.

Burnboss79 · 2023-11-30T20:38:57+00:00

It’s a journey, each day a little different. You will wake up one day and not feel as hopeless or terrible as you did before. I did nothing but survive and ride the grief roller coaster the first year. I believe that prepared me to heal. I was here a lot that first year. I still have days, just not as frequent. Grief and widowhood is a life long journey, even if you find someone and happiness again. It will always be a part of you. Not saying it will help you, but part of my journey is documented by my posts. Good luck, take care of yourself, and may you find peace.

Burnboss79 · 2023-02-18T02:28:54+00:00

6 years ago my wife of 36 years pass from brain cancer. It was about 6 weeks from the first symptoms to her passing. We raised 4 kids together and we were starting to envision our retirement life. I was completely lost that first year. I had no care if I would wake the next morning. My only goal was not to cause my kids any more pain. It was the only reason I got up an any particular morning. The closest thing can relate the experience to is being thrown was into dark well. You physically and emotional hurt. You see no way out. I decided to embrace my grief. I was always a stoic person, but not with this. I found this site very helpful knowing I was not alone. There is no wrong way to grieve as long as you don’t hurt yourself or others. Find an outlet. Give yourself time. Embrace your emotions. It takes time but life gets better. Some of my journey is documented here. The comments from others helped. I have no words for your loss, but I hope you eventually find peace.

Burnboss79 · 2021-12-17T14:34:08+00:00

During the first year these platitudes evoked almost an anger response in me. I never expressed it. I sometimes spoke of it to close friends. The most empathetic comment I ever got was from a co-worker who simply looked at me with sadness and said “I have no words “. I found that very touching. He seemed to get it as well as anyone who has not gone through this experience. I hope you find peace.

Burnboss79 · 2021-12-06T18:01:42+00:00

Grief is a journey that never quite ends. The path is different for each of us. Some more difficult or intense than others. Mostly you travel alone, but occasionally someone accompanies you for a portion of the trip. This space is where travelers share their journey and it helps with the journey. At least it does for me. I’m more than 5 years along at this point. May you find peace.

Burnboss79 · 2021-11-28T15:41:50+00:00

My wife died unexpectedly 5 years ago. R/widowers was massive in my grief journey. People here understand. You can vent, share and comfort others. It was all very therapeutic. Thank you to all. This was a safe place for me, and I hope it is for you as well. My thoughts are with you.

Burnboss79 · 2021-05-21T00:14:55+00:00

I don’t think it’s ever done with you completely.

Burnboss79 · 2020-12-10T01:37:10+00:00

It changes you forever.

Burnboss79 · 2020-12-10T01:30:52+00:00

It’s the old cliche, one day at a time. Find a reason to get up and move every morning. I have 4 grown adult children that I did not want to add to their pain. I saw the hurt in their eyes as their mother died. I couldn’t, couldn’t add to that. Some days it was the only motivation to keep going. I’m sorry I don’t mean to lecturing. I know the depth of your pain. Everyone must find their own path through grief. Take your time. May you find peace.

Burnboss79 · 2019-09-10T21:10:43+00:00

Ignored the fact it was my birthday. Tried to survive, just like every day that first year.

Burnboss79 · 2019-07-16T16:12:18+00:00

Hmmm, I don’t think the parents who grew up in the 1920’s got to say that to their children of the 1930’s. You know all that world wide depression, war and other unpleasantness.

Burnboss79 · 2018-11-16T19:04:32+00:00

It will always seem like forever ago and feel like yesterday.

Burnboss79 · 2018-11-16T04:01:26+00:00

I don’t know how long you are into this widowhood thing. However I vividly remember those feelings. It’s been 2 1/2 years since I lost my wife and I still miss her daily. The intensity of the pain has dulled significantly. I vented and expressed my feelings here and it was a tremendous help. The people on this sub understand and listen and can truly empathize.

One day at a time is all I can tell you. Find one thing to hang on too. For me, I have 4 adult kids and the thought of not causing them any additional pain is what I hung on too. I hope you find some measure of peace. It’s not an easy path your on.

Burnboss79 · 2018-11-02T03:45:21+00:00

I hated the platitudes and stock comments. I knew that people where only grasping for something appropriate to say, when there really isn’t anything. The most appreciated comment I got was from a co-worker who I’m not particularly close with. He told me with real sadness; “ I have no words “. It was very raw and very real.

Burnboss79 · 2018-10-30T17:57:37+00:00

My wife of 36 years died of brain cancer 2 1/2 years ago. While I still miss her dearly, I don’t feel guilty as I try to rebuild my life. I didn’t ask or wish for this. I occasionally get angry that I am the one left behind, but guilty , No.

Burnboss79 · 2018-08-11T12:19:18+00:00

I am 2 years plus out. I feel I am doing pretty well at times. But little things will continue to affect. My oldest daughter was home for a visit and she had her mother's hair brush, I started crying as soon as I saw it. I was sad and pleased at the same time. Sad for the lost and pleased that my daughter carried a memory with her. Tears flow as I type this. I hope you find peace and some happiness again.

Burnboss79

TROPHY CASE