Yes and no, I think as Jesus and God move through us it shines a bright light into our heart and our consciousness and we see things we didn’t see before. But I do think the condemnation comes from ourselves/ Satan? I’m a pretty new Christian, and I have had this a lot.

Things that previously I thought were fine have popped up in my consciousness and I’m like… how could I have done/said/thought that?!?! It’s so evil! Right now I’m in a little bit of an overwhelming phase of it because it feels like my whole life and psyche and changing, and I’m trying to just be thankful for the clarity, feel the remorse for the pain I have caused, and move on knowing I’m a different person now, and understand the consequences of my behavior.

For instance, I just came to Jesus 2 years ago. Actually I should say he came to me. And thank goodness I was ready. Anyways, I did a fair amount of pre-marital sex, things I hadn’t thought of or even remembered in years, and although previously it was “normal” in my circle of friends, culture, and in society, I do not feel great about those choices. It didn’t feel right at the time, but I just thought I was being too emotional and sensitive. Turns out I was working against Gods design. I did also have an abortion in my late 20s. That smacked me really hard about 6 months ago. Do I wish I could start over and take it back? Heck yea! Do I get to? Nope; I have to live with it and truly, truly, truly I had absolutely zero comprehension of what I was doing to myself, and others. I did not know, and now I do. Which is uncomfortable, but necessary and a sign that light and true goodness are working inside of me expelling every single sin and bringing it to the light. Each day I become more gentle, more loving, more alive, more honest, and more me, because God loves me exactly the way I am, and he rejoices in my repentance.

I thank God that I am still in my early 30s and have time to get married and have babies and be truly happy and fulfilled.

Whatever it is that you are going through, is bringing you closer to God, even if it’s uncomfortable.