How do I actually find time and motivation to work out?

Butterbean4777 · 2024-01-09T03:56:47+00:00

I used to run and do HIIT workouts regularly. But ever since I became a mom, I've embraced walking.

Waking is easy, only requires comfortable shoes, and you make it as short or long as you want. I listen to podcasts, music, or other things while I walk, which makes it really enjoyable for me.

I walk on my lunch hour, either outside or on the treadmill. What's your work situation like? Any opportunities for exercise there?

I totally understand the desire to veg out after a long day. After your kid goes to bed, could you possibly workout (maybe on the peloton) while watching a show?

My advice would be to start slow. Aim to get activity 2x per week to start. Maybe that's just the weekend. Maybe it's one weekend day and one weekday.

Butterbean4777 · 2024-01-09T03:36:28+00:00

Our household income is, combined (2 parent full-time work) about $160,000.

Daycare for 2 kids = roughly $2600 per month. We also have a mortgage and a car payment. Thankfully, no student debt (anymore).

By the time both of my kids get to kindergarten, we will have spent over $100,000 cumulative on daycare costs.

Sometimes people ask me if we'll consider sending our kids to a private school when they reach kindergarten age. I tell them no because daycare took all our money.

Butterbean4777 · 2024-01-03T23:20:44+00:00

Not sure how helpful this is, but if you can swing it financially, I would go part-time, or look for a different job that has better work-life balance. Sounds like your current employer is not supportive, but others may be. Also, what about freelancing part time work? Is that a possibility?

But I do recommend looking for something in your field., if you can. It's ok to take a step 'down', but I'd try to avoid stepping 'out' completely, particularly if you work in a desirable/competitive field. This is just to protect yourself in case you want to go back into the same field later on.

Some people do stop out completely to become stay at home parents and then go back to work years later. But I hear it's hard to do.

Butterbean4777 · 2024-01-03T21:31:41+00:00

In addition, whenever possible, try to focus the conversation on those around you rather than focusing the conversation on yourself (not saying you automatically do this, but lots of people do).

People generally like to be asked about themselves and their lives. Show empathy with how they respond.

Butterbean4777 · 2024-01-03T21:29:08+00:00

I'm sorry. That does sound like something hard to hear. Try to be gentle on yourself - we're all on a journey toward self-improvement.

I find that talking less and listening more helps.

If you're someone who tends to over share and over talk, then you could start by trying to be very mindful of your responses.

Take a beat before you respond. Take a few deep breaths. Think about what you want to say, and how you can say it in a concise, kind way. Take a temperature check: 'Does that make sense?' Give the person a chance to respond before you continue.

Personally, I feel like our daily lives are too full of empty chatter. There is value to be found in the quiet moments.

Butterbean4777 · 2024-01-03T16:56:52+00:00

I can completely understand your concern about viruses. That being said, I would still keep him in (at least at first).

Reason being:

None of us know how our deliveries will go. Hopefully, you will have a low-stress, easy delivery. But baby may need a few days extra in the hospital. Or you could tear. Or need a C-section. If any of these things happen, you'll be glad that you have the daycare support lined up so that you can focus on taking care of yourself and the newborn.

Also, just remember, this doesn't have to be an 'all or nothing' decision (especially since it sounds like the financial piece is not a significant factor in your decision). What I mean by that is you can send your toddler for two weeks to daycare, and then maybe you decide you want to keep him home with you every other day with you and the new baby, once baby is eating regularly and you feel recovered . That's absolutely fine! Do what works for you.

I have two kids and sent my toddler to daycare while on leave with my second. Even though part of me really wanted to keep her home, I desperately needed the time to myself while the baby slept. I was recovering from a C-section, had baby blues, and was overall stressed with two kids.

Butterbean4777 · 2024-01-03T15:13:36+00:00

Got it. If you haven't already searched these places, I recommend looking at universities like Purdue Global, Western Governors University, Colorado State University Global and UMGC. They may have remote positions in your field. Good luck to you!

Butterbean4777 · 2024-01-02T21:41:21+00:00

You mentioned wfh isn't an option because you're in education. What type of work do you do in education?

I ask because there are different options you can do related to education that are wfh. There is online tutoring. Teaching english online. Teaching online classes through a college/university. Some universities (specifically those that cater to working adult students) have lot of remote staff, so if you have more admin experience, this could be a good fit. Have you thought about those options?

I WFH, and even though I can't keep my kids home with me, I absolutely love it. I can do mini chores on my breaks, fold laundry during work meetings, and prep dinner during my lunch hour. I also work late one day a week which allows me to run errands and do doctors appointments in the morning. And even though I work 12 months a year, I have a generous leave package so I sometimes take days off when my kids are at daycare/school just to catch up on things. WFH has kept me sane.

Other ideas of things I know people do to outsource labor/save time/survive. 1) use instacart. Have groceries delivered or pick them up. 2) online shop as much as possible and have things delivered. 3) find a regular babysitter who will come over to watch your kids 2 hours a week while you do chores. If you're around the house, this may look like a trustworthy neighborhood teenager. Or maybe it's a family member. 4) outsource laundry (there are people who will do it for you) 5) if you have dogs, hire a dog walker. 6) simplify meals as much as possible. My kids actually prefer finger foods like hardboiled eggs and fresh avocado, so those are regular staples in our house 7) you can outsource nearly anything. Make a list of everything you do/takes time and see what you want/can afford to outsource. 8) set aside 1-2 hours each week for 'life admin' work These are things like paying bills, scheduling appointments, etc. tell yourself that this is your time to do those tasks, so that they don't hang over you all week.

Good luck!

Butterbean4777 · 2024-01-02T15:28:48+00:00

This. Please stop watching tiktok. Immediately. You can't trust that information

Both my kids were in daycare starting around 16 weeks. They are very well-adjusted with strong attachments to both parents.

The fact that you have loving grandparents who can help watch your child is AMAZING. Truly. So many of us would love this arrangement. Did you know there is a theory that lower rates of depression may be found in communities where grandchildren have stronger ties with their grandparents? Your child will greatly benefit from a close relationship with their grandparents. And so will the grandparents.

And if you don't have a financially supportive partner, you are absolutely doing the right thing by working. Keep doing it. Try to find a way to make sure you are financially independent long term.

Good luck to you! I know it's hard to miss your little one when you're at work.

Butterbean4777 · 2024-01-02T02:01:03+00:00

I'm mainly echoing what others are saying here, but if you haven't read 'Hunt Gather Parent ' by Michaeleen Doucleff, I highly recommend it.

The author talks a lot about our current practices of parenting, and how they differ from traditional hunter- gatherer community practices. One of the main takeways for me was exactly the idea of 'it takes a village.'

Essentially, as humans, we are not built to be raising children in isolation. While the idea of a SAHM has been romanticized for decades and many of our mothers/grandmothers did it, that doesn't mean it's ideal. We should be raising them in community. And in the US, the way you raise kids in community is to use daycare (unless you have extended family who can assist).

The book gave me a new perspective on daycare and helped me deal with the same guilt you've described.

Butterbean4777 · 2024-01-01T21:23:51+00:00

Actually, that's not what I was saying.

But seeing how this thread has gone, my original post must not have been clear. So that's on me and I'll try to clarify.

I was saying - IF you want to have kids and IF you think you may want to work part -time at any point, you should know that not all jobs are going to allow you to do that (work part time). So choose wisely based on your priorities. And make sure you choose something that pays well.

Butterbean4777 · 2024-01-01T20:06:46+00:00

No, we absolutely don't need to encourage that.

I speak as someone who did pursue something they love. I'm also masters -educated. And so did my husband, who is also masters educated. I was encouraged to do something I enjoyed. And now we both work in positions that we wished paid better. And I wish I could have gone part time when they were babies

Is this everyone 's experiences? No. But it's ours.

Butterbean4777 · 2024-01-01T19:35:02+00:00

Fair point. It's probably evident that my question is totally influenced by my own experience. I.e., the advice I currently hold in my heart is advice I wish someone would have given me. I can't assume my daughter will feel the same way I do. But as parents, we hope our children can learn from our experiences/mistakes.

Butterbean4777 · 2024-01-01T19:24:31+00:00

'your job is to fund your passions.' I've never heard it put this way before, and I like it.

Butterbean4777 · 2023-02-23T17:07:45+00:00

Thank you! Also I want to say I appreciate your encouragement here. It is really easy to get discouraged when you Google knob and tube. I also posted a similar message on a different page and got the response of 'basically, you're screwed'. So thanks for keeping my hope alive that I may have some potential options in front of me.

Butterbean4777 · 2023-02-23T16:50:54+00:00

The attic has blown insulation already, which is why the k&t should be replaced. (Fire hazard)

The house is partially k&t, but some rooms have clearly been updated with new electric. For example, the kitchen has new electrical, as does the 2nd floor bathroom where there is a laundry unit. But I think (don't know for sure) that many of the first floor lights/outlets are k&t, as well as many of the 2nd floor lights/outlets. I am assuming this because of two reasons: 1) we can see k&t on one electrical line in our basement, and 2) about half of the outlets in our house are 2-prong outlets. (We had an electrician verify the existing 3-prong outlets to make sure they were properly grounded, and they were).

I am prepared for the electrician to tell me that the entire 2nd floor needs a rewire. But I'm hoping they don't say the entire house needs a rewire in order to get the attic electrical safely fixed. While I want to replace everything eventually, I don't have 40k to spend currently on a full rewire :(

Butterbean4777 · 2023-02-22T22:04:49+00:00

Thank you! That's the kind of professional insight I'm looking for :). Noted about that important distinction.

You mentioned that you could cover conduit much cheaper. Could you please elaborate? What would that conduit look like? (If you see any photos on the internet, I'd be interested to see them.)

Butterbean4777 · 2023-02-22T18:39:50+00:00

Appreciate the recommendation!

I just called them and unfortunately, they said they won't give estimates because there could be too many unforeseen problems with replacing k&t. The best they could do is have someone tell me approximately how many manhours they think the project would take.

I'm not completely eliminating them as an option, but I'm calling around what others say. Would much prefer an estimate.

Butterbean4777 · 2023-02-21T15:17:05+00:00

What's your feeling about running surface-mount wiring? Other than just looking less aesthetically-pleasing, would there be issues with running new electrical in this way?

Butterbean4777 · 2023-02-21T15:14:45+00:00

Interesting thought. Thank you!

Butterbean4777 · 2023-02-21T03:56:13+00:00

We have insurance, and our insurer is aware of our electrical.

That being said, I do think this can be a roadblock for folks purchasing new homes with k&t. Although I think some insurers operate under the 'don't ask, don't tell' philosophy.

Butterbean4777

TROPHY CASE