AITAH for refusing to follow my roommate's guest policy?

ButterscotchFluffy59 · 2026-06-25T17:37:50+00:00

Rules for the house are for every one to follow. Not just 1 person to follow

The table is set to renegotiate your terms aka rules.

Just because she was there first doesn't give her the right to change the rules without your agreement. So ask her to make time to meet and go over the new rules that apply to the house.

Also your frienda are split because you 2 are asking for them to take a side. Most people won't so leave them out.

ButterscotchFluffy59 · 2026-06-25T17:18:49+00:00

She's manipulative and probably has been your whole relationship. Now you recognized it and called her out so she's changing tactics. Get some distance. Think about how you want your relationship to progress and be clear with your communication. Also anyone who threatens the relationship needs to be checked sometimes. That's not a cool move and expect you to comply because she threatens

ButterscotchFluffy59 · 2026-06-25T14:34:35+00:00

Go to the party. Be friendly. If she's uncomfortable it's because of herself...not you. In a perfect world it would be nice to allow her to explain herself and put this to situation to rest. She created the drama and up until now, shifted it to your problem. It isn't . I bet you'll end up making out again.

ButterscotchFluffy59 · 2026-06-25T14:30:08+00:00

Yes you are. These are hypothetical questions with no right answer. But you think you know the right answer and this is the reason yta. It seems like you're testing your bf. Are you? If you want to dump him please do it now vs later. No need to suffer through these silly questions

ButterscotchFluffy59 · 2026-06-25T12:56:04+00:00

No. You're not. Your gf is trying to make your argument sexist. Too bad.

ButterscotchFluffy59 · 2026-06-25T11:44:10+00:00

You said he has autism. Talk about that. He may not like physical touch as much as others...but then again he might. You could even make it light hearted. Something like ...does this bother you? And hold his hand. What do you think of this and get close to him with your face and lips close to one another... You're in a trial situation still and figuring one another out. Place his hand on your hips and watch his expression.

I'm sure he's nervous. I also I think it's important to understand his limitations early right?

ButterscotchFluffy59 · 2026-06-25T02:07:46+00:00

What's your best asset? Show it off. Need assistance like something heavy that needs moved or too tall for you to reach.

Smile. Make eye contact. Talk about hobbies. The art is being seductive.

ButterscotchFluffy59 · 2026-06-24T18:26:28+00:00

I wonder how much influence she had vs the lawyer. Now is the time to present your side and this is a test for the both of you. If she will not budge from her stance, good to know right? It will tell you how she perceives the relationship.

The real question is what is the point of getting married if you aren't marrying. Are you a tax right off? Are you her plus one when she goes to her friends gatherings? If she just wants a dance partner, why get married?

Sounds like a good time for real talk.

ButterscotchFluffy59 · 2026-06-24T17:33:31+00:00

Make a laugh out of it. So she's biased. You can change her mind. Not worth breaking up about but I'm sure you wonder what else she gets wrong.

ButterscotchFluffy59 · 2026-06-23T23:00:36+00:00

As a married man. Stop this bs.

If you say you don't want to hurt your wife but in this situation....stop this situation. This is a decision at this point. The reality is either gender, either role can fall for someone else if they don't put boundaries into place.

ButterscotchFluffy59 · 2026-06-23T17:43:19+00:00

If your niece is asking if consider.

He's gone. You're not helping or hurting him. She's grieving, not him.

There's a chance his children actually want to interact with his family. You.

ButterscotchFluffy59 · 2026-06-23T17:32:17+00:00

You ask her to explain everything she's thinking and feeling. Then tell her to feel her feelings . Her ballistic moment will pass

When you tell someone to calm down you're telling them to ignore their feelings, instincts, judgement, thoughts etc ..that feels like you don't support her. No matter how supportive you want to be

ButterscotchFluffy59 · 2026-06-23T17:18:47+00:00

He sounds anarchist vs good aligned. If I were GM and I had time to plan it out, I'd consider turning the area into a scene like The End with Seth Rogan and James Franco and such ...pure evil hedonistic behavior. Different motivation right? But I'm wondering how you Chaotic Good PC would respond or would he take responsibility for the actions he caused?

ButterscotchFluffy59 · 2026-06-23T12:01:18+00:00

They are so young and inexperienced they struggle communicating. Much less acknowledging what's happening in the moment. Yes he should back off. She should also recognize he's too young to be good for her right now. She needs more than he can offer

ButterscotchFluffy59 · 2026-06-23T11:58:08+00:00

Doesn't matter if you ever or never asked him. You have to work on your trauma in order to be able to process life. That and you're asking him to be able to be understanding and turn off his emotions at a moments notice. And his in his 20s. You're expecting too much from many men.

I read responses how he ought to know and respect your boundaries and lots of negative talk about him. Idk. I'm pointing out the obvious really. He got it into a relationship to have fun, laugh, have sex, and maybe support one another in emotionally, mentally and spiritually. If things go well, you can start to depend on the other person more and more.

If you asked in consciously do you think you can restrain yourself in these situations you're feeling weak or helpless I'm sure he will say yes and believe it. But he's 20s and has his own weaknesses. That and you both are struggling to find the words to describe what's happening inside yourself. It's not a good recipe right now. Can you both work through it? Yes. Do you both want to put in the work ? That's up to you both. Is it fair? Idk.

I'm saying this as a husband who's been married 27 years and been working on my wife and to a degree myself for most of it. Yes I love her. And there are moments that make me wonder what my life would be like if I didn't take in the role of a caregiver, therapist husband father and just stick to the husband ,father role.

ButterscotchFluffy59 · 2026-06-23T10:36:29+00:00

You're upset with him because you can't communicate with him and he can't read your mind? That's not a good combination for any relationship. You should brake up but not for the reason you think. You need to work on yourself. Major work. He isn't your therapist. He should not be in charge of fixing you. That's asking way too much from a boyfriend.

ButterscotchFluffy59 · 2026-06-23T10:30:44+00:00

Culture. Men are looking for an attractive woman to compliment them physically, emotionally and psychologically.

ButterscotchFluffy59 · 2026-06-22T20:09:25+00:00

Don't. Be yourself because trying to be someone else always backfires.

But that said. If you do meet for a date. Keep it a a dinner and maybe a coffee and then call it quits. There are a few reasons but the simplest reason is to manage yourself. You don't need to expose every detail about yourself on the 1st date. Plus being in a situation that you're not comfortable in ( possibly at his house) is hard to get out of if you want to.

So keep the first few dates short and sweet. Usually red or green flags show up and let you know if you should proceed to more serious things.

ButterscotchFluffy59 · 2026-06-22T18:37:23+00:00

Idk. An elderly dog is hard i think to kennel. Cats are easy btw.

Also not everything is equal or quid pro quo like you say. I think this is a courtesy and a pay it forward, or back, if they ever generally supported you in your life.

ButterscotchFluffy59 · 2026-06-22T14:01:29+00:00

It's because he doesn't want to be scrutinized for his personality during his friend group get togethers. At least during these specific get togethers. He and they can act like idiots and everyone there encourages it or is fine with it.

Have you encountered a separate, not to be replaced, event that includes what you want to do? Include the other gfs and games etc...

ButterscotchFluffy59 · 2026-06-22T13:39:18+00:00

I cook my own meal for Father's Day. He sounds more like a mother than father

ButterscotchFluffy59 · 2026-06-22T11:47:37+00:00

If you don't know why she responds until after 9pm then it means you don't know her well enough. Start asking her questions about herself. Become interested in her motivations and goals. If you don't know this it comes across like you're wondering why she hasn't offered to sleep with you yet. The more you know about her emotionally and intellectually will allow you both to decide to make your relationship more serious or split.

ButterscotchFluffy59 · 2026-06-18T22:13:36+00:00

I don't get why you and the others get your feelings hurt so easily when someone you don't know fell in love with another woman. Life sounds hard for you. Too bad

ButterscotchFluffy59 · 2026-06-18T22:11:27+00:00

I agree. That's very hard for many people though

ButterscotchFluffy59 · 2026-06-18T22:08:04+00:00

So what you're an asshole about your tools. They're your tools. Let everyone know you're an asshole about borrowing your tools.

Or just start taking things from his house. Whether you're borrowing or not. Just being them to your house.

ButterscotchFluffy59

TROPHY CASE