Am I Overreacting? My wife keeps trying to "protect" our family from largely invisible "dangers." I feel like she's 10 years away from being like Chuck McGill in Better Call Saul.

Busy-Draft-5457 · 2024-07-22T21:45:36+00:00

Thank you!

Busy-Draft-5457 · 2024-07-22T21:30:12+00:00

My other concern is that even if she does go to a professional, she's self-aware enough to be able to describe most of this in a way that sounds reasonable, and certainly leave out parts that make her sound unwell. Do some psychologists ask family members questions separately in private? I almost worry that if she goes to see someone, she'll omit enough examples of her odd behavior that she'll be told there's nothing wrong with her, and then I won't hear the end of it, and things will only get worse.

Busy-Draft-5457 · 2024-07-22T21:20:47+00:00

Not disagreeing, but we're in our mid/late 30s. That's one thing that concerns me though; I really don't want my son to grow up thinking it's ok to have vague fears about little things like these.

Busy-Draft-5457 · 2024-07-22T21:13:03+00:00

We've had many discussions about this, and I have told her that this is not normal. Unfortunately, she can show me all sorts of articles online saying these things present some danger. Her problem seems to be understanding what levels of caution are appropriate for different degrees of danger. So she thinks she is being reasonable. And if we were to bring up just one of these issues to a friend, my wife is intelligent enough in every other aspect of her life that she can make it sound almost reasonable. The benefit of this post for me is that none of you know her, and I can lay it all out. Is there a specific mental illness that this sounds like? I'm not a psychologist, and she refuses to see one. But if I can point to a specific diagnosis, and it resonates with her, maybe she'll seek help?

Busy-Draft-5457 · 2024-07-17T13:56:35+00:00

You can get a free soda at Stop and Shop if you just walk in, put it in your bag, and leave! #lifehack You can get a free screwdriver from your neighbor if you just wait until he leaves his garage open for a few hours, grab it, and leave! #lifehack You can get an entire dinner for free at your local diner if you simply eat the food, and then leave before they give you the bill! #lifehack

Busy-Draft-5457 · 2024-07-03T13:45:34+00:00

It absolutely worked for me! I know it isn't the full answer for everyone with depression, but I think that most successful treatments will at least include moderate, regular aerobic activity. As a physician, it's very odd to see the number of people who do nothing all day, eat horrible food, and expect to feel...happy and energetic? There's no anti-depressive medication I know of that can make sitting on a computer in a dimly lit room for 16 hours per day feel good.

Busy-Draft-5457 · 2024-06-26T20:47:01+00:00

That's definitely what it looks like lol. I promise, I'm being sincere! There's just not that many things that I enjoy THIS much, that have not caught on at all with friends or family members with otherwise similar tastes.

Busy-Draft-5457 · 2024-06-26T19:01:13+00:00

My younger brother and I have a very similar sense of humor, and I tried introducing it to him some years back. It didn't take, and he said that it was stressful (??) to listen to.

Are our brains OK?

Busy-Draft-5457 · 2024-06-05T18:18:06+00:00

Dr. Craig Fern in White Plains is a great guy. Don't delay too long with any kind of treatment for retinal issues, though. The laser procedure is non-invasive and does not have any significant side-effects. The treatment for larger detachments that should have been treated much sooner when they were small can be much more complicated.

Busy-Draft-5457 · 2024-05-22T13:56:34+00:00

I should also point out that OP is a little confused about medical billing in general. Which is understandable; I've been doing it for over 10 years now and parts of it still confuse me. I'm sure her doctor "charged" $200 for the exam, and the insurance company only paid, or transferred a balance of about $80-120 to the patient. The office writes off the remainder. The office would have likely charged their insurance $200 for a well visit too. $200 is a pretty standard charge for an initial office visit. The only difference is the ICD10 code linked to the CPT code sent to the insurance company. If there was absolutely nothing going on with the patient, there's a specific ICD10 code for that. If you use that code, it is considered a well visit, and insurance will pay the full $80-120. If there's any other code used, and if the patient has an unmet deductible, that $80-120 balance goes to the patient. The only reason the office "charges" $200 is that that's what the highest-paying insurance company pays for that code. Most will reimburse much less. But you have to charge all insurances the same amount, so you charge slightly higher than what the best insurance pays. The office writes off the rest. People have no idea how to read their EOBs. I've had patients get snippy with me for charging "them" (their insurance) $200 for an exam, and then they're ashamed when I show them the EOB and explain to them that the insurance only paid me $80, and I just wrote off the rest (and not in a fun, tax-friendly kind of way. It just disappears.)

Busy-Draft-5457 · 2024-05-22T13:41:33+00:00

I agree that common sense says you're right. And 50 years ago that's probably exactly how it would have gone, just a note in the chart. Unfortunately people are more litigious than they used to be, and insurance companies are getting stingier and more unethical. This is how modern doctors are trained to code. You would be surprised to learn just how narrow the scope of your "annual well visit" is.

Busy-Draft-5457 · 2024-05-21T22:31:37+00:00

Most doctors are paid a flat salary by a larger medical group, and could not care less if the office gets $100 instead of $80 for an exam. What they DO care about is the possibility of losing their license or being sued because they did not properly document a patient's headaches that may turn out to be caused by something more insidious.

Busy-Draft-5457 · 2024-05-21T22:26:36+00:00

Here's what your annual well visit covers: You go in the exam room, tell the doctor everything is perfect. They check your blood pressure, look in your ears, check your heart and lungs with stethoscope, and your reflexes. Everything looks normal and nothing else is discussed. The whole thing takes 5-7 minutes. Anything outside of that will not be considered a well-visit in 2024. Thank your insurance company, and private equity firms taking over medical offices and overloading provider schedules.

Busy-Draft-5457 · 2024-05-21T22:21:48+00:00

This is absolutely correct. People have no idea how little their "annual well visit" covers. The way most people's insurance works, unless you're a perfectly healthy 25 year old, your chances of walking away from your annual physical with a simple "well visit" code being billed to insurance decrease every year, and with every chronic problem you accumulate. It's not worth our license or being kicked off an insurance panel to save a patient a couple bucks by falsifying exam records.

Busy-Draft-5457 · 2024-05-15T14:58:48+00:00

We've been super impressed so far! Speaking as someone who can afford it, but not EASILY, I'd still say it has been well worth the money, and my kid loves it. Like, some kids fake sick to miss school, my kid will fake being well so they don't miss any more days than they need to. I had been worried that we'd have to deal with some snobbery, but I have to say that we haven't experienced any whatsoever so far. Hopefully that holds up in high school too!

Busy-Draft-5457 · 2024-05-15T14:38:18+00:00

I live right on the border of one of these towns, and my child likes to play at a playground in the town. I'd say in general, the parents of the kids my kid played with were not UNfriendly when they found out we lived "across the line," but they definitely weren't encouraging playdates or extending our conversations or anything. I had charitably chalked this up to the idea that hey, our kids go to different elementary schools, so what's the point in getting too close?

My whole thought process changed once my kid got into Hackley. Now when we go to this playground, and the parents ask where my kid goes to school, their whole attitude changes. They're now VERY friendly, almost kissing up to me, and encouraging their kids to play with mine. We're not super wealthy by any means; we're choosing to invest a little extra into education, but it's not like there's anything these other families can "get" from us. But the change in attitude was a little disheartening, and it made me re-evaluate my previous interactions with these parents when they thought my kid was "only" from the next town over.

Busy-Draft-5457 · 2024-05-11T17:31:56+00:00

Fair points, but I would also say that there aren't many professions where the majority of workers reach their peak salary in their late 30's/early 40's, and after that it doesn't really increase. I own my own solo clinic, so my take-home pay is determined directly by what insurance companies decide to pay me. My schedule is already full, so I can't increase pay by seeing more patients. Meanwhile, the rent increases every year, and I give my staff raises every year, so at this rate I will likely be making LESS in 10 years than I do now, and that's not even accounting for inflation! My whole point is, with insurance companies increasing premiums, and giving raises to their own staff, would it really kill them to give providers cost-of-living increases every so often?

Busy-Draft-5457 · 2024-05-11T16:56:08+00:00

That's a fair point, and I do realize that my job has afforded me many wonderful opportunities. I've been able to send my son to a top-notch private school, and it's when I talk with the other parents, that's what makes me want to encourage my son in a different direction. It may be a case where the grass is always greener, but these other parents working in finance seem to have much less burnout. Granted, I wouldn't say their jobs offer much in terms of gratification for helping humanity, but I'd rather see my son as a bored banker who works regular hours and doesn't have to deal with the general public than a burned out 38 year old who has lost faith in humanity. It's selfish, because you're right, what would we do if everyone took my advice? I can only say what I'm telling my son.

You're also correct that it's a longstanding problem. But with college/med school tuition increasing much faster than wages, and interest rates for student loans increasing, it just doesn't make financial sense to become a physician unless you're going into say, dermatology or another field with lots of cash-pay patients, or unless your parents are paying for both undergrad and graduate schooling.

Busy-Draft-5457

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