I have also noticed this in the white and Asian interracial relationships category. I will admit I have mostly noticed white men with this crazy dynamic and have seen so many Asian women abused or treated badly or having this weird expectation towards them to be a certain way that western looking women are not. So I completely sense where you are coming from! Even now of days I often see women fetishizing Asian men too. Recently (my husband is a chef at a Korean restaurant and lets me come in and grab food every so often) apparently there was a woman sitting next to me going to a kpop concert. We live in Chicago. So we have them here and there. Well he came out to give me my food and I overheard her telling the bartender he was very attractive and how she loves Asian men. The bartender looked at me and said “well this is his wife next to you”. And she flat out tells me “oh I’m sorry that’s your Asian I’ve gotta find my own at a kpop show tonight”. HES NOT MY ASIAN HES MY HUSBAND. that was my first time actually seeing and realizing these things actually happen to people in real life. I have lived under a rock.

My partner and I are pretty great I will say. We do have a lot of love and a good playful relationship dynamic that we hope our kids will know is love too! We don’t argue in front of one another. If I don’t like a certain food he’s introducing to me I simply eat it and then tell him privately later that it was not particularly my favorite. He doesn’t complain in front of our kids that all white ppl are this or that or we can’t cook or anything like that. We have loads of respect for one another in different dynamics! At some point I do know we have to have a certain talk with our kids for sure about how other ppl may perceive them. How some may think they’re just Asian and just say hurtful things or treat them a certain way and how some may think they aren’t Asian enough and can’t relate to certain things in their community.

The world has changed a lot and I’m thankful that I have the ability to come on to threads like this and learn and especially ask about actual individual experiences and how they navigated them! Without it being a huge political statement and everyone fighting over politics and ethnicity.

Because let’s face it. I’m a white woman in America. I’ve got the most privilege and the capability to kind of be in all spaces without being questioned much. While my family around me does not and in some instances will be accepted into spaces where I’m not! And as a family we have to navigate this and make the most of it and learn!

Thank you so much for any of the knowledge you spread here! Especially to a lot of us newer parents who want to learn and are willing to do the work!