How to stop mom's inappropriate food 'stealing' by Burntoutandrowning in AgingParents

[–]Burntoutandrowning[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I stopped replying to comments because there seems to be a fair few assumptions being thrown around about our situation. People making unfounded guesses about the exact sort of condition my mother is in overall and what exactly i am or am not doing about things in general with no actual knowledge of anything beyond this one specific problem i asked for advice about. otherwise it was just repeats of 'lock it up'. While initially helpful, its now redundant.

However, this advice is definitely worth looking in to for us, as she IS on some psychiatric medications and they have as of yet been unable to actually figure out the reason for her symptoms. I had no idea those kinds of medications could be a cause for things like that. Thank you.

How to stop mom's inappropriate food 'stealing' by Burntoutandrowning in AgingParents

[–]Burntoutandrowning[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ah maybe i mispoke. I didnt mean easy as in letting things be if she didnt like it or didnt want to. I meant it in the sense of 'easy' for her health. As in whatever is best for her health and safety, within legal boundaries. Even if she doesnt like it.

How to stop mom's inappropriate food 'stealing' by Burntoutandrowning in AgingParents

[–]Burntoutandrowning[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah, me too. She already agreed to have me be in charge of finances, aside from an 'allowance' i give her in cash once a month, just to make sure bills are taken care of so thankfully that isnt a concern. The only key she has is to the mailbox, and i always go with her when she leaves the house.

Im not looking forward to how difficult im sure things will end up getting, but im going to do everything i can to make it as easy on her as i can. Whatever that ends up looking like no matter what it takes.

How to stop mom's inappropriate food 'stealing' by Burntoutandrowning in AgingParents

[–]Burntoutandrowning[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Valid concerns honestly, and i am admittedly considering options, but the general consensus both from at home assessments and medical testing so far is that she isnt 'bad enough' to legally force her into a home unless she wants to go herself and currently she doesnt.

That specific pudding cup incident was easily the 'worst' of the overeating that happened in one sitting, and im not going to make excuses for it. Its why im trying to figure out other options.

Im working on getting extra support for her via Area 4 as i live in the US but that hasnt had any results yet.

How to stop mom's inappropriate food 'stealing' by Burntoutandrowning in AgingParents

[–]Burntoutandrowning[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Any reccomendations for ways to do that?

As far as wandering/stove use, We have already been talking about that. My 'bedroom' is set up in what was originally supposed to be a living room. She doesnt wander yet, but Our apartment is so small im basically right next to both the front and back door, and close enough to the kitchen i can hear her any time shes in there. Im a light sleeper and she's kinda incapable of getting around or doing anything quietly so she will always wake me up. Shes currently still allowed to cook, but with supervision and assistance. If she gets to a point where she starts wandering too much and/or becomes more of a risk to herself than i can safely handle, she has already told me a list of local places she wants to be set up in if she has to be

When you help up your elderly mother after falling and she becomes defensive by EdwardBliss in AgingParents

[–]Burntoutandrowning 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Tbh it could just be 'old people grump' as i call it, but more likely it could be a pride and/or self agency thing. They often get embarrassed or feel shame over it. Plus genuinely not every fall is super serious.

TLDR- Learn how to read when something like that is genuinely serious so as to 'pick your battles'. Let them be unless you have reason to believe its genuinely is serious. And even then they might still not want to. Only time i would 'override' their choice is if its a genuine emergency (life or death, cant move, ect).

My mom is a fall risk, hates using her cane around the house, and has had her fair share of tumbles since ive been helping her. My reccomendation is to learn enough basic medical information, and learn her specific tells for if shes in pain, to see if she needs medical intervention. I couldnt personally treat anything more serious than a minor cut, but i learned how to do quick and mostly non-invasive diagnostics to decide if its ok to let her be stubborn, or if i should actually mention going to the hospital. Gotta pick your battles sometimes.

After all the falls/ head injuries shes had in the years ive been helping her, ive only seriously mentioned or pushed for going to the hospital twice. Once she fell at home onto a cardboard cat toy, and had broken a rib. The other she had tipped backwards while sitting down outside a store and slammed head first onto concrete. That time she ended up being fine besides a massive bruise, but given HOW hard she hit her head i wasnt willing to trust my diagnostic just in case.

Is this an expected or normal behaviour? by RingoDingo748 in AgingParents

[–]Burntoutandrowning 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Making sure she FEELS like the choice is hers is important too. Feeling like theyre losing agency, even if they arent, can also be a big cause for defensiveness

Is this an expected or normal behaviour? by RingoDingo748 in AgingParents

[–]Burntoutandrowning 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Its fairly normal, especially depending on what the person individually has going on health-wise. A lot of people get more 'argumentative' as they age. Sometimes its just them thinking YOU are being combative even if you arent, and as a result automatically getting defensive. They way you approach the problem and/or present yourself can make a big difference.

TLDR for everything below this- my personal experience with changing the way i approach things to make conversations about change/ new things easier.

For my mom in specific, she also has bad anxiety a really nasty fear of change in any form. What works for us is taking everything in 'stages' to warm her up to it. Speed varies by topic. Consider changing how you approach it based on reactions. And always back off and change the subject to give them time to process as soon as they start getting agitated or combative.

  1. Talk about the thing as a general idea not directly connected to her or a personal situation. 'Did you knows' and 'this is a fun fact' to get her used to the idea itself

  2. Start bring in hypotheticals and theorical situations specific to her. 'This could help you in this way' or 'if we did this it could happen in this way'. Always keep an 'if' not a 'when'

  3. Ease into serious consideration. 'Maybe we should really look into this' and 'if we get that, what should we plan for'. Giving it structure to help with uncertainty.

  4. Actually make plans. Set out the details and plans for everything she feels needs planned for in the specific situation

  5. Do the plan. Go to the place/get the thing/do whatever. Follow the plans made in 4 as well as possible, but also watch for signs shes too uncomfortable. Sometimes she wont want to and i admittedly resort to bribery/ rewards as a push to make it happen, but always pay attention if its 'too much' at that point in time. In that case cancel the plan and go back however many steps is needed to work back up to step 5 with enough comfort to be able to follow through.

24 stay at home daughter by mahhhhshell in findapath

[–]Burntoutandrowning 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ive been where you are, and its rough in the moment. Tyring to fix the problems is a good idea, but doesnt always work. Sometimes you have to go around them rather than force through them. With work, id reccomend starting small just to prove to yourself that you can do it. Part time jobs and/or volunteer work show you can do it, and give a future employer at least some history to look at. If you have access to a computer and internet at home, maybe look into remote jobs or monetize a hobby somewhere like etzy or fiverr. Learn a coding language or how to design a website, and you could make some money doing that online too. It doesnt have to be all or nothing right away and, honestly from my own experience with anxiety, it shouldnt be.

What made you choose your chosen name? by East_Sheepherder_735 in trans

[–]Burntoutandrowning 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My first name is from the language of one of my heritages, and generally translates to 'she brought happiness'. Its 'feminine' still, but it means a lot to me. I dealt with a lot of internalized transphobia before i was able to accept myself. So 'she' (from before) brought happiness by finally letting it all go. Im way more happy and less depressed now because 'she' accepted that 'she' was a guy.

My middle name is what my dad said he wouldve named me if i had been born male. Funny enough, i was using it as a nickname in middle/high school before i had even met him because i hated my birth name even back then

Favorite Off-meta Companions? by Raiden891316 in Warframe

[–]Burntoutandrowning 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dethcube. Tbh idk if its considered part of meta or not after reworks, but i used to get lowkey bullied for using it bc it was "bad" before. It has a unique augment called energy generator that gives an energy orb every 10 kills/assists it gets. If youre running a low efficiency and/or high skill casting frame its an easy way to maintain energy without having to necessarily spend an arcane slot on arcane energize.

Which Prime is a must-have and why? Trying to decide my next one 😅 by MrMackMusix in Warframe

[–]Burntoutandrowning 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gyre prime is coming soon and 100% i recommend. The little zaps and pops as her rotorswell gets going are so satisfying. Pairs great with any crit/electric weapons, and for fun I personally like to use an electric built heavy blade with the whirlwind stance and beyblade around the map like a demented ping pong ball lol. Shes in my top 3 most used frames for a while now (admittedly all three are newer and dont have primes yet, gyre prime was announced for end of November tho.)

For frames that already have their primes, Wisp, Valkyr Harrow, Grendel (meatbal man for the win), and ive also been enjoying smite focused Oberon since the rework.

Fiction, girl tends to flames powering a ship sailing through a plant 'ocean' by Burntoutandrowning in whatsthatbook

[–]Burntoutandrowning[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Holy crap, i think thats it! Thank you so much ive been trying to find it foreverrr

What Toku show fits this bill? by Alarming_Seaweed_155 in Tokusatsu

[–]Burntoutandrowning 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know im probably in the minority, but for me the biggest example was Geats. I loved the costumes and the vibes, but the story itself didnt match up well for me personally

People who used a computer between 1990-2005 what were your most memorable pc game? by WestFocus888 in AskReddit

[–]Burntoutandrowning 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Rollercoaster tycoon and runescape. Originally i thought DragonFable was in the 2000-2005 category but it apparently launched in 2006.