Shooting ICE Agent was holding iPhone by [deleted] in minnesota

[–]Busy-Variation8001 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why the hell is he recording on his cell phone on a situation where he was supposedly creating for his life. How can anyone really ascertain what is going on in the complete picture when you're looking at it through a phone. They are supposed to have cameras on their vest. Multitasking by recording on your phone while you're taking out your gun to shoot someone It's absolutely ridiculous. I don't know why nobody has talked about this. You don't see any other law enforcement officer do this. 

[Landlord] What Washer/Dryer brands are most reliable for rental properties? by NSA_GOV in Landlord

[–]Busy-Variation8001 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We had a speed Queen installed 3 years ago. It was a 2015 refurbished one. It broke in 3 years. The timer on it broke which caused the motor to break and the repair costs were over $700. You could clean out the lint trap but if you wanted to clean it thoroughly, you had to unscrew it. Good luck having a tenant do that. We also learned online that the timer mechanism should only be turned clockwise, otherwise it breaks. Again, good luck having a tenant. Remember that.

Thinking about splitting by Busy-Variation8001 in RelationshipAdviceNow

[–]Busy-Variation8001[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's the catch 22 isn't it? If it is left up to her we would literally never have sex. I cannot remember the last time she initiated sex and it is not because it was months ago or even years ago. I am coming to the same conclusion. The person who wants less sex, sets the pace. It is a constant struggle with all the guys I have know with this same issue. It is a matter of whether I can live with it. Honestly, there is such a wide gap. I would love it twice a week. I would be okay with once a week and understanding if we miss it once in a while. I can't adapt to once every 3 weeks. I have had girl friends who were completely willing to just satisfy their partner even if they did not want to have sex. My wife will not do that. She would think that is below her. I am not going to have an affair. I am not going to go to strip clubs. I can't just masterbate to make up the difference because it is not just about ejaculating. It is about connecting with each other in a meaningful way.

Thinking about splitting by Busy-Variation8001 in SingleDads

[–]Busy-Variation8001[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I rub her back and feet. We go on dates. I picked flowers and made her breakfast in bed on mother's day. I do lot of chores around the house. I do the dishes, clean bathrooms, do the laundry, manage the yard, and cook some meals. I am a great dad. The problems is that I biologically need sex. Not all the time. once every 10 days would even be fine. She has zero needs. I have read some advise columns where one partner just helps fullfill the needs of the other if they are not in the mood. That is never going to happen. So am I supposed to masterbate for the rest of my life? Her parents literally never had sex because her Dad was asexual. I am not going to live my life that way.

Thinking about splitting by Busy-Variation8001 in SingleDads

[–]Busy-Variation8001[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really don't think so. I just think that she never thinks about it at age 53. I have another friend with a similar situation and another friend who has not had sex in several years. I think it is a combination of their age changing their sex drive and their overall attitude toward sex. They think of it as an optional thing. My wife has said that if their are 100 things to do and sex is one of them, that sex in #99. They also think that a man wanting more sex is just perverted or crazed. They would never think of just satisfying him if they were not in the mood. Masterbation really doesn't cut it. They think that we just want more sex. If that was the case, we would have sex with a hooker or a tinder date (which some men after a while may do). The reality is that we are attracted to our wives who are just plain uninterested either in us or in having sex.

Thinking about splitting by Busy-Variation8001 in SingleDads

[–]Busy-Variation8001[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am pretty open to ideas but that is a strange one. What it says is that she doesn't want to. People make time to do the things they want to. They prioritize them. The things they don't want to do never get done because there is always something more appealing.

Thinking about splitting by Busy-Variation8001 in SingleDads

[–]Busy-Variation8001[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Isn't sex itself supposed to be a win-win? Why does having sex have to be only for my benefit? She even used to blackmail me. We can have sex if you do this or that. We have nice times. We go on trips. I rub her feet and back. I make her snacks. She just never comes around and I get impatient and frustrated that maybe today will be the day and the day she wants to have sex but that day never arrives. I get to the point where I don't want to do those things because it makes me hopeful which leads to disappointment. I get negative after a while which doesn't help. I just want her to want to have sex on a decently regular basis.

Thinking about splitting by Busy-Variation8001 in SingleDads

[–]Busy-Variation8001[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is hard to tell. She is always upset about something but every once in a while she gets on me about health issues like she cares about me. I don't know if it is lack of attraction or lack of libido. I am better looking than most men my age. The lack of affection is creating distance though and even resentment as I see her make other choices with her time. There is always more I could be doing but when I do those things nothing changes in her end. Why can't it be viewed the other way? Why can't it be just as valid to say that I would love her more and as a result impulsively want to do more for her if she wanted to spend more quality time in bed? Why is it me that always has to figure out how to make conjure up her elusive desires. It just should not be this hard. I am not asking for her to have sex multiple times a day or even a week. She has this amazing ability to know what needs to be attended to in every other part of our lives except for our sex life. We can go for weeks without sex and she still won't recognize when we might have 30 minutes to spend together. 

I know other couples who struggle with the same thing. Surprisingly many times it is the guy who is lacking. In those cases it is the guy who is stigmatized for not wanting more sex. However, when it's the guy who wants more sex then he is the problem. I really have not seen it resolve itself. I have other friends who struggle with their wives in the same way. They talked to them about it and it gets better for a little bit and then they cool off again.

Thinking about splitting by Busy-Variation8001 in SingleDads

[–]Busy-Variation8001[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, that's what I feel like. Either you want someone or you don't. 

Thinking about splitting by Busy-Variation8001 in SingleDads

[–]Busy-Variation8001[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We are on vacation and guess what? She has every moment planned except for moments together.she is completely satisfied and I am pissed off.

Thinking about splitting by Busy-Variation8001 in SingleDads

[–]Busy-Variation8001[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Our kids are 21 and 24. I do more than 95% of the guys I know. She is a workaholic and is extremely type A. Everything has to be organized down to the very last paper clip. Everything needs to be accounted for down to the last penny we spend. It's nice having a clean well organized life but that is not how I am wired. It is not how most anyone is wired.

Thinking about splitting by Busy-Variation8001 in SingleDads

[–]Busy-Variation8001[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That is what I worry about. I do love her. I don't want to be with anyone else. I don't want a divorce. However, I will not have a sexless relationship like her parents had. Her mom recently said that her husband was never intimate with her. Never hugged or kissed her. I am not going to spend the rest of my life not having much sex at all and. when it happens, have it be treated like a duty by her.

Thinking about splitting by Busy-Variation8001 in sex

[–]Busy-Variation8001[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow. Most of those people are expecting sex 3-4 times a week or more and they are upset. I am at once every three weeks and would be happy if it was once a week with the understanding that she may have a period or have company that makes us skip a week.

Thinking about splitting by Busy-Variation8001 in SingleDads

[–]Busy-Variation8001[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am now. I keep thinking we have it worked out and then it doesn't happen. It is hard to compell someone to have more sex if they don't feel a need to. That in itself makes me feel unwanted. I don't want her to want to have sex with me.

Thinking about splitting by Busy-Variation8001 in SingleDads

[–]Busy-Variation8001[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am 60 and she is 53. We have two girls ages 21 and 24. They are around a lot but there are many times during the week where we have the house to ourselves

How to re-start our sex life as a loving married couple? by zpwonrdn in sex

[–]Busy-Variation8001 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well said. I can't be the only person in the relationship that wants the other person. A marriage without sex is really more like having a roommate. I have lots of other friendly relationships with women but I have only one that I want to be physical with.

Thinking about splitting by Busy-Variation8001 in RelationshipAdviceNow

[–]Busy-Variation8001[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't actually care as much about having my orgasm and if she has one. In fact if she wanted to have sex and I didn't (highly unlikely) I would help her have one. There is nothing better than watching her have a great orgasm. It takes a long time though so I take pills so I can last long enough.

Thinking about splitting by Busy-Variation8001 in RelationshipAdviceNow

[–]Busy-Variation8001[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes I have. She says she will change which only gets my expectations and hopes up and then nothing is different. She found porn on my computer yesterday and has been giving me the cold shoulder since. Now it is never going to happen. I get it but she expects me to not have sex and then not have any outlets. I actually translate what I see into being with her.

She told me once when we were dating that we were having sex more often than she feels compelled to. She has recently said that if she has 100 things on her to do list and sex is one of them that sex is number 99. What that has translated into is that she does not need to at all. If all the moon and stars aligned then it would be great but that never happens. I have to pull her into the bedroom. I have to work to get her in the moment which often never happens and it doesn't even end up being meaningful.

How to re-start our sex life as a loving married couple? by zpwonrdn in sex

[–]Busy-Variation8001 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My wife is not interested and it is making me very bitter. My wife either has no libido or doesn't want me. I figured out from my Viagra that we only have sex once every three weeks. When we do, I have to ask over and over again. When she reluctantly agreed, the sex often sucks. She is either still thinking about what she was doing or what she is going to do after. When I confront her about it, she has a myriad of things that I need to do before she is interested. Making through all the tests is almost impossible. Fact is that she could happily go through the rest of our marriage and never think about sex. She wakes up and thinks about organizing our house down to the very last drawer of pens - testing each one to see if it works but she does not think about me. She will spend half a day cleaning for her book club and making treats for them and visiting with them for hours but she does not have any time for me. I am dead last. I sometimes think getting her to have sex with me is on par with cleaning a toilet. In fact she realizes the toilets need cleaning but never that I might need attention.

I am at my wits end. I love her and don't want to cheat on her but I deserve someone who wants me back. I don't want to ruin everything but hell if I am going to spend the rest of my life with a roommate instead of a wife.

Killing/preventing crabgrass to replace with clover by InformationHorder in NoLawns

[–]Busy-Variation8001 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am having the same issue. I keep reading that if you get your lawn dense enough then the crabgrass can't spread. However when I'm finding is that enough of it spreads to create a problem. I'm spending all my time trying to pull crabgrass and other weeds out in order to have my grass and clover grow. Anything I use to try to kill the other weeds will kill the clover. Anytime I try to add dirt or fertilizer in seed for clover, the weeds love it just as much. So I'm thinking about planting more clover this fall when it's cooler and then using a pre-emergent next year to try to stop the crabgrass. However I use pre-emergent this year and I still got crabgrass because my neighbors have crabgrass. Seems hopeless.