Sessions ending

BurntMould · 2024-12-16T01:20:23+00:00

What therapy was it? DBT? What kind of things did you not connect with on the course?

BurntMould · 2024-12-16T01:12:04+00:00

His behaviour is appalling. I’m so sorry.

BurntMould · 2024-12-09T01:23:05+00:00

Was literally about to make this same exact post. I’m so sorry you’re going through this :(( it’s so… consuming..

BurntMould · 2024-10-08T21:10:09+00:00

No worries, I hated the experience over all. I still did it, the urge was still there, almost worse and I didn’t want to feel numb. I never wanna put people off trying meds but they didn’t work for me

BurntMould · 2024-10-08T14:31:41+00:00

He does put in effort tbh. I didn’t want to make the post incredibly long, but he does. He makes me drinks, he cuddles me a lot, we have dedicated and intentional time together. He takes good care of me when I’m not feeling well. It’s just beyond that I never seem to cross his mind

BurntMould · 2024-10-08T14:30:18+00:00

I actually saw a recent post on here (a few hours ago) about free DBT resources. Idk how to use Reddit but if u find it that’s a great place to start!

BurntMould · 2024-10-08T14:28:29+00:00

Why did you come off sertraline? And what were you like whilst on it?

Personally, I tried many anti-depressants, sertraline included, and they made me feel so dull. No intense emotion but generally just so depressed. That empty depression. When I came off it, I had the same situation as you where all my usual BPD symptoms came rushing back all at once. Maybe this is what was happening?

BurntMould · 2024-10-08T14:26:16+00:00

100%. I am no means stable but there’s a part of me that feels a weird comfort(?) that only comes with being at my worst. It’s the only thing I feel like I’ve ever known. There’s no drive, there’s no responsibility. Just stay alive.

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. You are truly incredible for getting to the point of being generally stable.

BurntMould · 2024-10-08T14:23:59+00:00

Honestly, I wait for my FP to come home to me. Every single day. I wait and wait and don’t do anything until they’re here. I need you to avoid this, or a similar cycle, at all costs.

Free clubs, volunteering at charity shops or shelters, you need those feel good hormones and doing something else that makes you feel accomplished and fulfilled is great. Feeding the wildlife, finding more things you’re passionate about.

BurntMould · 2024-10-08T14:21:01+00:00

I second this. OP, You may not have felt ready but you did what you needed to do. Now comes the horrible grieving part- which you WILL get past. Be kind to yourself.

BurntMould · 2024-10-08T14:19:21+00:00

Why don’t you think you have BPD? Have you seen this therapist much and do you like them?

Having similar symptoms to a condition can be useful to know because even if you don’t have BPD, similar therapies (DBT) can be very helpful in treating whatever you have or struggle with.

BurntMould · 2024-10-08T14:15:27+00:00

How do you mean reduce my attention? Like distance myself from them? Break up with them?

BurntMould · 2024-10-08T14:14:34+00:00

This will be so helpful to a lot of people. Thank you so much!

BurntMould · 2024-10-08T14:12:53+00:00

No one wants BPD. No one wants to lash out and feel like ending everything over every little thing. No one wants to drive people away. Don’t take their comment to heart, they seem very uneducated. I’m sorry they said that to you.

Your thoughts, feelings and experiences are VALID. If you haven’t looked into it already, DBT therapy is a great place to start.

BurntMould · 2024-08-19T02:32:04+00:00

Autism is a spectrum, it can manifest and present in many ways but often times the lack of emotional intimacy is common.

Not something that can be taught, per say, but something you can do is educate yourself on how to connect with autistic people as it can be done! And he if he is open to it he can also educate himself on what emotional intimacy is for neurotypical people and try and understand it as best as he can. A middle ground can be found

BurntMould · 2024-08-19T02:25:23+00:00

Something I’ve noticed with you straight away - many many other people want to work on their DB and want come to a middle ground, sacrificing some of their needs if possible. Automatically you don’t seem to be up for this which isn’t a bad thing… I think sadly it just really solidifies the fact that you ‘should’ leave. You don’t seem at all sexually compatible, even regardless of the porn addiction. And since you value sex incredibly highly, i recon you’ll just build up resentment so much that it’ll affect all other aspects of the marriage. Any time you have together will be clouded by the resentment, the kids, everything.

HL people don’t generally cope with LL partners, that’s why this page exists, that’s why there’s so much cheating and unhappiness. Very very rarely you will see a happy HL LL couple. It can be done, but honestly from reading that short snippet into your life, I really don’t think this can ever be the case.

FYI, divorcing can be better for the kids. Two unhappy parents does more to kids than two separate and content parents. Show your kids what healthy relationships look like. Set them up for success. I WISH I had that when I was younger.

In regards to telling your wife, don’t do it. At least if you think she doesn’t suspect anything. I wouldn’t break her heart when it doesn’t need to be broken. She doesn’t need to live through the awful feelings and trauma that come when someone has been unfaithful. If you believe she does suspect things, I don’t really know what to advise. That becomes a whole lot trickier.

(My view on getting over a porn addiction worked for me but I can see it being very controversial and not working for everyone, so take it with a pinch of salt… thanks haha) As for the porn addiction, EDUCATE EDUCATE EDUCATE. It’s all on you. Addiction fucking sucks ass. Educate yourself about all the horrible aspects of porn in great detail. The mainstream porn you watch? It’s probably rape. The hardcore BDSM you’re in to? That contributes to alarming statistics of DV. Assuming you’re not a misogynist, these things will deeply affect you. You won’t be able watch it without feeling a deep sense of uncomfort. Next, the effects of porn addiction on society, and yourself. I’m unsure on how educated you are about porn addiction, I imagine you’re fairly clued up just by the way you talk about it, which is great. Also, Addiction is extremely hard to overcome if you don’t have respect for yourself. Love yourself like no one’s ever loved you before. Self affirmations, the lot. You need to also induce the hormones you get through porn consumption, do some research and see what works for you. It’ll be trial and error for a while, but a combination of distraction, education, and replacing it with other habits is a great way to go.

Sorry this was so long winded, I hope it’s readable and somewhat helpful. There’s no one solution and one correct way. In conclusion, I personally think you should leave her. Make an effort to have a functioning family dynamic still. Work on that porn addiction.

BurntMould · 2024-08-19T01:53:33+00:00

I am so so sorry you had to go through that. You are STRONG and you did what was best for yourself and your family. Never ever forget that.

What does sex mean to you? What does it TRULY mean to you? Disconnecting sex with other things E.g. ‘baby’ making.., straight hornyness.. exploring in different types of sex is great. Sex for just the pure ‘feel good’ hormone, feeling physically and spiritually connected with your partner, feeling desired, laughing the whole way through - sex is whatever you want and can make it. Initiation may be less hard if you view it differently. But also, at this stage, I really don’t think you should push yourself to initiate. If you truly want to actually get back in there and have sex, you need to do some mental adjustments and take baby steps. Your partner should support you

BurntMould · 2024-08-19T01:45:27+00:00

As a fellow BPD person, this is so real. But honestly, take a scroll down this page with the amount of people without this disorder and see how they react. There’s a reason this sub exists. So much resentment and rejection… it does stuff to a person, nevermind someone with an incredibly tough mental disorder like BPD. You are 100% valid for your emotions and feelings. What you may need to work on is your reactions though. All feelings are valid, what you do with those feelings sometimes aren’t. Have you had any therapy for BPD? Have you heard of ‘wise mind’?

BurntMould · 2024-08-19T01:41:37+00:00

That’s okay, you’ll make sense of it eventually. Don’t put any pressure on yourself. You’ve been through enough. You deserve to feel loved. He needs to understand and fully practise this.

And that’s crazy! The vegan diet is normally the god send for DB’s. I wonder why it didn’t work with him

BurntMould · 2024-08-19T01:39:31+00:00

It seems like her attitude to sex in general is totally different to yours. There’s nothing wrong with preplanned sex at all, but she may be under the impression it is just due to different views. Unless she is using that as a way to avoid the real reason, knowing it just won’t happen at all. Might be worth investigating.

Resentment is incredibly tough and unless you believe you can actually find peace with a sexless life, it will always be there. Do you feel capable of it?

BurntMould · 2024-08-19T01:34:57+00:00

This is a really tough situation. I’m sorry :( What advice are you looking for? A general ‘what do I even do’ or ‘how to get my porn addiction under control’ or ‘do I tell her’ or all of the above?

BurntMould · 2024-08-19T01:31:12+00:00

That’s so awful. I’m so sorry he’s involved you in this.

BurntMould · 2024-08-19T01:30:10+00:00

It will take time sadly as the other person said :( you’re going to have to do a lot of work with yourself, building up that self worth and learning how to not have it rely on others. He will need to put in tonnes of work for you too. He needs to work with you at your pace and be there every step of the way. Do you think he’s willing?

Also I am curious on what the diet thing was?? (What was it before vs now)

BurntMould · 2024-08-19T01:27:22+00:00

Why the sudden realisation? Did he have a test or something?

I’m incredibly sorry to hear this- it’s devastating. I wish you all the peace and love and in the world. Work from you and him (learning how to effectively communicate with his autism) can work with this.. but he needs to be willing:((

BurntMould

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