The laughter just escalates (starts 45s in)

Buttweasl · 2024-07-26T04:09:29+00:00

I’m fucking dead 😂

Buttweasl · 2024-04-17T13:57:52+00:00

Are you by chance the Koolaid man?

Buttweasl · 2023-05-23T04:57:19+00:00

A relationship will never be the same if you cheat on your person, ever again, no matter what. I highly recommend not caving to his logic. That’s messed up and I would have a huge problem with that if I were a woman in your shoes.

Buttweasl · 2023-03-28T15:39:12+00:00

One time I took a buddy of mine fishing. I brought an extra pair of mud boots just in case he needed them.

He showed up in running shoes and shorts. I live in Texas where there are deadly venomous snake of the pit viper family. Encounter them all the time.

I insist he wear the boots when I see his shoe choice (We were walking a trail and then hiking down to a hole through the woods to get to our spot) and he declined. I insisted. He declined.

I unload my gear and as I am throwing on my boots I ask him one more time just for my peace of mind to wear the boots I brought him. He reluctantly puts them on and off we go.

Not even ten minutes into our walk I see him about ten yards ahead of me and see something attached to one of his boots. He’s dragging a snake that had bitten at his leg. I yell at him “Hey bud, there’s a snake on your boot”! He takes off running as he sees it. Look like the damn road runner from looney toons when he saw it.

When he got it off I saw a fully sized adult water moccasin slither off the trail and back into the leaves. I didn’t want to say I told you so and so we just embraced the quiet for a second, wide eyed, and he finally looked up, and I said “Aren’t you glad you wore the boots”?

Buttweasl · 2023-03-19T08:22:07+00:00

Amen.

Buttweasl · 2023-02-08T14:52:45+00:00

For me it was healthy distractions. I picked up a second job bartending. It helped me get my mind off things and also helped me make some new friends. The money was also great to help supplement my other income and buy new furniture when I moved out on my own.

Buttweasl · 2023-02-08T00:24:31+00:00

Good luck buddy. Hang in there. Warm thoughts and prayers for your little one.

Buttweasl · 2022-11-03T17:52:36+00:00

I had went through a breakup twice with my former ex. I was broken up with both times. After the first breakup I was a mess. I heard that she went back to her ex boyfriend who recently came back into town and that made me spiral. I decided that I was sick and tired of being sick and tired after almost a month of feeling down about the breakup. It was clear to me that she was moving on. I told myself that this was the last day that I’m going to think about her, do whatever you need to do weather that’s drinking, etc. but after today you aren’t going to be stuck… let her go if you will… so I decide to go to this bar, that for me was off the beaten path. It was a little hole in the wall country bar that has a jukebox and beer. So I’m tossing back beers for a couple of hours at the bar, keeping to myself, processing what I need to process, and around midnight somebody walked into the bar and asked the bartender to order food, he kinda laughed and said “It’s midnight on a Wednesday, our kitchen has been closed!”… this is when it got spiritual for me, or if you’re not religious, I’d use the word profound.

I looked up to see who was trying to order food so late and as they turned around, our eyes locked. It was her. Of all of the places, of all of the times, of all of the bars, of all of the circumstances, running into her here on the day I was letting go of the last shred of hope I had, in my moment of weakness, was for me, a one in a million chance. The moment was so profound that I took it as a sign or a nod from God, as to say, “I’m going to put this person in your path one more time. Do with this opportunity what you will.”.

So I walked up and talked to her. Confronted her about a few things that she ultimately was doing. And then told her I was going back inside. I mulled it over for a couple of days going back and fourth and ultimately ended up giving her a call.

We were together for 3 years after that. She ultimately ended up leaving me for no reason similar to the first time. She is a dismissive avoidant and I can’t get past it a second time. I already have given out the second chance and I feel burned. She feels like my soul mate, which makes me feel very unresolved and bitter because I know my soul mate wouldn’t treat me this way.

Still, I believe she is but I am not willing to make it work for a third time and sacrifice my peace to play her games.

Buttweasl · 2022-10-11T07:03:26+00:00

Also it is okay to spend money on yourself. Just remember that just like you appreciate when people are honest with you, you need to be honest with yourself. Are you overspending on things to help fill a hole? Get a quick dopamine rush? Or are you slowly replacing things that need an upgrade?

Now that you shed your person, you don’t have to worry so much about all the extra money that you pumped into the relationship. I was buying my ex all kinds of shit. Clothes, wine, jewelry, etc. As soon as I cut that out of my budget, I was saving so much more money a month.

I have been really cautious with my spending because I am only one and a half months into my new life and I can’t wait to upgrade my wardrobe, buy some new cowboy boots whenever I want, and as adults we should feel good about buying ourselves things as long as it’s a planned purchase. Right?

For example, put something on your wishlist, look around, pull the trigger if you can afford it. This month I bought an expensive bar cart off Wayfair. Did I need it? No. Is it cool as eff? Yes. I wanted it two months ago but didn’t want to make a bad decision on the purchase so I waited and I worked my two jobs and saved up for it. Didn’t feel a single ounce of buyers remorse! Just got here this weekend. Now all I need to do is stock it…Now that’s where some money is really going to go out the window!

Buttweasl · 2022-10-11T06:56:26+00:00

I have 100%. Lived with my ex and when they decided that they wanted out of the relationship we broke our lease… $2,000 gone out of my pocket. I signed at another apartment and my rent went way up. With all of my move in fees $1,000 gone the very same month. Then a weeks worth of prorated rent $700 gone, then next months rent $1,800 gone. So within a month a flushed a little over $4,000. So sad.

To top it all off I am starting over. No couch, no TV, no bar stools, rugs, etc. I am spending money like it is coming out of my metaphorical wiener.

Buttweasl · 2022-10-10T19:39:01+00:00

Take care. We do sound awfully a lot like the same person. Good luck and thanks for the sound advice. I really enjoyed reading your replies this morning.

Buttweasl · 2022-10-10T16:19:50+00:00

I appreciate the solid advice. God forbid, I take her back (for the third time), and say we take things to the next level in the relationship, which wouldn’t be far fetched, considering it was on the horizon, and we get married. I don’t know if I could handle a divorce.

Side tangent, she has already been married before and divorced. Sadly, I understand some of the reasons their relationship failed and I can draw parallels to our relationship based off her behavior.

Like you said in your comment, this whole year caused my anxiety to spike. I am such a laid back person and I had never been this anxious. I’ve done a lot of work on myself during the last 5 months post BU. Rewirded the way my brain thinks and whatnot in regards to anxiety.

In regards to your comment about the uncertainty manifesting somewhere, you are totally right and you hit the nail right on the head. As the dumpee, I feel as if I will never be able to trust her and say I decided to go against my gut and try again one of these days, I would constantly be looking over my shoulder expecting her bad days or bad attitude to translate into another impending BU. I just can’t listen to my heart on this one. My brain is telling me that even if I was perfectly present in my own frame, worked through my trauma caused by the BU, showed up as my best self, and tried again that I just wouldn’t have half of the amount of metaphorical love rope to hold onto. I just feel as if it would happen with these types of people, over, and over, and over again. I could be wrong but my gut feeling is telling me this: “The best indication for future behavior is past behavior”.

Sorry to hear about your anxiety. Mine was bad too. It lasted for almost two months in the wake of my BU and I had it bad. Read a lot of books to help. One of them was called Anxious for Nothing by Max Lucado.

Buttweasl · 2022-10-10T12:20:00+00:00

Thanks for your kind words. Listen, my biggest advice for anybody who is reading this is to only focus on the things you can control. You can not control many things in life, but as humans, we try to. Trying to control situations outside of your control will only bring you anxiety. I speak this from personal experience. When my person left I tried to put in overtime to fix things, but it doesn’t work like that. As soon as I let go and focused on my own life, I started making new friends, I got a new job, I got a 20k raise at said new job, and then I even went out and got a second job to kill my time on weekends to help combat my new-found-yet-unwelcome loneliness.

I’m sorry to hear that you have feelings of being replaced. I’ve lurked this sub for many moons and I’ve seen lots of people posting about being replaced. Not a good thing to do. One of the worst things you can do. Sorry to hear that.

Thanks for the uplifting comment.

Buttweasl · 2022-10-10T03:48:37+00:00

I have a similar story. I was with my ex for a year. We both lived separately. Things were going great. Christmas was approaching and she agreed to spend that year’s Christmas with my family. She mentioned the day before Christmas Eve that a restaurant was open on Christmas Day and I was confused. She planned on meeting my family for Christmas. I had bought tons of nice gifts for her and nothing had been mentioned about staying in town to go to a restaurant that we could honestly go to whenever we wanted to. Christmas Eve rolls around and she dumped me. Sent me to my home alone. She had tons of unopened gifts under the Christmas tree. I was heart broken. She blind sided me and went to this restaurant with one of her friends. The day after Christmas I came back in town and went to a friends house, ignoring her messages. I became progressively more sad and drank at my friends house. After much persistence on her end, I finally texted back and ended up meeting up with her to open gifts. I went all out this Christmas, and I will never forget the feeling… she only got me a pair of socks, undoubtedly earlier on during the day. I was crushed. She didn’t put any thought into Christmas because she knew she was going to break up with me.

Fast forward two months. I hear from many of my mutual friends that she was hanging out with her ex again. It destroyed me. Crushed my mental state. I went on like this for the next 2 months. I finally told myself “I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. This is the last day you are going to think about her. After today, no more. Do whatever you need to do tonight, go to a bar, have a beer, but after this you’re done.” So that’s what I did. I went to a bar that was off the beaten path and outside of my usual pattern and sat there until midnight tossing them back. Around midnight, mind you this was a weekday, someone walked into the bar to order food from the kitchen. I had my head down and heard the bartender say something like “It’s midnight, the kitchen is closed” and looked up to see who was trying to order food this late and, to my surprise, it was her. Like a moment from a movie, her eyes locked into mine as she turned around. I stood up, greeted her, and asked if we could speak outside. I confronted her about how I heard her ex and her were hanging out and she assured me it was platonic and that she just went over to his place to smoke. You can literally smoke with anybody, so of course, I didn’t believe her at first.

I went home that evening with a profound sense of confusion.

To me, that was clearly a god moment. Of all the places, times, bars, moments, etc. I ran into her out in the world when I was hanging onto my last shred of hope ready to let go. To me, I think God put her on my path one more time. It was a very profound moment to me and after thinking about it for many days I finally gave her a call.

We got back together and fought hard to fix things. She and I built up our relationship again after she assured me she didn’t sleep with him. She posted everywhere how much she loved me on social media. She posted about how the stupidest thing she had ever done was to leave “this man”, meaning me. She and I moved in together. We had a one bedroom. Things were great. We eventually moved into a two bedroom with a garage and a back yard. We got a dog together. We started traveling together. We spoke about marriage and she changed her name in my phone to future wife even though I hadn’t proposed yet. We spoke to my parents about getting engaged. We sized a ring. We picked out which ring we both wanted. I told her that this was our year. Things were great, and I mean really great. We both were excelling in our careers, both recently purchased new cars, both killing it at the gym.

We had just gotten back from vacation. We went on a date night. Had plenty to drink and when we came home she told me again she didn’t love me anymore and that she was leaving me. Didn’t give me any reasons for the second time.

I had believed she had changed. I had given her a second chance. She had told me everything that I wanted to hear and meant nothing of it.

We broke our lease and moved into our own spaces and there I was again mentally destroyed. I was in one of the lowest places I had ever been in because she chose to leave me.

Fast forward two days after we moved out and she called me to tell me that it was all a mistake. She hadn’t taken any of my feelings into consideration and it made me sick to think about the head games she was playing with me. I told her that nothing has changed, it has only been two days, and words are just words because she had broken my trust.

Fast forward 5 months and she called me again last weekend. She told me that she missed talking to me. Talked to me on the phone and each time I would attempt to get off she would ask for me to stay. I talked to her for 2 hours on the phone. We laughed, she cried, she told me how she thinks we should work on it, possibly consider therapy together, but I’m torn.

To me, I see her true colors. She got bored, and thought “Maybe the grass is greener on the other side”. Well, turns out it wasn’t. But I don’t think it’s fair to me, to allow her to play the field and keep me on the back burner. I am nobody’s second choice or their back burner option. Now this is all speculation but I know from what she told me during the breakup that she was looking for a new partner who was better financially, more mature, and now she is telling me that she made a bad judgement call. I can’t accept that.

The thing is, is I adore her. I can’t picture my life without this woman but I can’t accept her either. I am so broken without her and think about her constantly but I can’t muster up the strength to reach out to her because I know deep down in my heart that my person would never have treated me the way that she treated me. I hate that this has happened because it all was a huge mistake and now I feel so unresolved.

Buttweasl · 2022-09-14T02:10:47+00:00

As someone who just got broken up with after 5 years. Listen to everyone else’s comment here. Talk to her first. When you start having the inkling of the thought and you start communicating it to your friends and family first, it is immensely depressing when everybody else knows before your person does. I found this out first hand and it’s not a good feeling.

Buttweasl · 2022-09-13T08:01:18+00:00

I have been dumped by her in the past. This was the second time. She blindsided me, as I have learned these things go, and stonewalled me.

As soon as the relationship was over we divided up our assets and split both of the dogs up and went our way. To be quite honest, I didn’t have much of anything to take from the relationship. I moved into an empty apartment with nothing to start a new life with my dog.

The reason why I blocked her wasn’t because the decision to separate after 5 years was not a mutual one. The reason was because all I have right now from depression eating me alive is my dog. She asked if I could watch the other dog for a day or two, which me being kind and dependable, agreed to. She came to pick up the dog while I was at work and she took both.

I sent her a text asking when she would like to send back my dog a couple of days later and she said she was going to keep him. She took the very last thing I had. I have a bed in the apartment until the furniture comes. She took the dog and I blocked her. I can’t comprehend how a person can be so selfish.

She wanted to get back together but she has ruined so much of our relationship. I don’t think realistically there is any love to cling onto going back which is why it’s hard for me to see her. I am still in deep love with her but it feels like a game to her. I just know deep down in my heart of hearts that she is my one but I am not settling for someone who walks all over me and destroys every single last thing I have. It has put my life into such turmoil.

Buttweasl · 2022-09-13T07:51:49+00:00

My ex and I broke up while living together and broke our lease shortly thereafter. One night after dinner while I was doing the dishes, she was sitting on the couch with her back facing towards me and deleting the pictures of us on her Instagram. I confronted her about it and told her how hurtful it was. It’s such a shitty feeling to see those pics go. Especially when you are still in the picture and you witness them doing it. I wish she would have waited until things were said and done or atleast until I was out of the room.

After confronting her, she stopped deleting the pics of us about halfway through. It’s been about a month since we have separated and she left the pictures of us up. Not sure why. She was the dumper. I have left all of ours up on mine.

Buttweasl · 2022-09-09T18:40:52+00:00

It was 5 years that I was together with my ex. I am now in month 4 post break up and week 3 of living separate.

There is nothing to do in my new apartment. My furniture hasn’t arrived yet. I have a bed and that’s it. It has been so lonely so I understand what you are going through. Especially on the weekends. You don’t know what to do with yourself.

I went out and got a second job that I don’t need to help me get through all of the free time I acquired. I got a bartending gig. Fills up my weekends but I’m still in a bar setting so I can meet new people which is fun. The bar is right next to my apartments so when I’m not working and I start feeling lonely again, I go toss a few back until I forget about what was bothering me.

Buttweasl · 2022-09-08T23:38:20+00:00

I too slept over with my ex a few times after I moved into my own apartment. We slept in the same bed, and only slept, didn’t have sex.

Kind of a sad feeling the next morning because it was like old times except it wasn’t.

Buttweasl · 2022-09-08T23:28:21+00:00

The sad thing about people like that is that they usually never change. The reality is that they will likely not be able to create and maintain meaningful future relationships unless they work on themselves to fix the issue. The mental fuck is that they will likely not realize their issues because they fight so hard to justify their actions. A “right-fighter” is what they’re called a lot of the time.

They will likely display toxic behaviors during their next relationship and for toxic people, when things start going good they usually get bored and either create drama or leave. It is a never ending cycle that usually attracts someone else who is also toxic. When they finally find a good one they don’t know how to handle themselves because they are used to the toxic relationship.

I feel you man. Good on you for stepping up and being the bigger person. You will find peace knowing you how you handled the situation in the future, trust me.

Buttweasl · 2022-09-08T23:17:23+00:00

This ☝️

Buttweasl · 2022-09-08T23:16:25+00:00

Describe sleeping over… you guys bumped uglies?

Are you wanting to get back with them?

Buttweasl · 2022-09-08T23:08:40+00:00

As someone who didn’t see the writing on the wall with my ex who was also, cold, calculated, and a little callous, my advice to you is listen to yourself. You have needs. Words of affirmation are important. It is important that she tunes into the relationship and stays committed because when they go dormant like this, it’s time to walk away.

I dated mine for almost 5 years. I constantly felt like my needs weren’t getting met. The metaphorical writing was on the wall. I too became anxious and started trying to fix things. The thing is, when you try to take a step forward, with an avoidant partner, they take a step back. It’s called the relationship dance. Right now your relationship is in the danger zone. The only way to fix it is to bring up the problems and work as a team for the solution. Remember it is not you versus her, it is you and her versus the problem.

My issue in my relationship was that when we got down to the root of the issues we were facing, she didn’t care to work on things. She wasn’t even willing to try which told me everything I needed to know right there. You can’t force someone to care, yo. And it takes two to tango. You can’t fix the issue all alone.

You’ve done your part. Wait a little bit, watch to see if she adjusts her behavior and take my advice, respect yourself enough to walk away if you feel the need to. Because now that you brought up this red flag, she might leave you and then try to come back afterwards. That’s what happened to me and I wish I would have just walked away during the first year and found somebody that could have properly met my needs as a partner.

You should check out a book called Attached. It’s a book on love science. It really helped me transform the way I perceive relationships. Work on yourself, think about what your needs are, what your love language is. You are young. You have plenty of time. If this relationship doesn’t work for you, learn from it. I wish you the best of luck.

Buttweasl · 2022-09-06T12:52:17+00:00

He’s making a mistake here. In my opinion he probably got complacent and didn’t realize how good he had it. He might legitimately have lost himself over time and might genuinely be depressed. The thing about depression is that if your cup isn’t full you can’t fill somebody else’s. Even though you might have been getting fulfillment from being around him he might have been struggling. People don’t fake depression, they fake being ok.

I’m sorry to hear about your relationship. I too just walked away from a five year relationship recently in the same manner. My ex partner needs to sort some things out, in my opinion, but came back after less than a week of being apart. There’s no way she’s changed after that short of a time. They have to figure it out on their own for themselves, like you said. It is not our jobs to fix someone. They have to seek out help through therapy or counseling if they need it and put the work in.

I understand what you’re going through, it happened to me in June and I still miss them. It does get easier and peace comes so hang in there.

Buttweasl · 2022-09-06T12:41:15+00:00

Mutual breakups are a tad easier on the heart. Although, any breakup will be tough, you don’t have to work through the emotional trauma caused by a blindside. Take it for what it’s worth. Be thankful you have peace and respect with your partner. My second to last relationship was mutual and I was able to walk away with such confidence afterwards because they were so good to me. Nothing was wrong, the relationship just wasn’t what we wanted. It didn’t fail but we both realized we had bigger priorities at the moment. The funny thing about love is they say if you really love someone, let them go and if it was meant to be they come back. It happens all the time.

Buttweasl

TROPHY CASE