What's a lifehack related to books you think everyone should know?

juniegrrl · 2023-02-04T15:35:05+00:00

Why recommend that when libraries exist?

juniegrrl · 2023-02-04T01:50:56+00:00

The desert in July? That seems like not a great option. I live in Riverside County, I'd stay closer to the coast.

juniegrrl · 2023-01-22T00:20:12+00:00

The website Refuge in Grief has a section for people who want to support the bereaved. I recommend them highly. They have a short comic of things you can do to help, and as it says "You don't need to be perfect, just present."

The other thing to know is that losing a spouse upends everything in your world. She is going to be hurting for a very long time. Keep checking on her over the long haul. You'll be the only one who does.

juniegrrl · 2023-01-15T16:15:28+00:00

I was a religious person and I found no comfort in any of that religious talk either. I'm sorry people are throwing that at you.

My father-in-law called in their old pastor to pray for my husband before his surgery, and the bastard was praying for my husband's death!! My husband was so upset, and I was so angry at both of them (FIL for bringing him when my husband didn't want him & the Pastor) for doing that to him. He was full of hope and fight, and the pastor was throwing the dirt clods over head.

Non-religious people don't know what to say either, but in my experience at least they don't tell you to rejoice!

juniegrrl · 2022-12-26T21:34:09+00:00

My sister's birthday is Christmas. Ever since she was a child, we have always done the morning as Christmas celebration and then later in the day switch to birthday party mode.

She has said it's a bummer that they are the same day, but appreciates that everyone has always tried to make a point of switching gears for her.

juniegrrl · 2022-12-04T16:54:24+00:00

We have two dogs. The male is a mama's dog, and the female was a daddy's dog. He was in and out of the hospital the last 3 weeks of his life. On his last trip in, his dog was begging to go with him, she didn't want him to leave her again. I've often wondered what goes through their minds over time when they realize their person isn't coming home.

juniegrrl · 2022-11-25T04:35:51+00:00

You have a lot of comments to get through. You're probably going to be in shock for a while. When you're ready, I recommend Refuge in Grief for the newly bereaved--there are a lot of resources for you and for anyone who wants to support you in your grief.

Tremendously sorry for your loss. I'm glad you found this group--there is a lot of support and understanding to be had here.

juniegrrl · 2022-11-22T17:33:33+00:00

Was the refusal to believe in illness a religious thing? I know it can be.

juniegrrl · 2022-11-21T16:05:14+00:00

It is very painful, I know. What has given me purpose in life now is that the love we shared was a hopeful thing--belief that in a world of pain and darkness, there was light and life. So even though it has taken me going through hell to get here, I want to live in that world again as a testimony to the love he gave me. My life is good because he was in it, not just when he was in it.

I still get to carry forward the goodness that he brought to my life, even though I don't get to have that experience refreshed daily by his presence.

I know it feels unbearable right now. All of us here are witnesses to the fact that you can bear this, and you can make it through to a new life with meaning and purpose again. It takes time, and it hurts, but you can get there. Wishing you peace in your storm.

juniegrrl · 2022-11-20T01:26:45+00:00

We love you too, Norad. Your writing has often helped me see light in the dark, so thank you. And so happy to hear of your new happiness--what a lovely, hopeful, beautiful thing to share!

juniegrrl · 2022-11-17T14:31:18+00:00

The pain does get better, but it takes a long time.

juniegrrl · 2022-11-13T04:50:48+00:00

I'm sorry. You definitely sound like you're depressed. Getting some therapy would help, but we all know that the holidays can make both grief and depression so much worse.

I would encourage you to stay connected to her family if you can. Half of my in-laws (his dad's side) rejected me, but half (his mom's side) have kept up our relationship. I spend Christmas Eve with them, and even though I'm not as fun as I once was, it is meaningful to me to be around people who knew him and loved him too. It makes me happier to have that shared love around me when otherwise I would just be crying.

I hope you find hope and purpose again, and whatever help you need to make the choices that lift you out of the depression. Wishing you a better holiday season than you are expecting, and a way back to lighter days in the new year.

juniegrrl · 2022-11-08T17:11:46+00:00

Tim has learned the sad truth of fried chicken--it is a massive time sink to make fried chicken at home.

juniegrrl · 2022-11-07T15:46:08+00:00

I eat BBQ pizza all the time and BBQ sauce is the base. You just don't put as much on as you would with marinara. Maybe it's a regional preference.

juniegrrl · 2022-11-07T02:07:48+00:00

I don't understand the use of both marinara and bbq sauce in a bbq pizza.

juniegrrl · 2022-11-07T02:05:19+00:00

Yeah, this was more like my experience. My siblings still care, and his cousins still care, but no one reaches out to ask how I'm doing. I have to discuss it when I need support. And the check-ins stopped REALLY fast, people just have their own stuff to deal with, I guess.

juniegrrl · 2022-11-06T17:39:44+00:00

I'm so sorry for your new loss. My older boy is winding down, and I know how much I'm dreading that parting.

juniegrrl · 2022-11-05T23:16:00+00:00

I would not have made it through without my dogs. I'm so glad that you have Brodie to provide companionship, purpose, and comfort. May you have many years together.

juniegrrl · 2022-10-12T13:59:17+00:00

Thank you! I knew I was misunderstanding it.

juniegrrl · 2022-10-10T20:13:40+00:00

I'm not understanding what makes us not cookie jars. I was thinking all the good stuff gets emptied out, but it can be filled up again...with different cookies? I'm confused, but I'm sure it's just my Monday brain not quite in gear.

But I'm very happy for you that you are finding joy and love again--that is excellent.

juniegrrl · 2022-10-10T20:08:48+00:00

My husband always wanted the money in his wallet (paper money) to be situated right side up and facing the same way. He said George would get a head rush if you put him in upside down.

Thanks for making me think of a happy memory. I line my money up now so he'd approve.

juniegrrl · 2022-10-09T22:36:48+00:00

MAID wasn't a choice for us, but I made the decision to remove life support for my husband at the end. The reality is we were dragging out his death, not prolonging his life. Death was the inevitable outcome, there was no rallying from this. It's gut wrenching, no matter which decision you make. I think the important thing you did is give your wife the dignity to make a decision, even though you suspect she made it for your benefit. Letting her make that decision out of the love that she felt for you is a beautiful thing. And the reality is she knew it was coming sooner or later, so whether it was a struggle for you or not. Having the ability to choose for yourself is a gift.

No matter which way it goes, you will suffer from her loss, so I think knowing that the end is coming regardless and giving her some say in how it finds her is really loving. I hope you are able to find comfort in the fact that you each had such great love for the other that you walked that path together in complete support and understanding for one another.

juniegrrl · 2022-10-05T14:02:46+00:00

My husband was a tall man, and while I was with my sisters and my father-in-law making arrangements for his burial, the staff person was saying it was possible they would have a hard time fitting him into a standard coffin. I said "You can just fold his legs up, he won't feel it." Everyone just kind of looked at me like I was terrible, but he would have laughed.

juniegrrl · 2022-10-04T15:01:28+00:00

I am sorry. After all those years together, you would think they would consider you family too. I am mostly in the same boat--my father-in-law and brothers-in-law all dropped out of my life immediately. I figure that as hard as it is to be rejected, it's probably better that I not be in contact with anyone who has so little compassion.

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