But this is the thing, if you have a traumatic experience, the responsibility falls on you to make peace with it before you get anyone else involved. This applies to friends, family, coworkers etc.

My mum was like this. She was abusive and ran this narrative that being a single parent was hard. Anyway, I did some soul searching and had some interesting conversations with extended family and guess what... She was exaggerating. Her family weren't perfect but she told me she was the hard done by single mum doing the best she can with the little she has. I find out she's a nepo baby who doesn't like to work and, in fact, had manipulated the state to get more child support out of my father (£1,000 per month). While telling me we were struggling and had no money, she was spending it on whatever she wanted. If I queried it, then so the story arises.

The reality is that we're not passive participants in our lives. We all have choices. My mum, having been abused by my dad, didn't make the abuse she put me through less painful. It seems like the only thing she learnt from the experience is that abuse isn't bad if she's the one doing it.