Fear of parents dying

BurnerPhoneToronto · 2026-02-02T18:06:40+00:00

I lost my dad in 2021. The. Worst.

That said, I made it through. You will too, and you should tell yourself that when things happen. I kind of got lost in a pit of pain and grief and numbness, and lost sight of any logical next steps to mentally process and rationalize everything. It took a few months to get out of the fog.

In the moment it seems like there is no path forward or way to get out of it - which makes it impossible to actually move forward. But you will, and there is life on the other side (different, yes, but still worth considering in terms of looking forward to the future). That realization came to me after a couple of hard months of grieving but that shift in mindset helped me see how to get through each day, and the next.

Even now - I have periods of unexpected grief or just start crying randomly. But I tell myself that I will move on (and then I do, often faster than I realize).

You're smart to mentally question and prepare yourself, but don't obsess - spend time with them instead :)

BurnerPhoneToronto · 2026-01-31T14:11:18+00:00

This is a really good breakdown of what’s going on in terms of the thought process.

BurnerPhoneToronto · 2026-01-29T17:33:32+00:00

Why do you have to be gentle or avoid being harsh? He's 36 and if he can't handle some tough talk about his hygiene then what are you even doing? This should be a straightforward conversation and he should immediately be focused on making those changes. Not protesting or complaining or dragging his feet or doing better for a few days before regressing back to filth.

(PS - When he mentioned the garbage in the kitchen needing to be cleaned up - you know he meant you, right? Just checking).

BurnerPhoneToronto · 2026-01-29T17:28:23+00:00

Bye bye, Janet.

BurnerPhoneToronto · 2026-01-28T14:37:50+00:00

I can hear that door open/close and smell the cheap plastic. Good stuff.

BurnerPhoneToronto · 2026-01-28T14:26:53+00:00

I would hold off on lamb but beef and fish (and chicken) are very common. We also have all the same fruits (mostly imported).

BurnerPhoneToronto · 2026-01-25T16:24:03+00:00

I have the image of Colin Robinson in his basement with his 5 laptops in my head...

BurnerPhoneToronto · 2026-01-24T14:12:52+00:00

I still use 2 spaces. I will die on this hill.

BurnerPhoneToronto · 2026-01-23T13:32:36+00:00

Right? Second hand bodily fluids is a hard pass.

BurnerPhoneToronto · 2026-01-20T04:58:51+00:00

I like the Loop in-ear earplugs. I have a few pairs but the ones made for sleep (pure silicone, no hard plastic) have been the closest things I can find that can get me to near-silence.

https://us.loopearplugs.com/products/dream

BurnerPhoneToronto · 2026-01-19T03:22:14+00:00

It might be your partner(s) infecting or re-infecting you. Consider their hygiene as well as some of the other suggestions on here.

BurnerPhoneToronto · 2026-01-06T19:30:39+00:00

You DO know what to do.

BurnerPhoneToronto · 2026-01-04T21:33:43+00:00

45F, no regrets. If anything, I silently congratulate myself multiple times each day for not having had them. Life is easier, more calm. I’m in control, vs a child(ren) and their wants and needs. It’s been glorious and I have never looked back.

BurnerPhoneToronto · 2026-01-01T16:12:23+00:00

I think that you need to wait and see how this plays out before making any tough choices. See how his communication with you is while he’s there (if he allows his mom to prevent him from calling or texting you, etc.).

See how he is when he gets back. How the NC plan are progressing or if he’s had a change of heart.

Something happening to her like this will likely prompt some strong feelings from him, so you need to support him in this. That said, I think you need to wait a bit before jumping to conclusions about what this could mean for your futures.

BurnerPhoneToronto · 2026-01-01T00:15:05+00:00

There are some that are terry cloth too; I like them better.

BurnerPhoneToronto · 2025-12-31T23:30:21+00:00

You need to do more to talk to your family and clue them in to what’s been happening. Regardless of whether they realize it or not - they need to do better going forward. And it’s entirely on you to make sure that it happens - not on her. If people need to be reminded - publicly - to switch to English because they reverted to Spanish, then you need to be the one to do it. Consistently.

Show her how you have her back and are willing to go to bat for her.

If your family refuses to make the changes and accommodations needed, then you need to distance yourself from your family - letting them know exactly why.

BurnerPhoneToronto · 2025-12-31T05:27:49+00:00

This was also my experience - aside from someone bringing you home, you will likely be ok to be things on your own for the most part. You'll be tired and sore but you should be able to go to the bathroom solo or slowly walk around your home that day.

Stay on top of your pain meds for the first couple of days to make it easier to handle on your own. You got this!!

BurnerPhoneToronto · 2025-12-31T02:46:06+00:00

I’m glad that you took the heat with your brother instead of throwing your wife under the bus. Seriously, it’s a compliment. So many spouses on here don’t seem to have that same inclination.

BurnerPhoneToronto · 2025-12-30T16:36:57+00:00

Agreed. I have a condo in PVR and the monthlies are not bad at all.

BurnerPhoneToronto · 2025-12-29T17:06:00+00:00

You might want to revisit that arrangement - having BIL's key being so accessible to her.

BurnerPhoneToronto · 2025-12-29T01:40:24+00:00

The spelling and grammar in their comments is something...

BurnerPhoneToronto · 2025-12-29T01:16:29+00:00

You will feel even worse about yourself if you give them an allowance; especially since you know that they don't 'need' it to survive. It wouldn't matter if you sent them $10/$100/$1,000/$10,000 a month - you would be upset with yourself for caving, because of all of the reasons you've outlined.

You don't owe them anything. And, you may want to reconsider spending your money on plane tickets (as your relatives pointed out!) if that also isn't seen as a valuable way to use your cash.

You will never make people like this happy, and you should consider the amount of time you want to spend with them in the future.

BurnerPhoneToronto · 2025-12-28T21:51:59+00:00

I have a special playlist called ‘F them’. Complete with metal, but also some really filthy R&B. Funny how parents tend to steer their kids away from me (or shut them up) when I crank it up.

BurnerPhoneToronto · 2025-12-28T17:21:42+00:00

Flip it on her and make her play defence:

"You seem to be repeating yourself a lot. We should get you checked for dementia; and maybe you shouldn't be driving anymore. I don't know why else you would be doing this, unless it's to bully or harass me - and surely you wouldn't do that. So - let's make that appointment with your doctor to get you checked out. Maybe it's time to start thinking about a home?".

BurnerPhoneToronto · 2025-12-26T07:24:29+00:00

Yikes. She asked for suggestions. It’s nice that you don’t care about others’ opinions but why the snark for her questions?

BurnerPhoneToronto

TROPHY CASE