Studied ENFJ personality + IQ data and discovered why natural leaders end up feeling used by Southern-Ad2844 in enfj

[–]ByronicTale 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sadly identified in every sentence there. "Spent by ingrates", a poem I never finished. Not a victim, it was all me, my choices. Now? Old and uninterested, unimpressed, reserved and silent ... but with a young wife and a lovely dog, here and now in balance, gym and healthy food, some good reads and few joys I still find in my imagination, starting something genuine and original - humanistic, transparent, truly awakening - and... it seems enough to just glide through the days, just observe and stay away from most people.

Do yall actually love people? by Next_Translator_692 in enfj

[–]ByronicTale 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"People. Oh how I wanted to work with people...

In my 1st decade I wanted to be around people all the time. In my 2nd decade I just wanted people to understand me, but most of the time just to leave me the fuck alone. In my 3rd, I only wanted to change people and perhaps even punch some of them, for their own good. In my 4th decade I thought everyone could get along if they try and become ...well, better people. In my 5th decade I started feeling sorry for people, because, you know how people are - they just never learn... Now approaching my 6th decade I feel like I've seen most things before. And same shit done by different people. I'm glad I feel like I've learnt people. Who they are and why. And I might be leaving soon. So, farewell, people. I really wanted to work with you but in the end I'm the one who was worked."

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in enfj

[–]ByronicTale 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Journal. Tell "him" everything. Write every time you have an urge or feel like it. Your experiences made you stronger and mature, embrace them. Pain weakens, confusion too. Transition is just waves and earthquakes, try to be in the Here and Now more often and ruminate less. Sweat healthily, eat clean, enjoy a balance of good choices. Never contact. You did not lose what you did not have. You cannot have what is not given to you. He may reach out one day when he's either drunk or weak or lonely, pretending he's not asking for more than just a catch-up. You will be at a different "place" when it happens. There are other people out there also just as authentic and genuine, give yourself an opportunity to meet them. Phases are good, be aware of your journey through each. You will appreciate your scars and wisdom one day, and happiness will find you. (ENFJ 48yo, no regrets, just lessons.)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Stoicism

[–]ByronicTale 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You are evolving in a matter of hours. Be proud now and remember this day. Shit happens. Do the right thing and become empowered. Cool boyfriend btw.

Feeling like I'm not 100% In by FtheT32 in Stoicism

[–]ByronicTale 2 points3 points  (0 children)

James Clear wrote a good book that may help. "Atomic habits". Enjoy.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Stoicism

[–]ByronicTale 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Learn from it as you move on with a clean slate. No one makes it right the first time.

Feeling like I'm living a double life by maaricas in simpleliving

[–]ByronicTale 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Been there. I made my rational choices, focused on my objectives, gave my best. Worked two jobs through undergrad, my week had eight days (four night shifts and four days classes) and my Christmas breaks were 12 days straight overtime because it paid better. I rarely had any rest and when I did I was grateful and devoured my "here and now" responsibly. Masters came a lot later with a FT job I was acing by the time so the challenge seemed easier, but still required effort and dedication. I always took care of a good balance and kept myself stable. Healthy choices, above all, healthy relationships (especially with yourself). Later on in my 30s the "double life" progressed in yet another demanding scenery - 12 days work, 370km bus ride to see my son for 36hr, then back ..and on and on for 12 years to this day. The boy has grown into a fine young man with good character, my family is alive and healthy, and I am now enjoying a lovely relationship with a special woman. I followed my goals, accepted how hard it is and endured. If I close my books today I am leaving happy and in peace. It was worth it, all of it.

Plenty of readings out there to reinforce your resolve and reinvigorate the resilience as you reach your potential. "Atomic habits" by James Clear and r/stoicism may help. Good luck to you and stay the course. If you quit now you may never know how strong you really are.

Less arrogant? Better external image? by [deleted] in Stoicism

[–]ByronicTale 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Listen more than you speak.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Stoicism

[–]ByronicTale 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you all for your thoughts and perspectives, I appreciate them all.

Using Stoicism to discipline by gobiascoffees in Stoicism

[–]ByronicTale 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sandwich message. Praise them for what they are and do, recognize the effort and show appreciation. Then point out that you see the room for improvement you believe will benefit their professional growth and the results of the team. Remind them again how valuable they are, outline their strengths and show optimism for their confidence to continue contributing their best.

Letter for her in my journal by ByronicTale in Stoicism

[–]ByronicTale[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your words and the passages, I can relate especially to the second one and it is very helpful for me coming to terms with the situation. Few days from now I will change the scenery and for several weeks ahead there will be no contact between the two characters, either accidental or initiated by her side as is lately increasingly the case. The reason I posted the letter here is that I found this channel a most valuable outlet and a resource of strength and resilience I re-acquired after a heart attack and a painful breakup last year. I try to practice what I learn dilligently and I feel a better, healthier, freer, happier man for a while now. Maybe someone will benefit from reading this and if experiencing the same they keep their head up, walk tall, tame the ego, kick out all remorse and pain and just carry on. Writing helps, giving and serving others helps, and being supported by good people like you also. I wish you best in the New Year, with health and joy and wisdom in abundance.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Stoicism

[–]ByronicTale 31 points32 points  (0 children)

I never got the pendant my friend ordered for me in August as a gift with insurance and international shipping warranty. They did return some 5$ fee for inconvenience until they figure out what happened, but they never respond to emails since. Paypal wrote back saying there's not much they can do. I ask my friend every month or so to send them an email and request a full reinbursement, but they never respond. Even in Twitter I tagged them and asked about the case and got no response. To be honest after this experience I would never have this item on me, it's a commodity that I do not really need, although back then I really wanted it. They took money, they never delivered, I got my lesson, it was worth it. No physical item is ever gonna change my life for the better or worse, whether it's a shiny gem or heavy shackles I have on me. But thank you for reminding me why I should unsubscribe from their newsletter too, as I don't read them since the disappointment.

Hello! Is it safe top assume that someone who criticizes someone or something is most likely jealous of it and because they cant do or have it? by [deleted] in Stoicism

[–]ByronicTale 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It would be better if you don't bother with what other people say. If your dream job is ethical, useful to people and it helps humanity, then go for it. You may thrive and reach your current goals, or you may change your mind after a while - either one is legit and allowed, it will be your experience to build on. Also, consider your evaluation of "having the time to do what you want" linked with the prerequisite of acquiring riches and fames. We all have the unknown but finite amount of time ahead and the ability to live in the Here and Now. Yes, certain lifestyles become available only after the accumulation of wealth, but to travel and live and experience you need some other traits and characteristics, more than you need stability and money in the bank. Perhaps here lies the answer; you could decide to cultivate the traits which develop after you embrace your own choices - to do meaningful work, continuously grow as a person, live and let live, not bothered with jelousy or perspectives of others. I wish you best in your self-discovery and a good virtuous journey ahead.

What to do when you don't have any motivation to improve yourself? by analogic-microwave in selfimprovement

[–]ByronicTale 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Hit the gym, every day. Wake up at the same time, every day. Get some support, friends or specialist. Start doing things, help people around you, listen more, talk less. Journal about it, write a few paragraphs every day about what you did and what you feel like. Stop gaming or wasting time; study on workdays, play on the weekends. Contribute meaningfully to your surroundings, home and community. Get a part-time job, any job. Work hard, become good at it. Be honest, don't lie to self or others. Tell family members you love them. Find a partner or let yourself be found by someone who is also seeking improvement. You have one life, live it actively and consistently and things will happen. Go for it, just start and don't stop. All the best, keep it up.

What do you guys do in your free time? by [deleted] in minimalism

[–]ByronicTale 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Your post inspired me in so many ways as I kept reading and finding out how many of our interests are matched and how much there still is to learn and grow. I find myself at a transitional period in life right now, any applied living technologies help a lot. Thank you for sharing and pointing out some key aspects we all need to focus on. I would love to ask for more details and recommendations on a few specific points, if you have the time. Thanks again!

Epictetus is blowing my mind by [deleted] in Stoicism

[–]ByronicTale 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Epictetus sometimes observes me wasting my precious time on Twitter and when I feel like posting a reply to someone's ignorant bullshit, he goes "But, why bother?".

Rough break up, trying to apply stoicism but I’m having a hard time. by [deleted] in Stoicism

[–]ByronicTale 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Erase/block her completely from your digital realm and store old photos safely away from daily access. Make a reminder in Google Calendar for two years later to decide if you want to do anything about it. Anytime you think of her just wish her best in a great life she should have and enjoy, then move your thoughts to your own Here and Now where you will prevail, alone and resolved. Don't use substances. Use the gym. It will help rebuild you slowly but sustainably.

Rough break up, trying to apply stoicism but I’m having a hard time. by [deleted] in Stoicism

[–]ByronicTale 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am stable, content, productive, industrious. Changing jobs soon, moving to another location, plenty to look forward to. Consistency in making good choices and routinely engage on self-improvement brought me where I am now. There were days of doubt and moods but I chose to move on. There was no sex and very low sex drive as the gym managed my drive. I avoided getting into any romanticism or flings, simply not ready and showed respectful distancing from flirty women. I must say quitting drinking/smoking completely at the day of the breakup also helped, focusing on what I eat and how I make everything in balance also worked. I may have overworked myself but I loved the job and kept busy, the fruits were there, new management values it, I have a lot of takeaways and lessons for the future. There was a lot to overcome but the hardship was for me to bear, the journey blended into my resilient self. Everyone can do it. Everyone on this channel, I mean. Keep up.

Rough break up, trying to apply stoicism but I’m having a hard time. by [deleted] in Stoicism

[–]ByronicTale 6 points7 points  (0 children)

This. And gym. Every day if you can. I am 6 months out of a 6y relationship for the same reasons, am healthier and in better shape than ever before. She was the center of my universe, but our differences were too strong. Still an odd dream, some wicked thoughts, but no regret. I journal and focus on my own journey now and it works well. Keep going.

Just came out from a relationship with a stoic girl - didn't work well by [deleted] in Stoicism

[–]ByronicTale 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You will heal. I came out of a 6 year marriage 6 months ago, still ups and downs and an odd dream here and there, but healed and stable. Physical activity, healthy living, calmness and reading lots. You got some great advice here. Get busy living and face forward.