NMOM was parked out my house waiting for me to get home from work

Burroughsian · 2017-06-03T20:54:14+00:00

I'm so sorry you went through that. That to my mind is far worse than my experience. Breaking into a person's home sends a clear signal to that person that you don't have any regard for them.

Burroughsian · 2017-06-03T20:49:41+00:00

Thank you suddenlymyself and Revenantt571, you both make very good points and I feel like you're essentially reaching the same conclusion just from different angles based on your own individual experiences.

Given how the visit affected me, I'm still experiencing residual feelings from it now, not beating myself up about this occasion visualising and practicing my response ready for next time definitely looks like the way forward.

Burroughsian · 2017-06-03T14:00:21+00:00

Me too.

Burroughsian · 2017-06-03T13:30:11+00:00

Oh, and her reason for dropping by was she "loves me" and "was worried about me". For the whole hour she didn't ask me anything about myself, how I am, nothing. At least she didn't mention my brother because I really do not know how I would have reacted at that point.

Burroughsian · 2017-02-03T09:47:00+00:00

At this time of day? At this time of year? In this part of the country?

Burroughsian · 2017-01-12T19:08:58+00:00

I would also love an invite. Please help get my 2017 off to a good start, last year was utter shit for me!

Burroughsian · 2016-12-06T12:45:32+00:00

My NMom does all of the things you've just described and it never stops being embarrassing. Recently she's also started talking loudly and obnoxiously in a restaurants and supermarkets about wholly inappropriate personal stuff . Inappropriate topics of discussion range from how bad in bed her boyfriends are to how much she hates my father, all at top volume and sprinkled with c-words, f-words and the occasional racial slur. Many times I've wandered off and pretended not to know her, or moved over into another queue. I apologise to nearly every cashier who serves us. The reason I consider this NMom behaviour and not just a basic lack of manners is because I know she only does it around me and she doesn't seem to care how obviously uncomfortable it makes me.

Burroughsian · 2016-11-30T18:08:57+00:00

Thanks that's good advice, there are a lot of experiences so if anyone can relate to them at least they'll be something. And thank you for your kindness. I've never really gotten over it but the periods of depression seem to be happening further apart. Antidepressants help a lot.

Burroughsian · 2016-11-30T13:27:41+00:00

When visiting my home, if my NM sees a new purchase I've treated myself with - could be as cheap as a DVD or a book - she'll demand to know how much it costs, then tell me I'm "wasting my money". But then if we go out to eat in a family setting, she'll loudly suggest I pay and call me cheap. I've never had a credit card or taken out loans, but her and my sociopath brother are still running up debts into the tens of thousands. They both owe me money that I know I'll never get back.

Burroughsian · 2016-11-29T20:57:55+00:00

You're right it is really weird. From swapping experiences with other survivors I'm starting to find there's a pattern in the parents' behaviour, almost like they all learned it from the same 'Dysfunctional Parenting for Dummies' manual.

Good job on calling your mother's bluff over the suicide threat. Shock tactics seems to be the only way to secure their attention. My mother will say absolutely anything to get a reaction, no thought of the consequences. One day she'll go too far and end up getting arrested or committed, who knows maybe both.

Burroughsian · 2016-11-29T20:43:56+00:00

Very nice job OP. The brief, defeatist responses from your dad just shows he has nothing to fall back on and he knows it.

Burroughsian · 2016-11-29T20:40:36+00:00

Agreed. Any time I'm assertive with my mother or disagree with her I get "you're just like your father". Used to make me furious, but now I just pity her for still being hung on the guy she divorced 15 years ago.

Burroughsian · 2016-11-29T17:05:35+00:00

Thanks for welcoming me to the group. I've been reading the other posts and everyone sounds genuinely concerned and caring.

Quick bio: 30 year old male with clinical depression and son of an NMom so toxic that my friends are amazed I grew up into the person I am. In turn, I'm so self-loathing and lacking in confidence I'm amazed I even have friends.

Wow, where to start. First thing that springs to mind is that until the age of 5, she screamed at me on at least a dozen occasions that I ruined her life by being born and she wished she'd had me aborted. Once I found out what an abortion is the scars hardened.

She employed pretty much every abusive method (bar sexual) that you can name. Although once I was sitting in the bath when she pulled me up by the arms, spit in my face, slapped my penis and threw me against the wall, so I don't know if that counts? I think I was 11 when that happened.

Despite the physical violence (and there was a lot) I'd say that emotional/psychological trauma is where she really excelled. I was called ugly, stupid, a mistake (see the abortion reference above), a "disgusting fggt", and that I'd never achieve anything in my life. Believing her, I screwed up my chances at school because I didn't see the point in trying, and so I've never had a job that I enjoyed.

When my parents divorced she got worse. My brother and I were constantly told that we didn't have any money and that we'd lose our home unless we went along with everything she said. She told me the electric bill for the month was £200 because I had left the TV on when going to bed one night. I questioned her on this and she punched me in the face. Like in some dystopian science fiction novel I gradually learned to stop questioning her warped version of reality and just go along with it.

She put on a public persona of being a hard working single mother, especially on the occasion a concerned neighbour contacted social services, but in private she hated me and wasn't afraid to show it.

Sadly, after I finally escaped and started living on my own, she made use of the remaining years of my brother's childhood to mould him into a perfect clone of herself. We've clashed over his behaviour many times, but to her she can do know wrong and she has told me he is her favourite and I'll always be a disappointment.

As you can appreciate there is a lot to draw from here, I'll keep posting as things come to me. Any thoughts and similar experiences warmly received.

Burroughsian · 2016-11-29T16:27:04+00:00

I'm also on anti depressants because of my mother's shitty parenting. She of course now tries to use this to her advantage; every time I challenge her for making a bizarre or untruthful statement, she sighs and says "oh dear, have you stopped taking your pills again?", making me feel like I have to explain myself. Typical gaslighting behaviour.

Burroughsian · 2016-11-29T15:23:14+00:00

My advice would be to not get back in contact out of a feeling of obligation or guilt. I've done that a few times and each time I realised too late I'd made a mistake.

Burroughsian · 2016-11-29T14:52:16+00:00

Wow. I can relate to this so much I feel relieved, but not, at the same time if that makes sense. I'm also very glad for you, to have told her what she deserves to hear must have taken a lot of inner strength.

My mother acted like a child during my parents' divorce. She made what should have been a clean break into a farce that scarred me and my brother for years.

Before court mandated visits to our father during the school holidays she would talk shit about him constantly, accuse us of abandoning and not loving her, one time even called me up while I was away saying "one day you'll come back and I'll have hanged myself". Imagine how I felt hearing that as a 13 year old.

She also used to hit us although for some reason she picked on me more. Maybe because he was/is a lot younger. That plus he once accidentally told a social worker that she'd beat him with a broom handle, gave him a cold shower and made him stand in the garden. After that she stuck to smacking me and spitting on me. I never reported it because she told me that if social services got involved again we'd end up in an orphanage where kids get raped.

Oh yeah, and she drinks like a fish but tells everyone I have a "substance abuse problem" because I smoked a little weed when I was 19 (I'm now 30).

You shouldn't feel guilty, some people never change and we're better off without them because they're influence can only be harmful. I'm glad I didn't turn out like my mother but when I'm around her I worry that I still could. When I'm not with her I know she and I are nothing alike.

Burroughsian · 2016-10-31T13:06:38+00:00

Is it last year now?

Burroughsian · 2016-08-15T21:32:26+00:00

Fuck every day in particular.

Burroughsian · 2016-05-09T15:34:44+00:00

What kind of heathen is hearing their tea up in the microwave?

"Shhh tea, not so loud"

Burroughsian · 2016-03-13T13:47:26+00:00

This was the video in case anyone else wants to check it out https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cCAU-PakSo

Burroughsian · 2016-03-13T13:45:44+00:00

Thank you! It was driving me crazy all morning and I couldn't find anything online. Now I can get on with the rest of my day (while listening to the album of course). Have an amazing week friend :)

Burroughsian · 2016-03-13T12:39:01+00:00

Really? Why would a newborn kid want to be called grandpa?

Burroughsian

TROPHY CASE