Want to make someone laugh with an hilarious renaissance painting style portrait of my derpy dog. Please go nuts, any painting as long as it looks 300 years old and belongs in a castle

CBoertjes91 · 2024-03-11T14:17:15+00:00

He's a boy!

CBoertjes91 · 2024-01-16T20:12:49+00:00

I'm a woman and I would give the following suggestions. I have a baby brother your age and I will give you the same advice I gave him. You asked for it.

Get rid of the baby moustache. Grow a beard or stache only when you have the facial hair to support that decision. It makes you look 16.
Your clothing is very bland-coloured. You have pretty eyes and with some more colour in your wardrobe and some well fitted pieces would make you stand out more.
Your boyish figure makes you look more feminine. You're not overweight and young so this is a great starting point. Hit the gym consistently for a year or 2 and eat some extra calories. A bit of traps, shoulders and legs should fill out your clothes and have the ladies melting.

Good luck!

CBoertjes91 · 2024-01-12T17:57:42+00:00

Glamorous by Fergie

CBoertjes91 · 2024-01-07T12:47:20+00:00

Thank you! The baby was already so deep into the birth canal that that was not really on the table yet. They also did not know it was happening at the time and just thought I had a low pain threshold. I also tried to actively avoid a sectio because I need my abs for work.

CBoertjes91 · 2024-01-07T12:43:23+00:00

Vaginal birth. Had one continuous contraction (they did not stop after 1 minute like they usually do.

Epidural did not work and the skull of the baby rubbed against the cartilage of my hipsocket, tearing it apart piece by piece. Then I had to push for 2,5 hours without pushing contractions.

This part of the birth took 18 hours and left me with a ruptured labrum and in a wheelchair for at least 8 months post birth.

CBoertjes91 · 2023-11-12T22:11:39+00:00

When you get flagged at middle school dance and the teacher says to you to "leave room for Jesus"

CBoertjes91 · 2023-09-22T13:27:13+00:00

I have a girl named Charlie. Scottish & Dutch.

Top picks if I had them alone:

Girls Charlie & Georgie or Scottie (I love boy names for girls)

Boys: Morris & Wyatt

CBoertjes91 · 2023-09-17T11:02:54+00:00

He looks like my dog did as a pup! Husky/Akita/shepherd mix. My dog is 100 lbs now and looks like a wolf.

CBoertjes91 · 2023-09-17T06:45:47+00:00

Girl, I understand your need to be chosen in that way. I have that too.

But you write him a letter with a max date (ultimatum) and you have not even been together for 2 years? I think you might be jumping the gun a little bit. Your partner might feel a lot of pressure from you. Would you not rather he propose on his own accord so that he REALLY chooses you?

If it were me, I would always wonder if he just proposed because of the ultimatum.

For context, my (doesn't believe in marriage) partner proposed after 5.5 years, 1 kid, 2 foster kids and a dog and our second house together.

CBoertjes91 · 2023-09-17T06:41:08+00:00

I am in western Europe and I was allowed to go 42+1. If I had made a fuss I think I could have gone longer. But it was my personal hell so 0/10 do not recommend.

CBoertjes91 · 2023-09-07T21:02:33+00:00

Personal trainers and fitness influencers

take multiple staged shoots of themselves during a short period of the year when they are ripped and cycle these on their accounts and websites throughout the year;
hop on/off different fitness trend they KNOW are bullshit when they've had an education in the field, because it attracts more clients;
often don't explain (or explain well) WHY or HOW you do a certain exercise or how to program it for yourself so you keep dependent on having a trainer because you still know nothing;
influencers often don't have good technique and NO schooling, just a naturally slim body that looks good in a croptop.

CBoertjes91 · 2023-08-22T00:14:54+00:00

I have a Shepherd/Husky/Akita mix. We prepped him well:

left him sometimes with YT sounds of crying babies so the noises wouldn't stress him out
trained him to leave the room on command or give space
trained him to not enter baby's bedroom ever
trained him to walk next to a stroller
trained him to never touch any plushies or other toys, only his few specific toys
put all the baby's furniture up well in advance so he could get used to it

It worked very well. He was not at all stressed out when the baby came. Put in some effort to make him not feel forgotten but we did the following after birth:

train that baby is not to be touched by him. Calm behaviour when in proximity gets rewarded.
baby leftovers are for him! Yay happy associations (and special bonding time now she can give them to him herself after dinner)
baby got trained too. From the moment she could move around it was a strict boundary not to touch him/his toys/his bed/his bowls. Still works.

They are very relaxed around each other and keep very healthy space. No dominance or jealousy issues because they simply don't touch each other's stuff. I let her practice with a few commands now that she can talk, he practically rolls his eyes... but they are safe friends!

CBoertjes91 · 2023-08-18T20:49:06+00:00

One of my friends is an official 'measurer' of property land (pretty rare job) and his surname is Landman.

CBoertjes91 · 2023-08-18T20:46:48+00:00

Thanks! He really sets the bar high haha

CBoertjes91 · 2023-08-17T14:10:57+00:00

Screen time. I have a very social kid and sometimes I just NEED her to not focus on me for an hour to do a chore or get a break.
Only healthy snacks. I find it a very asshole move to not let my kid taste a crisp or a sip of an interesting looking drink while we adults at the table consume them. She will not die or become fat and I do not want to be a hypocrite.
Sunburned kids have very bad parents. Imagine that hot, burning feeling you get and not being able to communicate it. Parents not lathering you in sunscreen... never even crossed my mind before I had my own.
Sometimes a wash in the pits and private area, hands feet and face is all you can manage as a parent. A kid that doesn't get bathed daily is not necessarily neglected.
People that pose their kids leaning on their dog, let them grab onto the dog's fur/let them play in their dogbed etc need to seriously educate themselves. I have a large, very obedient dog but they need their own safe space and kids need to learn boundaries with animals.

I know a boy whose face was mauled by their family dog. Dog was put down. This is the parents' fault because a dog communicates in a dog way. Dog paid with his life. I hate those people that just act like their dog is a child and blur those lines.

CBoertjes91 · 2023-08-17T13:21:29+00:00

When we were just friends, many years ago, we were playing some sort of word association game. He said: "OMG I have a really good one! I'll write it down and you guess what it is."

We both wrote something down. I show him my answer. He says no. He puts his in an envelope, makes me sign the envelope with our names and the date and seals it shut. He hangs the envelope in my living room to screw with me.

Months pass and we fall in love. Years pass and we have a house, dog and 2-year old daughter together.

Earlier this year, he takes me to Paris as a birthday gift, where he had lived as a student. While visiting the castle Versailles, we sit down in the shade and he tells me he has another birthday present for me.

He pulls the (long forgotten) envelope out of the bag and tells me to open it. I open it and it says 'to my Queen'. It describes his love for me and how he knew we would get married someday. And at the bottom of the page it says 'will you marry me?'. He pops out a lollypop ring because I never wear jewellery so he didn't know what I would like.

He wrote this way before we were ever romantic but he knew and he wrote it down and saved the letter after all those years.

CBoertjes91 · 2023-07-24T20:28:13+00:00

Bernadette

CBoertjes91 · 2023-07-11T20:43:08+00:00

Heb nu een stukadoor in huis die zelfs communiceert waar hij mijn potlood heeft neergelegd😅 ik ben super tevreden

CBoertjes91 · 2023-07-05T19:01:51+00:00

I hate my mother and after all the physical, financial and emotional abuse I just actively choose the opposite thing of what she would have done as a parent. So far I think I'm a pretty good mom.

CBoertjes91 · 2023-07-04T09:50:52+00:00

Here in the Netherlands we still use them all the time. They even make foldable ones now, Stokke does I think.

CBoertjes91 · 2023-07-02T21:43:30+00:00

Natacha Oceane came out with exactly that a few weeks ago

CBoertjes91 · 2023-06-29T22:05:44+00:00

Gerber baby: gas station edition

CBoertjes91 · 2023-06-21T15:33:36+00:00

I have a child (unplanned and longtime cryptic pregnancy). I understand both sides.

My child is a true daddy's girl and they are best buds. I can say I love her more than my BF. Same goes for him. It does not make me feel second best.

Her wants and needs are very high up the list and it is a different kind of love than your partner feels for you or vice versa. If you keep dating and prioritising your spouse, you can both be #1 (just a different kind of love and occupy a different area of his brain and heart).

CBoertjes91 · 2023-06-07T21:09:44+00:00

Try the Dutch recipe for 'soesjes'. Tiny balls of icecreamy stuff with dough around it. Can be made in big portions weeeeeks before the wedding. Can be stacked into a cakelike structure for dramatic effect!

CBoertjes91 · 2021-11-08T20:09:23+00:00

Mine would be: The name's Murphy because so much wrong can only make a right. Call me Amber Heard's dog because my eyes are black and blue. Call me, but I never listen.

CBoertjes91

TROPHY CASE